Husband pooping

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'm so frustrated with how long my husband spends in the bathroom. It's 30-40 mins a day, sometimes longer or in 2 long sessions. He assured me this is normal, and so do all the men I know.

I'm convinced there is a worldwide conspiracy between men to gaslight women into believing it's normal to spend hours a week in the bathroom.

Am I crazy?

I've read all the things about escapism, but he has his own space that the kids and I mostly stay out of, he has plenty of alone time. I know he's messing on his phone in there. But he claims he is pooping the whole time. I don't believe him.

For context, I am a SAHM and we have 3 kids, so I do the lion's share of the housework and child care. He does do his part outside of working hours and is a very involved Dad.

I try not to disturb him while he's pooping but we only have one toilet and he chooses the most inconvenient times to go. Frequently when we are getting ready to go somewhere, etc.

It's really aggravating me. The other day he couldn't finish up for ages and I ended up having to go to in the garden because I was so desperate.

I think he needs to see a Dr, but he assured me all men are like this. Indeed, many of my female friends have similar complaints. Who is crazy here?!

The weird thing is that there is never a queue for men’s public toilets. Always a queue for women’s though.
and it doesn’t strike me that men only ‘go’ at home either.

Aw @HuckleberryBlackcurrant that makes it even more infuriating. Your husband shouldn't bog block when you need to go.

Respect to you.

Men need to learn to bear down. I swear it’s biological.

Yep same here. I knock on the door after 10 minutes and find an excuse to annoy him every 5 minutes. He's watching Facebook whilst I'm dealing with everything else.

Funnily enough if his battery runs out he can be in and out in 5 minutes...

There’s a direct relationship between number of kids and amount of time men take in the toilet.

My DH doesn't spend that long in the loo sadly but I wish he did! I could watch half an episode of MAFS Australia while he's in there; I'd be cracking open the wine and nibbles - bliss!

It’s a control thing. As you say it’s always the most inconvenient times. My husband is the same so now when we’re waiting to go somewhere I pour bleach down the toilet so he can’t use it

Taking your phone with you when you go to the toilet seems so wrong to me. Is this just a men thing?

No, that's weird. And not normal. Sounds like he is using the loo as an excuse to check out of family life.

That, or you should suggest a colonoscopy to check what is wrong with his bowels?

Who would want to hang about in a mens loo?masochists and people with no sense of smell excluded.

No way. I’d be banging on the door telling him to hurry to fuck up or get out to the garden to do it

fucking men

Thank god it's not just my husband who can manage to spend so long on the toilet. I've told him that if he really takes that long to poo then he should see a doctor. The fact that he hasn't just tells me he's only in there wasting time and hoping I'm dealing with whatever the kids are doing.

He's hiding

Or he needs to see a doctor

Yes, I absolutely did because the alternative was shitting my pants!

no. The alternative was your husband getting out of the bathroom. You have a medical need to go to the toilet. He’s disgusting and has no respect for you. If I shit in the garden because my husband didn’t care then that would be it for me.

So it seems that it's not only me having this problem. We are renovating next year and will be getting a second bathroom fitted (tore ours out only to find asbestos in the roof which halted progress) so that should help.

I just honestly feel gaslit as so many men I know do this that I started to wonder....is it real??

I told my husband he needs to see a Dr. He doesn't really eat much in the way of fiber I suppose.

@LadyDaisy42

It's so infuriating! And yet I can't take a 30 second piss without the kids hammering on the door.

Just tell him you're off for a shit, lock the door and do not respond for 40 minutes. Tell him you're 'pooping' (that term makes me cringe) and he needs to deal. Do twice daily until he gets the message.

My partner didn't believe I pooped recently because I was in and out in a few minutes.

I needed to go, I went, washed hands and out.

He spends ages in there too.

My DH is a bit like this. He has a routine whereby he schedules his shit time after breakfast. He will sit in there until it happens. He has admitted that he does not always feel the urge to go, but he just …waits.

As most of the time there are only 2 of us and we have 2 WCs , it’s not an issue. But I have flashbacks to a cottage holiday with him, and my IBS suffering MIL and one bathroom. I came close to murder.

Honestly OP, today, the day you had to shit in the garden, is the day Something Needs To Change.

He could cut down the time he takes.
He could check everyone's finished in the bathroom before taking over.
Or, he can sit down with you and work out how you're going to fit a second toilet or move house.

Don't let this be one of those things where you just roll your eyes and say 'men!'.

It's a running joke in our house. He's cut it back to 15/20 mins 3 x per day on the weekend now. If we're lucky only 2x. But only once in the morning of we're out for the day.

He completely owns up to it, being his time and a break.

So I've stated doing it. That's when the 30min plus "breaks" stopped.

@Dearg

Sounds exactly like my DH. He's great in mostly every other way but this is doing my head in.

Sadly mine is exactly the same. We have 3 toilets though so not quite so bad but verrrrry irritating!