To just get a sick note as a single parent?

[Animalpsb]

Single parent to dd, 2. Her dad works in france in the week so absolutely nobody else to rely on.

I am in a reasonably highly paid job which is full on. Despite this, and despite decent maintenance, I scrape by with nursery fees, student loans, mortgage gone up etc.

I will have ran out of holiday already and it doesn’t renew until September. I am absolutely exhausted. I don’t know how to carry on juggling with no break. I don’t know what I’m going to do and now have concluded I will just have to call in sick for a week. Ive never done this before but I am at my wits end. I just don’t know what to do and need a break. Would this be a crazy thing to do? I’m so fed up

You don’t need a sick note to take a week off work but you might find if you’re struggling with stress and your mental health that the gp may sign you off work for a few weeks but either way you are entitled to sick leave so if you feel you need to us it do so and enjoy some time to yourself.

Take the week. Take longer if needed. Burnout is real and awful and can take years to recover from so rest now before you get there.

But also use some of that time to think how you can reset your life a bit. This doesn't sound sustainable

(And I say that as someone who kept going and going and then hit a wall of exhaustion)

Love parent of 14 years here.

Does your work have an employee helpline so you can talk to someone?
Yes take the break, I've been in situations where I thought I was going to tip over the edge and needed some time.

A lot of people have no idea how hard it is.

Couple of other things:
Duvet days at home with your DC is fine. It's ok to leave the house messy.

How old is the DC?

Burn out is illness, it's mental health related. Wait until your DC is back at school then get signed off with stress, most drs will only do this for 2 weeks plus your 1 week self certificate. If you do it when DC is at school you'll be able to rest.

Apologies just seen she is 2. No two ways I thought this was the hardest age. Once they are at school it's easier. In the meantime is there any chance you can afford to slightly change your childcare arrangements?

I found a live in nanny more useful and economical than full time nursery.
It meant I could work late, go to the gym etc. see friends. But it depends what fees you are currently paying.

If you are burnt out then taking time off sick may be needed to recharge your batteries however it's only a temporary fix. A few months down the line you will be in the same situation. Take time to re-evaluate and put a coping plan in place.

Oh they're 2, even better. Keep them in childcare and get signed off with stress

I think if you are feeling that burnt out taking a week off to recover is reasonable and reporting not fit for work is one way of doing this.

You don't need a doctors note however and by law they can't issue you one for the first week, you self certify for the first week and if you need time off beyond this at that point a fit note can be issued.

Your health and family are your main priority. This includes your mental health. If you get paid then yes take a week, heck take longer if you need it and your doctor will cover you with a sick note. You and your husband both pay taxes. If your mentally ill your entitled sick pay just like any other illness. If you don’t listen to your body and take this time now, you will end up burnt out and make yourself ill anyway so either way you will end up being off sick. Could you afford to reduce your hours for a while? Or maybe after your week off speak to your employer about a phased return. Your also entitled to say many parental leave days per year for childcare/ unexpected family issues. Hope you feel better soon! I’m assuming your off over Easter for 4 days too? So maybe take your week on the back of that ie starting the Tuesday so you have 11 days off.

You can self certify for up to 7 days, so I'd start with just taking a week off.
Up to you what reason you give your employer.
What are your symptoms of exhaustion?
If they include headache, nausea or migraine you could say something like that to start with. It's not dishonest and you don't have to give your employer your full medical details, it's just total fabrication of illness that's not okay.

You may find that you get towards the end of the week and find you need longer (might not realise how exhausted you are until you stop). At that point you can see your GP and they could write exhaustion or stress on your sick note.
Or you might find that a few days rest is all you need.

Longer term you might want to think about condensing your hours to an 8 or 9 day fortnight if this is something your employer can support.
Or possibly a temporary reduction in hours.

Go for it. Take the time off whilst your little one is at nursery so you can rest and focus on you. Do you enjoy swimming or walking?
2 is a tricky age - not easy but it will get better. Sending hugs.

When I was a single mum for 12 years with my ds and had time off for several weeks during it, when I felt he needed me and when I felt I needed it. I was brought up you didn't stay off work or school unless you was dying but I saw so many people around me depressed and broken down and they didn't even have the cost of living on top of their shoulders!! You are the only mum they have and you want them to remember you happy not exhausted take what time you feel is needed not what anyone else thinks.
Sending love ❤️

Call in sick now as it's crisis management, but use the time to work out how you're going to get a regular break. What are your weekends like, does your DD's father have your DD then? If not, I'd look into something like a gym membership that has a crèche, if you can afford it. That's what I used when my kids were toddlers, sometimes I'd just sit in the cafe. What you're doing isn't sustainable, so you have to work out what will be. You say you're scraping by now, but you need to stay healthy to be a mum and to work to provide for you both, so invest in your mental health, even if you have to cut back in other areas. Could you ask for flexible working? Would a longer day but a day off a week be possible? If your daughter is in nursery, a longer day may not be so bad if the nursery is open long enough to facilitate it. Could you cut back anything so you can prioritise you staying well for just another year or so, until childcare is cheaper. Pension contributions maybe? Ask for a mortgage holiday? You'll need to do something, or you're at risk of not being able to work.

Yes do it! My mental health was suffering last year from the constant dredge of it all. The doctor signed me off for 2 weeks and I did absolutely nothing apart from things I enjoyed, naps etc. I stopped myself embarking on any new DIY projects around the house and just gave myself a break - I feel so much better for it. Make sure you pick a week where DD will not be around, I waited until September when my DD was back at school so I could have a solid 6 hours a day to myself

Tiredness, even exhaustion, isn’t a mental health issue. Getting a sick note for stress will just feed into the problem of people abusing the system when they need a break.

I agree you need a break but ask your doctor to sign you off for exhaustion, don’t cite mental health.

Submitting a flexible working request, asking for a 9 day fortnight is a great idea. Unless you're doing something specific where you absolutely need to see clients every day and noone else can or something similar, most employers would struggle to come up with a good business reason to refuse.

What happens at the weekends if your DD's father is working in France during the week? Does he return to the UK? Would he take her for a full weekend to give you a break?

Don't see it as because you're a parent, it's exhaustion, fatigue and stress and you can self certificate for up to 7 days. Don't take single days off as it will count as more instances.

If you're struggling with money maybe check sick pay policy. It may be you only get full pay for fewer days

You are entitled to request additional parental leave of 2 weeks. They might not like it, but you are likely very valued and they should try to support you. https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

A call to your GP and a chat that you are experiencing low mood and general exhaustion should be totally valid for a sick certificate. They may suggest you have some counselling too, and i’ take it, as it’s good to just be able to offload to an independent party and get some perspective.

As people on this and other similar threads will tell have said, though, toddler years are the toughest phase in terms of managing them/work and the expense. It will pass when they start school, so I would reach out to your GP/HV and get some support for now.

Hang in there.

Is your DD’s father your partner? Where’s he in all this, particularly at weekends.

Definitely do it. Mental health is as important as physical health. Don't take parental leave because you won't get paid, just call in sick and use the first couple of days to recharge and the last couple to come up with a plan to avoid this happening again. I don't even think you'll need a sick note for the first week.

if it’s paid for, take it! Stress is a legitimate sickness which your doctor will sign you off for!

Go to the doctor and get signed off for a few weeks. It sounds like you really need a break. Good luck.

If you've used all your holiday, why do you so badly need an extra break or think you're entitled to more?

There's being tired and busy, and that's not being sick.

Sick leave is for illness, not being paid to focus on your home life instead of work.