Husband pooping

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'm so frustrated with how long my husband spends in the bathroom. It's 30-40 mins a day, sometimes longer or in 2 long sessions. He assured me this is normal, and so do all the men I know.

I'm convinced there is a worldwide conspiracy between men to gaslight women into believing it's normal to spend hours a week in the bathroom.

Am I crazy?

I've read all the things about escapism, but he has his own space that the kids and I mostly stay out of, he has plenty of alone time. I know he's messing on his phone in there. But he claims he is pooping the whole time. I don't believe him.

For context, I am a SAHM and we have 3 kids, so I do the lion's share of the housework and child care. He does do his part outside of working hours and is a very involved Dad.

I try not to disturb him while he's pooping but we only have one toilet and he chooses the most inconvenient times to go. Frequently when we are getting ready to go somewhere, etc.

It's really aggravating me. The other day he couldn't finish up for ages and I ended up having to go to in the garden because I was so desperate.

I think he needs to see a Dr, but he assured me all men are like this. Indeed, many of my female friends have similar complaints. Who is crazy here?!

I have two boys that have had to piss in the garden before while DH was on the toilet. Youngest still in nappies. Hopefully we get a second toilet by the time she is older! Thankfully no neighbors within eyeshot and we have a field behind our house where the boys go if DH takes too long!!

I'd be fairly peeved in your position tbh. We have three toilets in our house (just a normal sized one) and there are only three of us here so nobody's ever stuck but I'd be fucking raging if there was just the one and someone was camping in there for that long. Seriously raging.

Newly married me one toilet household discovered that DH was dying his hair while lying in the bath. I had no words. I was expecting at the time too. I could have swung for him and to be fair he never did it again while I was home. oh I got my money's worth taking the piss out of him 🤣

Apparently some men like the feeling of poo coming down into their rectum and then out through their anus slowly. Some like to wank while that's happening, especially while their bottom is 'open'.
So that would explain about 2 mins, the rest is a mystery.

TMI

My DH is the same. Will go for a poo at 7.30am until 7.55am. If he's not working from home that day, will go again from 8.15am until 8.35am (yes really). If working from home will spend 20-30 minutes pooing after lunch. Will then go after work at 5pm ish for 20-30 minutes. Will then sometimes go again after tea/late evening at 8.30pm/9.30pm. It would drive me crazy losing up to two hours a day sitting on the toilet.
I think it's a combination of not enough fibre, anxiety about pooing/farting at work so tries to get everything out at home and the fact that he'll go as soon as he feels any slight urge or movement in his stomach rather than waiting for a definite need.
The most annoying thing is that we have three toilets but he will only go in the main bathroom with the shower etc in so we all have to work around him and woe betide anyone who inadvertently uses it in a way that disrupts his schedule.

Can't help with your DH problem, OP, but have you considered that you might have bile acid malabsorption, which causes urgency and diarrhoea? It can happen after gallbladder removal (I was worried I'd get it after my recent op, but have been OK so far). There's medicine you can take to help if this turns out to be the issue.

gutscharity.org.uk/advice-and-information/conditions/bile-acid-malabsorption/

That is so utterly inconsiderate! FFS! I hope you've given him an earful.

Hiding??
Jeez, how shit would a persons home life actually be to want to hide from it.

I think they are trying to get out of doing housework 😂

I’m pretty sure I read a thread not long ago about someone’s husband doing this for 30-40 mins while they had guests over 😳. I don’t think it’s normal but it does seem common among men. Maybe they zone out like I do in the shower

Myriad of reasons, actual need for a few mins of peace, avoiding real life, constipation. Etc.

Not the first time you've had to shit on the floor of the shed because of him?

Ohhh now I am really furious for you.

Next time, barge in, sit on the cunt's lap and shit away. The sloppier the better.

You beat me to it but my vote is for having a wank. Bloody long wank though.

But why?!
Why not just wait until he gets the urge, then go?

Is the difference that women adapt to the world around them, whilst men expect the world to adapt to their whims? So women shit when their bodies need to whilst men decide it's time for a shit and their body better cooperate, even if it takes ages?

Mine takes 5 mins max. We don't have DC though.

Reminds me of this...

Woman goes on mini break while her husband has a shit | The Daily Mash

LOL!!! 😂😂😂

😆

35 - 40 minutes is a joke.

However, my 7 year old son does take at least three times the time I do. And always needs at the most inappropriate times (leaving the house, swimming lessons, public toilets etc)

It's so bad in our house my son used an app to work out how many hours of life his dad wastes.

I can't get him to realise its such a waste, and if genuinely takes that long he needs a dr.

It doesn't take that long. And annoyingly it's when I go to bed, so then I get woken with him coming back into the bedroom, or don't sleep for 30 mons past the time I want to sleep.

It's shit. But not literally.

We've discussed it many times. I've come to the conclusion that I'm happy doing my own thing and if he's happy wasting so much of his life pooing then so be it. He doesn't randomly decide to go as we're about to leave the house and I haven't had to poo in the garden while I wait for him to finish. Not excusing him - I still go when I hear the bathroom door close and the fan go on.

What if you were stuck though?

@thenightsky That's brilliant!

Why don't they just go for a walk if they want 'a bit of peace?'