Very taken aback by partner’s comment on “lads holiday”

[Yorkiepud2614]

My partner has just come back from his brother’s stag (5 nights in Budapest for anyone curious) and told me that most of the boys on the trip (10 of them) consider it more normal to go on lads holidays then away with their partners. One guy had been on four trips with “the boys” during his four year relationship and never once been on holiday with said girlfriend. This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.
He now believes it is the norm for men to go on holiday with their friends rather than their girlfriends/wives because that is what is normal in his friend group.
Am I crazy for thinking this probably isn’t the norm?

Well, I’d be using the word lucky a lot. You’re lucky to have a partner who is willing to go on holidays with you. Oh I’ve booked a week in Ibiza with the girls, you’re lucky to have a partner that doesn’t do that every month. What’s that? You’d have liked to come to Ibiza? Oh no I just don’t deserve the splendour of your presence on EVERY holiday, id be spoilt! Next time, maybe a night away in Reading. Here’s a coffee, I forgot to ask actually- do the lads partners make them coffee or are you just really lucky?

in my experience men who would spend most of their holidays without their partner are in shitty relationships of several kinds- either he doesn’t like or value her enough and she should leave, or she has no interest in him and is going ti leave (I suppose unless she thinks the relationship delivers her enough material benefits that she can tolerate him). Are his friends pretty much entitled wankers?

Wow! That’s a lot of trips!

We both go on (seperate) lads holidays at least once a year, he’s on a lads trip away at the minute while I’m on holiday with the kids. We do also go away together/as a family as well, but overall as we both go away with friends, our lads holidays sometimes out number family holidays, purely because there are two of us going on lads holidays, rather than one.

I think I would call them more “lost souls”. I must admit, I feel really bad for the woman who’s fiancée had been away four times during their relationship and not once with her.

"Lucky".

DH tried this on with me, that I'm lucky because he isn't completely useless around the house like his friends.

I said it wasn't lucky to expect another capable adult to do their fair share, his friend's wives are just fools for putting up with their BS.

The bar for expected behaviour in men appears pitifully low.

I would be asking myself whether I feel lucky to be going on holiday with him. If you stop to think about it you might be surprised.

50s here. A skiing or a cycling weekend once a year… for both of us (separately). I wouldn’t call DH’s weekend a “lads’ trip” though. A few beers/wine and lots of skiing. Might not even make the pub!

I think it depends on the type of holiday. I go away at least 5 times a year with friends, and probably 3/4 times With DH. Trips with friends are to gigs, or walking holidays (but often abroad). Trips with DH are longer holidays, with less of an agenda, other than skiing.

Just going boozing with mates several times a year wouldn’t sit right. The expense, for no real experience, would annoy any partner, I think.

He's laying the ground work.

They've been on this holiday, whilst there, discussed doing it more often, he's come home and started laying the ground work to get what he wants.

Wait a couple months, he'll start mentioning lads holidays and how great he is that he'd rather not go cause he'd miss you...
To which you're expected to reassure him that he can go...
To which he'll "umm I'm not sure, I don't know I might miss you, I'd rather go with you."
....
At that point, remember, he's already booked the ticketets. 🤪

Not normal in our family. We've gone away with my brother and SIL before but we don't take holidays separately.

Who has enough annual leave for all these trips??

OP the phrase 'lads' holiday' gives me the ick. He's a grown man, not a 'lad'. (I feel the same about 'girls', too). I don't think you're 'lucky'. I would go away without home more, and then eventually not bother with him anymore.

(My chap, in his 50s, tried calling his trip with friends on their (motor)bikes a 'lads' holiday'. He was a bit out when I said a few over 50s on motor bikes was more like a 'seniors reliving their youth holiday' 😂

In that age group I think lads breaks are normal. But it's not normal to only do lads breaks.

Well he sounds nice.

I think it depends on finances. In my circle it was usually couples or families only but as people have become more comfortable and child care costs reduce there are a few more friends weekends away. Not 5 nights though, no one would use up all their annual leave like that. Dh is mid 40s and goes on a ski trip or sunny weekend every year, some men I know go on golf trips. I have gone away twice on a city break with friends and this year had a spa weekend.

Dh does the odd lads weekend maybe once a year for a stag or similar. And I do the same. And we have a family holiday every year plus the odd weekend away just us.

Lucky indeed!!

Lol. And here am I trying to persuade OH to go away without me as I've no interest in South America.

Mind you I enjoy solo travel.

A good friend of mine does "lads" holidays. Skiing is main one and the yearly benidorm piss up. And weekenders mainly to do with music. His OH also goes away without him.

We are all in 50s age group.

The odd stag or hen do is normal in my circles. We also tend to go away with other couples/families once or twice a year. 'Lads' and 'girls' holidays died out when everyone started settling down though.

I'd be hugely offended if my DH chose regular holidays with friends over going away with me.

I think that's very odd. I've only ever been away without my husband twice in 50 years and I hated being away from him. Once was when my Mum took my daughter and I away for a week when he was self employed and knew he wouldn't be able to take any time off for many months. the other time was when I went to Australia for a week with my mum to go to my brother's funeral; this was right on the middle of my daughter's GCSEs so there wasn't any alternative but for my husband to stay home with her. If you're in a committed long term relationship, why would you choose to go on holiday without your partner/children to share your memories?

I would say "are you grateful that I chose to go away with you.?" Do you feel like I'm a second rate choice?"

Lucky that he enjoys spending time with you. He should want to!!

Sounds like your partner is trying to make you feel grateful. I would re-assess how much you do for him because he could be on his way to taking you for granted.

One guy had been on four trips with “the boys” during his four year relationship and never once been on holiday with said girlfriend.

I hope his girlfriend goes away without him. Do they live together?

Me and DH have been together over 25 years and other than the odd Stag do he has been on precisely 3 holidays without me.
I have never stopped him, he just doesnt do it.

Is he very young, this sounds extremely immature so I'd hazard a guess at early 20's but this attitude says a lot and I'd bail now.

Given your ages, I’d think you’d be getting to the end of lad’s / girl’s holidays.

simply because as more people get into long term relationships, they take their holidays with their partner. Sometimes in a group- but usually as a couple.

i used to go skiing with a mixed group of friends in my 20’s - numbers began to dwindle in 30’s and vanished when kids came along!

DH goes away skiing with his friends every year. I have a long weekend away with a friend every year. Recently I've had several short breaks with friends alone, while he has had weekends at music festivals, sporting fixtures etc. we also have a family holiday each year.

We both love our time with our friends.

It's absolutely normal for us and many of our friends.

Men saying "you're lucky I do X because most men are like Y" is the biggest red flag going 🚩🚩🚩