Very taken aback by partner’s comment on “lads holiday”

[Yorkiepud2614]

My partner has just come back from his brother’s stag (5 nights in Budapest for anyone curious) and told me that most of the boys on the trip (10 of them) consider it more normal to go on lads holidays then away with their partners. One guy had been on four trips with “the boys” during his four year relationship and never once been on holiday with said girlfriend. This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.
He now believes it is the norm for men to go on holiday with their friends rather than their girlfriends/wives because that is what is normal in his friend group.
Am I crazy for thinking this probably isn’t the norm?

My exDP used to go on one blokes skiing trip a year and go to (weekend) festivals with mates too occasionally. But we didn't share any children.

My exH (we were married young) used to go on stag trips away with his friends but nothing else certainly when we had young children.

Not normal at all in my circle! Me and my partner love going on holidays together. We do also do separate holidays/ weekends away with our friends but holidays together more. I love exploring the world with him as does he!

The 'lads' that OP's partner have are the kind of partners/husbands that absolve themselves of all responsibility for childcare/chores at home when there are partners/children in the mix. Immature and deeply unattractive.

Imagine you'd have to be pretty desperate to keep trying to make a 'relationship' with a 'lad' like that work long-term. Better off on your own, tbh.

There is no "norm". It will depend on what your friendship group is like and on your personality. Most of our overseas holidays have been with groups. We tend to stick to local places as a couple.

This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.

Honestly? If my partner said this to me, his status would be changing to ex-partner pretty damn quick.

I think for your partner's age group it's probably more common than for older people. If the friends are 26-30 then I would imagine some are probably not in long term relationships and others would be having the traditional pre-wedding stag.

My guess would be that in the next few years, this changes quite considerably.

My DH would rather gorge his eyes out than go on a lads holiday. And he can’t stand stag dos either…

I love my dh going on a mountain biking weekend as there is no way I would want to go with him as it terrifies me and the fishing trips would bore me.

Similarly he would not want to go to a crafting weekend or ladies Brazilian juijitsu retreat with me and my friends

However, if we had limited budget the priority would be:
Family holiday
Couple holiday
Friend trips

I’ve never had a boyfriend or partner that went on ‘lads holidays’. I am 50s now and married. I have never had a circle of friends that do things in single sex groups. I have male and female friends.

I’ve never been with a guy who goes on lads holidays or who would want to go on a holiday with someone other than me.

In fact I’ve had to encourage them to have friends and do stuff with them.

sounds like it might be an age and culture thing

Not normal and so patronising saying you are lucky to benefit from his company!

Also men like this (and trust me I know) will be more than likely to cheat and their mates will cover for them (happened to me with the mate covering for him).

And what’s worse is unless their behaviour is nipped in the bud it carries on into their marriage even if they have kids.

Actually I was thinking. My DB as far as I know has never been on a lads holiday when he’s been in a relationship! Maybe one camping holiday or away with work with a friend/colleague but his lads holidays he did have were all in his teens or early 20s when he wasn’t in a relationship (and he tended to go from one relationship to the next).

My husband was due to go on a lads weekend thing in October but we found out that I’m pregnant and due on the date they go so that’s blown his jolly out the window 😂

We have separate trips, sometimes solo, sometimes with friends. As well as our trips together.
We both like doing things as individuals, gives us lots to talk about!

Maybe remind him he isn't a "lad" anymore and hasn't been for a long time. There might be tears so get a tissue ready to dry his eyes.

I see that more in BF/GF dynamics. As couples get married is less and less and once kids enter the picture I don’t really see the lads breaks happening (especially as more of the men in the circle have kids)

Sounds a bit like he's trying to tell you something.

Envourage him to go and change the locks/ move out while he's away

This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.

he has turned that around to you ieng lucky - what a twit

I love how the word 'healthy' comes up when describing men or women who go on holiday with mates when they're married with or without children. We both work hard & our time off for holidays together is precious. There's no way on earth either of us would choose to spend times off work to holiday with mates but each to their own.

Come again?

Yes, mine too. He does occasionally go on afishing trip with one friend.

DH & I have neighbours who own a business & they're together 24/7. They're very rarely apart socially either. They're one of the happiest couples we know, always smiling. There is absolutely nothing unhealthy about it,at least imo.

Maybe weekend breaks? There are 52 of them you know. So a weekend away once a month and 2 to fortnightly breaks.