Very taken aback by partner’s comment on “lads holiday”

[Yorkiepud2614]

My partner has just come back from his brother’s stag (5 nights in Budapest for anyone curious) and told me that most of the boys on the trip (10 of them) consider it more normal to go on lads holidays then away with their partners. One guy had been on four trips with “the boys” during his four year relationship and never once been on holiday with said girlfriend. This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.
He now believes it is the norm for men to go on holiday with their friends rather than their girlfriends/wives because that is what is normal in his friend group.
Am I crazy for thinking this probably isn’t the norm?

My husband has gone on far more holidays with me than his pals. We both go at least once a year with friends though.

11-14 trips a year. How much holiday do they get? 25 days is the norm which doesn't go far on that many trips. Also keen to know what profession he's in, as I'm 50 and would love enough salary to pay for >10 trips a year

My dh goes fishing for 1 week every year in october with his friends.
he's done it for years and years, even before I met him.
Here's the twist - there used to be 6/7 of them. It's dwindled now so there's only the 2 of them.
All of the others prefer to spend holiday money with their families.
the main reason these 2 still go is because it's the only time they get to spend together these days.

I'm quite surprised by the fairly high number of posters on this thread who are seemingly with their SOs not because they actually enjoy their company, but because of other reasons, I guess sex, children, finances?

I'm not referring to the posters who mix holidays up with family, friends, solo; but to the handful who only go with friends, or describe holidaying with their SO as dull.

I thought we did away with being married to people you don't actually like in the 50s.

Never had or will have a problem with my husband going away with his mates, as long as our main family holiday is booked and paid for first. He equally would never stop me going with my friends. It doesn’t happen so much these days to be fair, as we are all knocking on a bit now.

No no no. I would not stand for this. We do have children though so our family holidays are important but even when we were younger we always went on holiday together. I have a hen do this year in the uk for a couple of nights and it will be the first time in our 10 year marriage I’ve been away by myself.

Dump him. If your relationship continues is he still going to not want to go on holiday when you're married and with kids? My husband and I couldn't wait to go away with each other when we first went out. He only ever went on one (prebooked before we dated ) holiday with a friend. Seriously, he's a spoilt brat of a child. Wave bye bye.

Maybe depending on your age. Are you in your early 20s with no kids?, if so then understandable his friends still have this mentality. It is definitely not normal for anyone I know(30s to 40s age) Although me and partner do try and squeeze in a 1 or 2 night break separately with our own friends once a year. Our main focus is our family holiday with kids. When we were pre kids then we had more holidays and did one big one together, a few short breaks together and a few separate with friends together. But we had money and time then. Now we have less of both due to being parents.

My dp doesn't go on lads holidays, just not his thing. He hasn't been away with mates the whole time we have been together (14 years). I do go on trips with friends but not at the expense of family holidays and haven't since we had the kids. I don't think it is the norm to rather go away with friends than your partner/spouse.

He sounds like an 18 year old... 🙄

Mmmmm, at 30yrs he's past lads holidays being the norm. But 26yrs? Probably still on the cusp.

My priority was girls holidays until I was probably 26-27yrs, no matter if I was in a relationship or not.

Probably just laugh it off, he'll figure it out soon enough.

There's quite a big life gap between 26-30yrs old - the most amount of change probably happens for girls between 26-30yrs and for men 30-34yrs.

Obviously this isn't the case for everyone but I'd say it was fairly typical of people who haven't left education until 22yrs.

I think he's just been a bit influenced hanging out with guys slightly younger. It's a phase of life. Everyone moves past it and girls/lads holidays start to naturally fizzle out.

Well, I'm in my 50's and 7 of us go on a girls holiday every year. My DH goes away with his mates every year. And we also have a family holiday. I love going with the girls, laying at the pool all day, out for a great meal at night. No endless nattering from my Teens, wanting this, that & the other. No moaning about boredom, no grumbling about the choice of restaurant. My DH likes his holiday for the same thing. He has a hard manual job and likes doing nothing for 3 or 4 days.

The voice of reason.

The OP's partner has said that he prefers going on holidays with her, to lads holidays.

That isn't enough for all the women screaming 'dump him'...

🙄

I work in a pub and a lot of men go on golf holidays or lads holidays. My husband used to go before we had kids. My argument is if you can afford to do both then fair enough but if you can only afford one holiday a year and you chose a lads holiday then I’d be a bit annoyed. Women go on girls holidays too though, I know a lot of couples that do separate holidays with their friends but also do couples/family holidays.

Has anyone considered that the 4year gf might just not like going on vacation or she might also prefer trips with her friends?

i don’t think lads trips are that unusual, my DH and his friends (mid thirties) still do skiing or kayaking or hiking/biking/camping trips for a few days or a week but those with gfs or wifes all go on more vacations or longer ones with their families.

Maybe it's normal for single 18-25 year olds but not for people with children. Me and my partner are 33/29 with 1 soon to be 2 kids so it would feel weird if he went away without us. He's been away once last year to see his brother in America (I refused to fly there again with a 2 year old so stopped with family instead) but he came home early as he missed our toddler.

My husband has not been on a lads holiday since we got together. He does nights away, usually because they have a gig to go to that isn’t local. He has done one or two weekend stags but nothing more than two nights (and one of them I was at the hen the same weekend(.

neither of us would want to be away from each other for that long, never mind spending that sort of money on a holiday that the other isn’t enjoying.

A lads or girls holiday would be fun, but my money and annual leave would have my partner set as the priority. A spare few days and money, then maybe

Been with DH since our teens. Now in our forties. He has never been on a lads holiday but we used to mini break several times a year. Now we generally just have one holiday a year.

Still immature lads then

I have one girls holiday a year (usually a long weekend) with a group of uni friends (we’re now in our 50’s), been doing it for a few years now. Before that I ha had a few other female friends that I had either a week or long weekend away with. Partner has had a few lads trips - they have an annual “beer” weekend away, he’s had a few other beer weekends, and the odd longer trip.

but the majority of our holidays are together.

If we ever have a discussion/disagreement and he says, “well other people do/don’t do that”, my response is usually…”I don’t give a f**k about other people, we’re not them “.

So tell him he’s the lucky one, not you, because if your relationship was anything like theirs, he would be single.

Arrested development! or maybe they are just like the ancient Greeks, in other words get together with women for the necessary purpose of procreating and then back to the safety of other men.

My son is mid 30s, and apart from his festival going years Bestival and the like, since living with his girlfriend for some 7 or so years, he's never taken a lads only holiday. The word "lad" implies someone who is not fully grown imo.

DH has been away with the lads twice since we have been together, and probably only once in 5 years prior to that.

Once was his stag. The other was his brother's stag. He did go away with "the boys" one other time but as it was his dad and brothers I'm not convinced it counts.

I've also just asked him if he wants to go on a lads break and he's raised an eyebrow at me and gone back to his phone.

No, I don't think it's normal. Stag weekend is an exception but apart from that I would say its normal for couples to go on holiday together.