To just get a sick note as a single parent?

[Animalpsb]

Single parent to dd, 2. Her dad works in france in the week so absolutely nobody else to rely on.

I am in a reasonably highly paid job which is full on. Despite this, and despite decent maintenance, I scrape by with nursery fees, student loans, mortgage gone up etc.

I will have ran out of holiday already and it doesn’t renew until September. I am absolutely exhausted. I don’t know how to carry on juggling with no break. I don’t know what I’m going to do and now have concluded I will just have to call in sick for a week. Ive never done this before but I am at my wits end. I just don’t know what to do and need a break. Would this be a crazy thing to do? I’m so fed up

Yes, but what is the longer term plan?

Can her father take some annual leave and stay in the UK and support for a week or two, even if he has to rent an AirBnB or something locally? He needs to step up.

Any other rellies who can help the odd weekend or week night? Any friends where you can swap a playdate to get a half day by yourself now and then? Does the nursery have anyone who babysits who could do a weekend day for you and give you a day "off"?

Also, plan your unpaid parental leave now - you can't usually take it at short notice, but plan for a week in June and a week in August, or something.

I think YABU for already using all your holiday allowance when there’s almost 6 months until your allowance refreshes. Surely you save a few days just in case?

YANBU to go off sick if you’re not well, it sounds like you’re stressed.

I’m sorry but you need to ask her father for support . Can’t he take some holiday to come back and lighten the load?

You don't need a note from doctor to take a week off and for people saying take parental leave I can see that isn't possible from a financial point of view.

I think you need to balance out the next few months, you have five months to get through. Do you get bank holidays? If so you have a nice long weekend, in a month you get another long weekend with the early May bank holiday and then the end of the month again for the late May bank holiday. If you have any worries about your sickness record would it be better to hold on to the week off till say June or July when you will have a longer stretch without a break?

Either way if you need a week off then take it.

@Animalpsb you sound exhausted, stressed and unwell. You only need to provide a fit note after a 7 day absence.

However from what you have said, you sound emotionally and physically drained. Phone in sick on Monday and tell them you are unwell and have zero energy.

Please make an appointment to see your GP (I hope you can get one). There may be underlying reasons: low iron, thyroid issues, low vitamin D, etc., so do please ask for bloods to be run so you have a baseline and any issues can be identified. Also, you may be a little depressed and there may be some talking therapies available and helpful, alternatively something like "Headspace" may be helpful. Meanwhile, please be kind to yourself

I would suggest that if you are signed off, you ask the GP to put "Non work related stress" on the fit note.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

Things can crop up, if she has no back up for child care and the little one is too sick for nursery what do you expect her to do?

Go for it, take the week off, I guess many others do. As others have stated, no sick note req - sel certificate I think its called

They may ask you if you went to docs - tell them know as it was just xxx that made you unwell to come into work

Hope you get over it

how can you ahve run out of holiday already?

There is so little support for single parents in this country. I didn't choose to be a single parent, my ex was violent and wasn't allowed contact with either of us.
I had nobody either.
I just found it a constant gruelling slog and the childminder cost a fortune.
There was never a day off or a break.
At the time I did take quite a lot of sick leave because it was the only way I could juggle things.
Now years later and DS is grown up I often look back and think WTF how did I do it.
Do what you have to to stay sane.

Has there been exceptional circumstances that have caused you to use your entire years annual leave so early without keeping anything back? Or have you been taking leave because you have not been coping regularly?

Using (abusing? - depends on how you got into this situation) sick leave might sort you out very short term, but you need a longer term solution whether that is getting a GP check up or looking at where you can make life a bit easier (easier said than done!)

What do these actually do though? The op just needs a break and her mental health will suffer if she doesn’t get one. I am not sure more meetings with professionals will help her keep working without needing a break.

I have a partner who contributes a lot and am thinking of taking a break day just for coping, so I think you should do it. Preserving your sanity is not taking the piss.

"Stress" isn't an illness. It's better to put the actual symptoms you are experiencing when you tell work you are sick.

That's a completely useless comment that doesn't help OP at all. Its very easy to run out of annual leave if you have a child and you are on your own. Child sickness, time off for appointments, all kinds of things.
Not everyone has many weeks of holiday. I was lucky I had 7 weeks holiday in the NHS but she might have no more than 4 weeks which is nothing.

The only thing I have to add is sure her dad works in France for the week, but what if you called and said I’m desperate, I’ve used up all my leave with our child, I’m taking a weeks sick leave because I’m not coping, I need you to take a weeks leave and look after our child. Any chance he would pitch in?

so the holiday goes from september to september
and actually you are meant to take some per quarter
not have 5 months without any leave at all.

just checking the op hadnt miscalculated

Make sure he has her every weekend for a few weeks?

It's easy to run out of holiday. I remember one year when my child was a year older than OPs. I had a week off when both kids had chicken pox. We'd had a holiday in the summer. I took a week off as youngest was having an op. Spent Monday at the hospital and on Tuesday doctor decided my little one wasn't ready for the op. No child care arranged for Wednesday but went back to work on Thursday. I now had 2 days holiday left and then the op was rescheduled and I only had 2 days to take. Fortunately my boss was lovely, just told me to take it and the day for a check up a week after the op and a day off a month later to see Consultant. So I took 5 extra days that year, bad planning or just life?

When mine were small I did this on occasion. It kept me sane.
I would absolutely do this. Like you, my employer had the Bradford factor. I was an ace at bobbing along below the threshold.

OP is tired and needs a break. Her mood is low because she’s tired. She does not have a mental health problem from the info we have.

You are coaching her on what to say to game the system. So irresponsible.

No it wouldn't be crazy if you are mentally exhausted.

You can self-certify for the first week anyway so don't even need a doctor's note, though check the sickness policy where you work just in case it is different from the norm.

I doubt that OP would describe themselves as a single parent if their DD's father was their partner. I could be wrong, they could be calling themselves that because their partner works in France all week, but I'd be surprised if that was the case. The father should be helping, but not all do, particularly when they're not in a relationship with the mother, and making them help in that situation is going to be difficult.

Annual leave is often easier to manage in the nursery years so you do need to have a think about why you’ve run out. School is trickier with inset days, holidays etc and you don’t get a break in the same way. So you need to get things in a more sustainable place now. Would you be able to adjust your hours at all so you can have a day off through compressing? Eg a 9 day fortnight? Your child’s dad also needs to step up. It’s not ok for him to just bugger off to France and take no responsibility.

Bore off - I am not coaching anyone to do anything.

You have no idea what she is truly feeling - hence she needs to speak to a GP. You cannot infer the depth of her mood any more than I can. The GP will ask her to do several GAD/depression inventories and explore whether, in fact, she is ‘just tired’ or there is more underlying this. Thyroid or low vit D levels for example. You cannot diagnose NOR exclude a diagnosis from her post.

As a single mum, working full time, with no support and a toddler she may, in fact, have some level of post natal depression. So, in essence, YOU are being effing irresponsible to discourage her from speaking to a doctor to explore whether she needs help and whether there is help available.

Maybe they've had an actual holiday, then used the odd day here and there to look after a sick child who can't go to nursery. Babies pick up all sorts so it's quite conceivable that could total quite a number of days, especially if they have no other support.

The GP will throw some anti-depressants at OP and sign her off for a fortnight. That’s what the NHS does because it’s cheap. The chances of actual support and interventions is vanishingly small.