Husband pooping

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'm so frustrated with how long my husband spends in the bathroom. It's 30-40 mins a day, sometimes longer or in 2 long sessions. He assured me this is normal, and so do all the men I know.

I'm convinced there is a worldwide conspiracy between men to gaslight women into believing it's normal to spend hours a week in the bathroom.

Am I crazy?

I've read all the things about escapism, but he has his own space that the kids and I mostly stay out of, he has plenty of alone time. I know he's messing on his phone in there. But he claims he is pooping the whole time. I don't believe him.

For context, I am a SAHM and we have 3 kids, so I do the lion's share of the housework and child care. He does do his part outside of working hours and is a very involved Dad.

I try not to disturb him while he's pooping but we only have one toilet and he chooses the most inconvenient times to go. Frequently when we are getting ready to go somewhere, etc.

It's really aggravating me. The other day he couldn't finish up for ages and I ended up having to go to in the garden because I was so desperate.

I think he needs to see a Dr, but he assured me all men are like this. Indeed, many of my female friends have similar complaints. Who is crazy here?!

Yep! That's my DH. 'Do you need the bathroom?' he chants at least 3 times a day some days. I say 'errr no.' (Most of the time.) He asks me because he knows he is in there for ages, and doesn't want me knocking the door needing a wee.

Then he goes for a morning poop - or night poop, and he is in the bathroom for 15 to 20 MINUTES. (Sometimes 25.) When I say 'why the F do you take soooo long?!' he says 'I need to be careful, as men straining themselves can cause fissures, and damage to 'that area.'

And when he has a shower, he is in there 35 to 40 MINUTES! Only 7 minutes or so in the shower, but for the rest of the time I do not fucking know what he's doing. He claims he is grooming, putting his beard oil in, cleaning his teeth, combing his hair, moisturizing etc etc etc... I always thought it was WOMEN who hogged the bathroom. I spend a FIFTH of the time in the bathroom that he does.

He is in his mid 50s now, he has only been like this since his mid 40s. Never did it when the kids were at home.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

As for the garden shitting! 😬What you describe, is every shade of grim! I think you need a portaloo!

Thetford 92820 Porta Potti 365 Portable Toilet, White-Grey, 414 x 383 x 427 mm : Amazon.co.uk: Sports & Outdoors

Too bloody lazy!

They’re not constipated, they just like it. My dad used to take the paper in with him. DH now takes his phone. We’ve 3 loos and he appears to be able to schedule it fairly conveniently.

Personally I spend as little time as possible in there, bloody drafty sat with your bum out for that long?

I think men seem to think they should go and will go and try, I just go when I need to

My dad was whinging about constipation once because he hadn't been, turns out he didn't actually need to go, was just having a panic because he hadn't been that day

Our work breaks are times and it usually takes me 4 mins including hand washing!

It's the last place I'd want to spend an extended period of time (grim) and I would not want to take anything in with me that might get 'contaminated' (grimmer). I would also be seriously bored sh*tless (pun intended).

Anyone else find that even when you are in there for a short period of time, family members (especially OH) will knock on the door asking questions? Can't they just wait one minute?

👏

Grew up in a house with Dad and older brothers, 4 years with a man then last 20 plus years with another and our now grown son and not a single one spent longer than you would reasonably expect to need in the bathroom outside of times when they were ill. It is not a "thing"*

Agree it's either classic avoidance or he has something going on that requires a medical opinion.

Edit *when I say not a thing, I mean a thing that is an affliction only men experience - it's not normal behaviour.

Are these men stuck in toilet training mode? Parents are often told to sit children on a potty regularly for a few minutes, even if they show no sign of needing it, then eventually they get lucky. Have they really not learned to recognise the urge to go?

They've recognised the urge to go alright, away from anything that might require a bit of effort!

I once had a housemate with narcolepsy that used to fall asleep in our only bathroom and was impossible to wake up.

At least she had an excuse.

Could it be that he's er-hm "sorting himself out"?

That's v funny (not for any of you of course!) but heh heh. It seems like it should be in a film!

My DH has never done this - though he's a bit prudish about toilet stuff so I reckon he forces one out quickly so no one suspects he actually poos!

My 6 year old grandson is definitely a toilet dweller in training though. He'll go off to the loo with his iPad and be there so long that he'll forget whether he's done a poo or not 🙄

It's weird, isn't it?
When I need to use the toilet, I do what needs to be done and promptly leave the bathroom.
I'm not sure what I'd do in there to take so long. And it seems so unhygienic to be on my phone!

Porn addiction?

Pissing in your own garden because your husband sits aimlessly on the toilet is grim as fuck

I would leave somebody for this far faster then cheating/housework/sex

He's wanking.

YES. Men take phones into the loo to use as a visual aid to wanking.
They can wank in peace and not have to worry about anyone knocking on the door as they ''Are crapping''.

Made me giggle this! Must be a very challenging wank lol ..who is he trying to get off on..Anne widicome?!!!!!

Make them hammer on the door when their dad is enthroned.

My dh shits in about 10 seconds

Why does everyone assume a male locking himself in the loo is having a wank?
It’s truly bizarre as a concept - I’m a man and I’ve never thought to spend 30 minutes stood up in the toilet masturbating.

Then again, I’ve never spent 30 mins in the loo (unless very ill, then all bets are off)

It is not a general man thing. It’s a thing some men choose to do in their own homes when the only people they’re inconveniencing are their wives and children.
They don’t do it at work or when they’re off at a conference somewhere. Men in the armed forces don’t do it when they’re stationed in barracks or at some other base. Young men at university don’t do it in their halls or flats.
My dad used to do this, he’d take a newspaper or book and read for 45 minutes. These days it’s scrolling on phones.
I’m very grateful that my husband and son don’t do things like this.

You can sit on the loo seat with the lid down.
Standing up isn't mandatory.

I have been told by men that the loo {and shower} are prime private zones for wanking by men- at least when there are wife {or girlfriend} and kids about.

what’s a doctor going to do? He can’t be compelled to see Gp? Doom scrolling on the bog and being slow in the toilet isn’t in itself a GP issue