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Original poster

Very taken aback by partner’s comment on “lads holiday”

270 replies

Yorkiepud2614 · 26/03/2024 07:48

My partner has just come back from his brother’s stag (5 nights in Budapest for anyone curious) and told me that most of the boys on the trip (10 of them) consider it more normal to go on lads holidays then away with their partners. One guy had been on four trips with “the boys” during his four year relationship and never once been on holiday with said girlfriend. This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.
He now believes it is the norm for men to go on holiday with their friends rather than their girlfriends/wives because that is what is normal in his friend group.
Am I crazy for thinking this probably isn’t the norm?

OP posts:
Bringbackspring · 26/03/2024 13:55

I don't think it's normal. I think normal is either a mixture of trips with friend(s) and trips with partner (usually more with partner than friends), or just trips with their partner/family. I can't think of anyone I know in a long term relationship who only goes away with their mates and not with their partner. I know quite a lot of couples who only seem to holiday with a group of friends. Not my cup of tea, but at least both people in the relationship are there together.

Don't let your boyfriend make you think you are 'lucky' to be in a relationship with someone who wants to spend time with you. That should just be the absolute basic expectation for any relationship and not some special situation.

pizzaHeart · 26/03/2024 13:57

It reminds me the situation when children demand mobile phones claiming that all other children at their lower primary got one already. Yes, darling they are ….

Hocuspocusnonsense · 26/03/2024 14:01

No it’s not normal amongst MEN!

The problem you have is your partner is still in the ‘boys’ mindset. He wants to be ‘one of the boys’ all his friends are ‘one of the boys’. Where does it stop? If he doesn’t shag about on a stag weekend are you also ‘lucky’ that he doesn’t?

It’s okay to be 30 and still holiday with ‘the boys’ when you’re single. But if you’re in a committed relationship and you see your future with that person then holidays/experiences with them should take priority over ‘lads’ holidays.

Hocuspocusnonsense · 26/03/2024 14:14

I would also be really mindful that’s it’s highly likely some (if not all!) of them shag about on these holidays with a ‘what happens on holiday stays on holiday’ mindset

PurpleChrayn · 26/03/2024 14:25

I don't think I could be married to a man who has "lads".

LifeExperience · 26/03/2024 14:39

Any man who told me I was "lucky" that he would go on holiday with me would be promptly shown the door.

HideTheCroissants · 26/03/2024 14:57

My DH and his friends don’t have separate holidays to their partners. DH occasionally goes away for a night for work and I have in the past gone to visit my brother for a couple of nights without DH. Everyone I know (or at least those whose holiday arrangements I’m privy to) holidays with their partner (and children where applicable). I used to work with someone who used to holiday separately to her husband but that was because she didn’t actually like him very much.

stoptryingtomakefetchhappen · 26/03/2024 14:59

In the early days of our relationship and pre-kids (in our twenties) DH would go skiing with mates once a year. But that was only because I didn’t ski and didn’t really want to, not because I wasn’t invited. Some of the other guys would bring their girlfriends. Other than that it’s just been a few stag weekends (some of them abroad) but no ‘lads’ holidays. We’ve been away a lot together. So no, YANBU and he is talking BS!
Interestingly now in my mid forties several of our friends are trying to organise separate long weekends but it’s the first time in about 20 yrs that any of us have considered it…

Wexone · 26/03/2024 15:07

Pipsquiggle · 26/03/2024 13:18

This is an age thing - I used to go on 'girls holidays' then I got married and had DC, got a mortgage = less disposable income.
We now have family holidays.
I go away once a year with friends for 1 night.

I've been away abroad with girlfriends twice in the last 8 years for about 5 days.

I find men who carry on going on 'lads, lads, lads' holidays when they have wife/family are grim & ghastly.

Agree with this totally life and priorities change as you get older. Stags are common at a certain age but as you get older gets less common
My husband does go to an odd trip away bit would only be a night or two and normally its part of his hobby (which i find very boring ) He doesn't drink either
I also go an odd trip away but that is because friends are scattered all over and we meet up for a night out together
me and my husband love our holidays together ( we don't row on holidays ) we have the same ideas of a holiday and make the most of it every year
A break away from each other once in a blue moon is ok, however to not want to go on holiday with you raises red flags to me

Capmagturk · 26/03/2024 15:14

Not normal in my circle, I couldn't tell you the last time my dh had a "lads" night out, never mind a holiday he likely couldn't think of anything worse, he's 39 tomorrow. He'd rather socialise and holiday together. I'd happily go away with my friends though. We have gone away previously on stags/hens when we were younger.

Dinoswearunderpants · 26/03/2024 15:14

I think your partner has got a degree in gaslighting!

It is very not normal to go on holiday with friends over partners. I travel often without my husband and have always during our relationship. I know this is very uncommon.

The reason why we do it is because he has three other kids so I'd often go for long weekends so he could spend quality time with them. Now I often go away just myself and little one as DH hasn't got the time off/funds to always come with us.

sandyhappypeople · 26/03/2024 15:14

the only people in my family who did this (go on holiday with friends but not each other), had been together quite a while and were actually desperately unhappy together and split up with a couple of years, they both now go on holiday with their respective spouses with no issues.

MrsSunshine2b · 26/03/2024 15:16

No, it's not even slightly normal. Neither my husband nor my Dad would dream of going on a "lads holiday" unless it was a stag weekend maybe. They are grown adults with a family to support, not teenage boys. Tell him to grow up.

Anonymous2025 · 26/03/2024 15:17

What amazes me is that 10 women have such low standards on men that they date those losers !
Show your hubby this . No it’s not the norm , no no proper partner or dad wants to go away all the time without their wife’s and children .
Thankfully by partner prefer to do things as a family as do I .

HowToSaveAWife · 26/03/2024 15:18

He'd be lucky to not find my foot up his arse at any hint of "lucky he goes on holiday with me" type comments.

Sounds like he's teeing up more lads holidays and planting the seeds that everyone else has a dolly so why can't I...

Edit: and no, not the norm. DH doesn't do lads holidays, neither do his friends. All holiday with their girlfriend/wife.

tuvamoodyson · 26/03/2024 15:19

I would say quite the reverse! You sound terribly unlucky to be lumbered with him…I’d dump him quicker than I’d dump toxic waste tbh.

YouJustDoYou · 26/03/2024 15:19

It's not normal for "men", it is for "boys". Your partner is still like a boy.

Shouldgetupearlier · 26/03/2024 15:21

Depends if you call ‘hobby ‘holidays - cycling, golf etc a lads holiday. Men going on a beach holiday together a= very strange, men on a sporting holiday -less so

thesangriapeople · 26/03/2024 15:24

No it's not the norm. They sound like men-children.

TheJoyousRobin · 26/03/2024 15:27

Nope, not normal. Is he dating you or his friends ?

Margritte · 26/03/2024 15:29

We've never been on separate holidays, other than a couple of ski trips in the early days, and sibling stag/hens, but they were always outdoorsy stuff and cooking/eating together rather than what I imagine to be a classic 'lad's holiday.'

Allfur · 26/03/2024 15:32

5 nights in Budapest is a bit ott, I presume its for all the extra curriculars

Leilalala · 26/03/2024 15:34

2024mum · 26/03/2024 07:55

Maybe if you're 18!

Agree! To me it’s a sign of an immature view on what a romantic relationship is.

Dentistlakes · 26/03/2024 15:34

Not normal since we had kids. Prior to that, DH did go on breaks with friends as holidays weren’t at a premium like they are now (with having to cover school holidays).

I do think it’s normal in some circles though, but maybe more for the younger crowd (under 30).

RampantIvy · 26/03/2024 15:36

I don't know any male who does this. DH goes back to the village where he grew up and meets his cousin for a walking holiday once a year, but that's it.

The guy who never goes on holiday with his partner doesn't sound very nice.

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