To just get a sick note as a single parent?

[Animalpsb]

Single parent to dd, 2. Her dad works in france in the week so absolutely nobody else to rely on.

I am in a reasonably highly paid job which is full on. Despite this, and despite decent maintenance, I scrape by with nursery fees, student loans, mortgage gone up etc.

I will have ran out of holiday already and it doesn’t renew until September. I am absolutely exhausted. I don’t know how to carry on juggling with no break. I don’t know what I’m going to do and now have concluded I will just have to call in sick for a week. Ive never done this before but I am at my wits end. I just don’t know what to do and need a break. Would this be a crazy thing to do? I’m so fed up

Absolute rubbish. The country would be better off if people took their health seriously. I recently took two weeks off with stress for the first time and I'm so much more productive now. I needed the time to reset and recharge.

It's Easter you get 4 days of stop whinging

If you're pushed to breaking point, getting a doctor to sign you off for stress is truthful. Your employers will manage without you.

A doctor won't give you a note for a week as technically you need to self certify the first week
you could get signed off for two weeks
or look into parental leave

Not sure if anyone's asked this already, but I assume you are both working the hours you do because in your jobs or careers, working part time is not done?

Is there any possibility you can move somewhere cheaper? Now's the time to do it, whilst your daughter is not in primary school.

Also - why isn't your partner get a job here? What if he were made redundant??He'd have to find something else then. If that's the only job he can get, he's in a seriously precarious situation surely?

My point is that if you are at this point, I think your partner should look at getting something closer to home.

Having a mental break down does not make you the authority on other people’s MH or on how/whether to approach a GP. How dare you assume that your experience means that the OP is not entitled to obtain a sick note or that you are better qualified than a GP to assess whether a person needs a sick-note or not. There is no need to pull rank over a hierarchy of mental or physical health. GPs are not idiots and don’t hand out SN on demand.

OP says she is exhausted and ‘does not know how to carry on without a break’ and ‘is fed up’ - a professional needs to explore what she means by this and how this feels for her - and the impact this is having on both her and her child.

I have a suicidal ideating bipolar teen; have had PND and have had suicidal MH/depressive episodes myself; we are all ASD/ADHD with associated MH co-morbidities. Consequently, given I often did not recognise a crisis was approaching until it hit or I spoke to a GP, I have merely advised OP to speak to her GP and possibly a HV to discuss her low mood (no, she doesn’t explicitly say ‘I have a low mood’ but it is totally fricking obvious from the wording of her post that she is not in a good place given she is ‘at her wits end’) and tiredness (which at this time of year could be for non-mood, organic reasons, such a Vit D deficiency, which can also cause ‘low mood’).

Additionally, as she has sole charge of an infant, it is essential for safeguarding purposes that OP gets the support that she needs sooner rather than later - whether that be a rest, counselling, medication, etc.

@Chailattelover agree. I separated from my ex in extremely traumatic circumstances. I ended up being signed off for two weeks with stress. It was absolutely needed. That time with no work enabled me to sort things that needed to be dealt with, spend time with family and recharge a bit. I'd probably have ended up off for longer if I'd kept going to breakdown point.

You will burn out at this rate OP, take the time. That does t help you DD.

Ignore those giving you a beating, they aren’t in your situation, and are quite frankly being ridiculous.

Do yo have your daughter all the time ( when not at work), if so it’s not surprising you are exhausted. . I know you said her Dad is abroad in the week, but could he not see her at the weekend,and/ or do you have family who could take her for the afternoon say on weekends?

You didn’t read my post did you. I advised her to get a sick note and take a break. That’s ok though. Don’t let my facts get in the way of your feelings.

Why on earth choose to bring a child into the mix when you're in a 'high paid full on job? So the child isn't even with you and you're knackered? Knackered from what exactly? Work is easier than child rearing, I went to work for a rest!

I had my kids all day (twins) and then went to work all night til midnight when their Dad came in at 5. On barely more than minimum wage. You need to get a grip. I couldn't have phoned in sick, I wouldn't have got paid. Also have no family around.

Tell you what to do if you can't cope. Cut down. Go part time. Top up with tax credits. You are simply not prioritising your child in the slightest, or yourself at the minute. Your job wouldn't care less if you dropped down dead tomorrow.

YANBU at all - take a week, don’t feel bad and go back refreshed. You are superwoman doing what you are doing - as are all single parents. Part of only having yourself to rely on means knowing when you need to take action to prevent yourself going under. Strength to you OP - it won’t always be this hard.

Surely the 4 day weekend only a couple of days after your post would help you recharge .

Take the sick leave OP
It not always as easy as dropping hours or taking unpaid leave, when you’re the only person working and providing for your child.
Dropping hours doesn’t mean the money you need magically pops up from somewhere else it means you have even less money and more stress.

im a single parent I have one child with multiple SEN at an SEN school, one at primary school and their dad isn’t involved (his choice) I have no family nearby, closest family member is a 4 hour round trip away and I work full time because if I didn’t we’d be living on the streets.

I work hard at work and probably once a year absolutely burn out from both work and home stress as I have an highly stressful job that I won’t leave as it pays alright.

I have zero guilt about this. If anyone wants to judge they can walk my shoes for a few years and then judge.

Take the leave and recharge yourself

@brightyellowflower youre absolutely right, OPs organisation doesn’t give a monkeys if she drops down dead, so she needs to take care of herself and should feel in the slightest bit guilty.

Your post is ranting at her about the hardship you endured which isn’t fair.

Shouldn’t feel, rather.

Sounds like me 4 years ago.

I was absolutely on the verge of a complete breakdown, I see that now. I ended up being signed off for 6 weeks and it wasnt longer only because lockdown started and my industry closed down completely. I had a breakdown about 12 years previously and ended up being very ill indeed and that started in the same way.

Sometimes we dont see the reality because it is being masked by "tired all the time", loss of appetite etc ie; physical symptoms that are just that, symptoms rather than the cause.

Sounds like you are in very real danger of complete burnout. I really would recommend you speak to the doctor about time off. What is your sick pay like? Would you manage being off financially? If it would be a struggle, take a couple of weeks and then talk to your line manager about whether you can restructure you work or your working week and see if there is any support there.

Wow, someone forgot to take their empathy pills today.

How have you ended up taking a whole years leave already? What was your plan for the rest of the year?

You've not idea what her circumstances were when she got pregnant.

You're basically trying to tell her how much harder you had it, when in reality, you had a partner, who presumably did his fair share of dinner time, bed time, household chores and admin, while bringing in an income.

She's doing everything, alone.

Self certification for one week, not sick note from GP

Probably going to be extremely unpopular saying this, but I think you need to see why u are so tired. Is it because of your job? If so can u not change jobs and do something easier, which might mean live somewhere cheaper? If it due to child rearing then perhaps you can buy in help- ex could help or reduce your hours. I don't think employers or tax payers should pick up the slack either.

you need to check your work contract to see what sick pay you get if you don't already know. especially if you're taking the advice not to get a sick note.

How have you run out of holiday already? Have you taken 5 weeks of holiday already, in the past 3 months?

It sounds like you are heading for burnout so taking the time off could now could result in a lot less time off later.
normally I would say that you shouldn’t take time off if not sick but burnout is sick and causes a lot of time off in my work so I think recognise the signs and do what you need to avoid it