Very taken aback by partner’s comment on “lads holiday”

[Yorkiepud2614]

My partner has just come back from his brother’s stag (5 nights in Budapest for anyone curious) and told me that most of the boys on the trip (10 of them) consider it more normal to go on lads holidays then away with their partners. One guy had been on four trips with “the boys” during his four year relationship and never once been on holiday with said girlfriend. This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.
He now believes it is the norm for men to go on holiday with their friends rather than their girlfriends/wives because that is what is normal in his friend group.
Am I crazy for thinking this probably isn’t the norm?

Get out now. If he says you are 'lucky' because he wants to holiday with you, trust me-you aren't lucky at all. With respect (not really) your partner sounds like a bit of a pr*t. You can do better than a man who says this to you, to make you feel grateful for his presence. Yuck.

If he'd said "The lads all said they don't go (or don't want to go) on holidays with their girlfriends but I love going with you" then that would have been a nice thing to say.

But telling her she's "lucky" that he would still rather go with her is deeply offensive and misogynistic and is a massive red flag.

Depends. Girlfriend is different from a wife. Most would rather ho with their wives but I would imagine if it's a girlfriend they would rather go with friends.

Sounds like his friends need to grow the fuck up!

Just what age group are you?
Just how important is your partner and you to him?
Seriously, I've told all my three daughters:
Your teens are for building qualifications and jumping through other people's hoops.
Your twenties are for having fun and putting yourself first, and exploring the best you can be work-wise.
Your thirties are for settling down, starting a family, and taking on responsibilities.
Your forties are a reflection period for did I work hard enough, did I invest enough time in my career, did I settle or did I marry the right person?
Right now, you have a wake-up time.
You probably settled. Do you want or expect better?
This guy is a knob-head - he can't work out whether going out with mates or you is most important.
If you were pushed off a boat and a shark was swimming towards you, would your partner jump in to help protect you?
If you were stranded on a desert island for a year without any outside communication, would your partner, having both choices, join you or leave you?

Tbf it is getting to be the norm. Lots of our couple friends have seperate holidays. We do to. Yes we still holiday together but nothing better then a bit of blow out time with the girls. You are lucky he could just choose not to holiday at all.

Even my 20yr old stopped the lads holidays and started the couple holidays when he met his girlfriend.

How old is your man-child?

So many needy people that need to feel like they're the centre of the universe.

How exhausting....

Not the norm in my circle my dh has never been on a lads holiday and I've never been on a girls holiday we've been together 7 years we prefer each others company

Absolutely not! If my partner would rather holiday with the lads than me then he’d be dumped simple

Or. They simply married a person who is their best friend and favourite person to go on holiday with. Which is the ideal surely? No idea why you've been bashing that thought process throughout.
A cynic might assume that it's because you settled, and thus discovering lots of people actually like their spouse is unsettling for you.

So many needy people that need to feel like they're the centre of the universe.

How exhausting....
This has serious "I'm not like the other girls" vibes going on.

It's entirely reasonable in a committed relationship to want to have holidays with your partner.

Different couples will have different budgets for travel, different lifestyles and schedules and that will mean some do more/less holidays with friends, but regardless of what they choose regarding friend trips, the romantic relationship is a key priority in most people's lives.

My comment referred to all the people that consider a man going on holiday with friends to be completely horrific.

In my opinion, these women appear to be controlling and abusive - e.g. 'i won't date a man that goes on stags'.

If a man told a woman that he'd dump her because she was planning to go her sister's hen, how would that play out on Mumsnet? Instead, we have other women cheerleading and saying how amazing that comment is.

It's a really bizarre groupthink.

That isn't controlling or abuse. That is stating your boundaries, which a person is free to accept or not.

I'll have to remember to throw that reasoning into the mix the next time I see accusations of controlling/abusive behaviour - 'He's just setting his boundaries. It's healthy.'

What on earth are you wittering about?
You brought up the person who said 'she wouldn't date someone who went on stags'. 'Date' someone. So she has made a perfectly acceptable decision that dating a bloke who would do this isn't for her. Which in no way bears any relation to anyone who is already immersed in a relationship and then starts to control where their partner can or cannot go. A totally different situation which you've just made up.

And how exactly would this red line come up prior to being in a relationship?

Well his friends must be in shit relationships, are liars, or he's being a twat. Maybe all 3!

Hi all. Is it normal for husband to go on lads trips - mostly football trips when eg there’s World Cup? I’m also thinking of going on girls trip.
we go on family and couples holidays together too

To go to the matches? Yes that's normal enough. Or do you mean just going away for the world cup and being nowhere near the games?