To just get a sick note as a single parent?

[Animalpsb]

Single parent to dd, 2. Her dad works in france in the week so absolutely nobody else to rely on.

I am in a reasonably highly paid job which is full on. Despite this, and despite decent maintenance, I scrape by with nursery fees, student loans, mortgage gone up etc.

I will have ran out of holiday already and it doesn’t renew until September. I am absolutely exhausted. I don’t know how to carry on juggling with no break. I don’t know what I’m going to do and now have concluded I will just have to call in sick for a week. Ive never done this before but I am at my wits end. I just don’t know what to do and need a break. Would this be a crazy thing to do? I’m so fed up

How many companies offer term time contracts? They are a thing of the past! If you come across anybody on one of these type of contracts it's likely because they have been with that company over a decade.

I would take a week or 2 off. I would put it to good use and do a plan what are you spending OP? Nursery is the easiest days wait till school starts you need a long term plan!

@LittleBearPad that may be the case, but they still have to do the GAD inventory etc and explore things before prescribing these days.

There are, despite the issues with the NHS, still some great GPs out there who won’t just prescribe and in many areas there are self referral counselling services (eg Surrey Minds near me) who, from experience, made a first contact/triage call within a few days.

Do it, if you don’t you might actually get ill from being run down, and be out for longer. You are ill of a type, so you’re not being dishonest. Recharged you’ll be better at work too

Stress/exhaustion can be just as or more debilitating than physical illnesses. And they can quite quickly make you physically ill too. Take the time you need and do not feel bad xxx

It’s not stress though it’s childcare. That’s not right.

can you not team tag with other parents eg I will take your daughter for Easter and you take mine in the summer. It will get easier.

can you have a conversation with her Dad - what weeks does he have her? Take unpaid leave. Please don’t call in sick when you aren’t. This is normal life. Trust me I raised two kids completely on my own with no ex or maintenance or help or family. But I didn’t call in sick when I tired or just worn out or needed childcare. Perhaps your employer will understand and you can work from home.

you at least own a house etc - plenty of people don’t

Are you aware you are entitled to up 4 weeks unpaid leave too?

But no, YANBU, sounds like you need a break

Can she not go to her dad when he’s home at weekends?

Take the week off now. You are sick; exhausted and overwhelmed, and need to rest and recuperate.
Use the time to build up your resilience. It sounds counterintuitive but physical exercise will make you better able to cope going forward. Spend a day sleeping and then get outdoors to walk or run or even dig the garden and work on your plan to ease your own burden.
Is there anything that you can stop doing?
Is there anything that you must do that you can afford to outsource?
Is there any way to rearrange your schedule to make things more efficient/take less time and energy?
I think it's going to be important for your well-being going forward to have made some tangible improvements this week so you won't need a week off every 3 months.
Things that helped me (depends on your circumstances whether they work for you):
Compressed hours: I was allowed to adjust my schedule so that I worked 9/10 days but did enough hours overall to maintain full pay. I was flexible so the day had to move around to make sure I was available for certain meetings etc but having a day to myself every couple of weeks really helped.
If you can afford it, just cutting your hours by 2h a week to get yourself a free afternoon once a fortnight will give you a breathing space if you can't get compressed hours.
Go to bed earlier and get up an hour before your child (only works if your toddler doesn't get up at the crack of dawn) to have a cuppa in peace and plan the day.
In the summer take your DD to the park on the way home from childcare every dry evening. You get quality time together and she'll sleep better.
Enjoy your DD: this seems obvious on paper but I had a period where my whole life seemed to be about the grind of logistics and work and feeding and childcare rather than actually enjoying the time. 2 is a great age but also a hard one. I found I had to rejig my schedule to make a little time for an orchard game at the kitchen table or a game of hide and seek; also 'helping' with housework made it more fun and was something that helped me through. Not that they were any help but if the skirting board was dusted and their own pants and socks went in the drawer I could praise them and see the faces light up. That really helped.
I sympathise so much OP. It's a really tough time. Cut yourself as much slack as you can. Use friends and family (make reciprocal arrangements with other Mums from childcare if you can) and put yourself first sometimes. I hope you feel better soon

Stress and exhaustion are not interchangeable and are not the same.

I wouldn’t discourage anyone from seeking medical help. You were telling the OP what to say to her doctor to get a sick note! If you see my earlier post I agreed she needs a break but disagree to her jumping on the mental health bandwagon because she’s exhausted and needs a break.

as someone who has had a nervous breakdown, I can tell you that a genuine mental crisis is a world away from being tired and needing a week on the sofa.

Edit to add that the OP hasn’t given any other information about her health that can be taken into consideration so I’m responding to what we know.

Did I say they were? I just don’t know which one op is suffering with. But both are awful and the effects should not be minimised. What an odd thing to pull someone up on 🙄

I’d take longer than a week. Why wouldn’t you?? No one’s going to give you a blue peter badge for struggling on for your employers sake. They can afford you absent for a week or a month. Put yourself first and don’t feel guilty about it. In France where we live this is mega mega common and no one bats an eyelid. You and family come first not employer.X

By all means take a week , exhaustion is real and harmful . Can I ask why her dad doesn’t help with nursery costs ?

Can't you get a week unpaid child leave?

i would suggst that

but why does your title say single parent
you want a sick note

If you've used all of your AL in the first 6 months, what are you plans for the rest of the year?

You surely can't keep going sick because you've run out of AL

It’s not an odd clarification at all. In an earlier post I said if the OP was exhausted she should get a sick note for exhaustions, not go down the mental health route. There is no suggestion in the OP that Mental health is the issue. Normal parenting stresses are not a mental health issue, they’d fall within normal daily stress everybody has.

Writing exhaustion/stress makes it look like you are using them interchangeably. Sorry if it was a misinterpretation of grammar.

Good fucking grief is this seriously what its come to these days? You've used all your holidays and now want more paid time off, because your a single parent with a 2yr old?

Just unbelievable to me, what about the people in work that will have to cover your work while youre at home "resting" for a week? Do they get their own week off and you can cover their work??

Boohoo, life is tough, hard and busy, you chose to have a child, so look after them and get on with life.

How do you know the employer can afford it and if they can, why should they? What about the people that have to cover OP's absence, is it fair on them?

The country would collapse if everyone that was tired, busy, burnt out took paid sick leave.

Can you get a gp to sign you off work for the week?
Ask for stress leave?
When work and daily life gets exhausting, relax and cuddle up with your child at the end of the day.
Eat meals you enjoy, enjoy the small stuff.
Is your child's dad able to take some leave to help you take a break?

GPs dont do first week do they, self certification for first week is normal

Can you take it as parental leave?

My former employer gave full paid time off to all manner of people: there was grandparents’ leave, IVF leave, honeymoon leave, bereavement leave, military reservists leave, volunteering leave, carers leave, new school leave, special constables’ leave - I even knew someone who got puppy leave to look after a new pet.

Strangely however there was no single parents leave…

I took two weeks off with stress recently and it did me the world of good. I've never done it before and it was quite easy to get signed off. Life just got too much and I wasn't functioning well. You have to put your own health first and you will be more productive after a break anyway. One week wouldn't have been enough for me... Everyone needs to have a break sometimes and I know plenty of people who have done this. Decent workplaces are understanding. Let us know what you do?

Take a week, stress and burnout is a legitimate health concern and you are better going to the GP to rest before your mental and physical health is affected. You need to be well to take care of your kids AND to do your job correctlyI. All the GPs I know would happily hear you out and support you taking a week to rest (I work in medicine- we see this a LOT) Ignore others saying a week is too much, I imagine the couldn't hack a day in your shoes!