Husband pooping

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'm so frustrated with how long my husband spends in the bathroom. It's 30-40 mins a day, sometimes longer or in 2 long sessions. He assured me this is normal, and so do all the men I know.

I'm convinced there is a worldwide conspiracy between men to gaslight women into believing it's normal to spend hours a week in the bathroom.

Am I crazy?

I've read all the things about escapism, but he has his own space that the kids and I mostly stay out of, he has plenty of alone time. I know he's messing on his phone in there. But he claims he is pooping the whole time. I don't believe him.

For context, I am a SAHM and we have 3 kids, so I do the lion's share of the housework and child care. He does do his part outside of working hours and is a very involved Dad.

I try not to disturb him while he's pooping but we only have one toilet and he chooses the most inconvenient times to go. Frequently when we are getting ready to go somewhere, etc.

It's really aggravating me. The other day he couldn't finish up for ages and I ended up having to go to in the garden because I was so desperate.

I think he needs to see a Dr, but he assured me all men are like this. Indeed, many of my female friends have similar complaints. Who is crazy here?!

@FizzyStream does the longer 'pooper' eat a different diet to the other two?

Have I got the only DH who is in and out of the loo in 5 minutes? I'll have to congratulate him. 🏅

Tell him to stop taking in his phone. He’ll be finished in 5.

So it wasn't the first time. He has absolutely no respect for you. I'd leave my DH if he was so selfish.

@caringcarer

Tell him to teach our husbands how haha.

@caringcarer

It's not like he goes in there thinking he's going to cause me to have to do that. I just don't have long after I feel the urge to when I HAVE to go. My digestive system is messed up. But yes it would be more helpful for me if he wasn't in there for so long. The amount of times I need to go for a wee even and I'm bursting by the time he comes out!

Mine takes forever too, and sends me annoying memes while he's atop the throne. Infuriating.

Can't say I've even noticed any of them men bath that long either so it is odd to me

This.

It's not normal. It's not what all men do.

Cut off the internet next time he heads off for a session.

Do not poop in the garden ever again. Bang hard on the door when you need to go, and don't stop until he gets up and lets you in.

And tear rashers off him if he hovers on the landing while you're using the loo. Kids usually stop waiting outside the bathroom for mummy when they get to age five at most. He clearly sees you as the only grown up in the house, with homself as one of the kids, and maybe he's right.

This.

But take an hour each time.

Head off just before dinner to start with. He can deal with real life while you watch cats on instagram.

A lot of entitled and lazy men consider themselves to be above the normal slog of daily life. It doesn't have to be shit. Just constant and the sort of slog that means you have to be on duty continuously. The kind of humdrum, unending tasks mothers take for granted but many men believe to be optional.

Put down the lid. Sit on it with your pants pulled up. Take your time. You too can check out of family life.

I mean I thought it was a bit annoying at the start of your post, but now it turns out not only you but your dcs have had to go outside on more than one occasion. I’d be banging on that door and wouldn’t stop till he let me in. Just selfish.

To be fair, I have really severe IBS and I go through bouts of this. (I am a woman). The pain is horrendous. Always happens at the worst times too

Only read the OP's updates.

It's not gaslighting.

Also not "normal" for men, though I've never heard of a woman doing it.

It's very bad for you to sit on the toilet for so long!

He needs to have a bowel check. Bowel Cancer is on the rise.
Your husband needs to cut back on processed foods, walk about more, drink more water, eat more vegetables and oats.
He should have a check up as something is amiss.

Have a drop box or shelf outside the lav for the phones.
Set up a nook else-where that is quiet, private and ideal for 15 minutes of phone scrolling or reading a book or doing Suduku.

I have a father and brothers and a husband and sons. None of them take that long unless they are seriously constipated.

He is probably wanking and watching god knows what on his phone.

Bowel changes following gallbladder removal is caused by something called bile acid malabsorption. You can get binders for it from the GP, a low level medicine that has changed my life if it’s a problem for you.

My advice re husband is turn the wifi off when he disappears in there and strongly encourage your kids to go and find daddy when he disappears. Every time 😂

Give him the same energy. Wait until the most inconvenient time of your day, and lock yourself in the bathroom while your husband deals with it. Keep doing this until he's in the habit of not taking 40 minutes. If he says anything, say you're pooing

It's amazing how quickly men stop doing things like this as soon. As it becomes inconvenient for them

Yeah I have a bowel disorder and while I may use the toilet more frequently I still am in and out quickly.

Reason #86 to be happy I'm single hearing all these stories 😆

Step 1 - Hide his phone next time he’s due a poo. You can blame it on one of the kids. I’m sure he’ll be much quicker then you can highlight he’s making a choice to take so long as he’s clearly perfectly capable of doing a poo more quickly.

Step 2 - Record how long he’s gone for next time he does a poo then about that long before bedtime announce you need a poo and he’ll have to sort bed time. Go and sit in the toilet and refuse to come out, leaving him responsible for the whole bed time routine. Repeat this step on a regular basis.

Bang on the door and tell him you are desperate for the loo and he has to move!

DH knows that he has to move as I have told him before he has been 20 minutes, then he says no I haven’t it’s been 5, then I say I have been timing him. There is no reason to spend 20/30 minutes sat in the loo not moving unless you have a medical problem.

DH tends to go at the most inconvenient times as well. Immediately when he get home from work (which is understandable as he works outdoors all day so can’t go for a poo). He’s been on the loo for 20 minutes now. He is slowly learning he cant hog the loo (we have one bathroom) between 7am - 8am when everyone needs to use the bathroom to get ready for school or work.

The other time DH loves to go for a long stinky dump is when I am in the bath! Once or twice a week when the kids are in bed I like to have a bath. Within 60 seconds of me getting into the tub I can guarantee DH will enter the bathroom for a long stinky dump. He seems to think I like company in the bath and I’ve had to explain to him to relax I need to enjoy a bath in silence by myself (with no foul smells!)

Turn off or reset the router after 5 mins on the loo. That will soon have him off the pan!

Nasty. If she was desperate for a wee and they only have one toilet, what would expect her to do?