Very taken aback by partner’s comment on “lads holiday”

[Yorkiepud2614]

My partner has just come back from his brother’s stag (5 nights in Budapest for anyone curious) and told me that most of the boys on the trip (10 of them) consider it more normal to go on lads holidays then away with their partners. One guy had been on four trips with “the boys” during his four year relationship and never once been on holiday with said girlfriend. This has led my partner to believe I am “lucky” (his own words) that he would still rather go on holiday with me.
He now believes it is the norm for men to go on holiday with their friends rather than their girlfriends/wives because that is what is normal in his friend group.
Am I crazy for thinking this probably isn’t the norm?

Totally agree with this!
I don't men ir women that do this regularly. Possibly if a stag/hen do, but to be honest I know me and DH still wouldn't 'go on holiday' for this.

Laundry and housework don't do themselves you know!!

Are you for real?

Yes, @ThisOldThang

It's a genuine question.

That's a ridiculous question! Do you know any women who are really close to their female friends, talk all the time, meet up as often as possible and go to great effort to maintain their friendship? Do you ask them why they bothered to have a boyfriend or get married? Or do you just have an issue with men? Most of my friends male or female often lament the good old days, that's a completely normal way to feel once settled down.

Normal at 18/19, yes. At 30? Absolutely not.

I wouldn't say it's "the norm" - that implies it's perfectly acceptable. Some people expect this but in my experience, in the happiest relationships I know, both parties want to spend time together and have experiences together including holidays/trips/meals etc. Even if you also have trips with friends.

I guess the question is, is your partner commenting because that's what he'd like for his life - boys trips coming first? Or just musing on his friends views? Having been in a relationship where boys/friends trips and nights out always came first, I'd definitely set out the life you would like now and see if it is compatible with what he'd like.

Read what I've written and then explain how it means I prefer the company of men.

You've made a really bizarre interpretation of what I've said.

What a sexist comment.

I think in happy couples people have their own holidays sometimes. But it’s not the norm to have multiple separate holidays every year, no

@Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong

It isn't a ridiculous question whatsoever. The answer could very well be 'for sex and a family.'

@ThisOldThang

Um. The bit where you said 'lads holidays are fun and couples holidays are dull.'

I'm afraid your wrong re man hate @ThisOldThang
Just I'm only interested in the decent ones. It's taken me till 50 but I've finally found a decent one. Who is also my best friend.

Never mind what the norm is. I think that going away with friends is such a positive thing. People are fooled into thinking you only need your other half but it's not true. You need a variety of people in your life and to nurture friendships.

Not normal my husband has never had a lads holiday as such, the odd weekend away for a stag every couple of years

A lads holiday doesn't have to mean a week getting pissed in Benidorm! It's getting together with good friends for a few nights and having a break my wherever that may be. It's so important for men and women to have time away from each other. Otherwise your bubble gets smaller and smaller.

No lads holidays here. Like fuck is he spending money to go away on his own when he has a family. I'm not being left holding the baby while he spunks money up the wall on a lads break either. To be honest he wouldn't want to go anyway because he has a family and in his eyes that comes before anything like most 30+ men.

Absolutely.
Although the point of the ops post is really that he's made her feel like utter shit by suggesting she's lucky that he likes her enough to go on holiday with her.

In a good relationship, sure mix it up, but making your loved one feel like shit and constantly on egg shells trying to make sure they're entertaining enough for you-not so much.

Amongst my circles it's the norm to do both. Some of my friends rarely, if ever, go away with their partners and I'd say for pretty much all of them they're in fairly unhappy relationships and only really together because they don't want to be apart from their children.

I don't think it's healthy to never be away from your partner but nor is it healthy to not enjoy being with them.

My Dh and his exW's friendship group was like this. Lads trip and a separate girls trip every year; a lot of the husbands on the lads trip were desperate to get away from their wife and kids for a week. Any holidays as a family were always group holidays with several families going away together. I find it bizarre! Not usual at all in my my family and friendship circles, but it is clearly seen as normal for some people.

DH has stopped going on those trips now, although he does have the occasional golf weekend in the UK. I would be pissed off if he chose to go away with his mates over a family holiday. I've noticed that his exW has given up the girls holidays too in favour of a yearly holiday with her partner and child.

Tell him that he’s lucky to have you.

I'd rather drink my own piss than endure a group family holiday type thing. I don't especially like several of my friends' partners and wouldn't choose to be in their company for any amount of time. I really enjoy being away with my husband, and I enjoy being away with my friends but it's a very different dynamic and I wouldn't want to try to combine the two! Also would never prioritise going away with friends. I find it quite sad in all honesty that people endure such miserable relationships.

Once the stag dos are over and the single guys in the group settle down it tends to die down unless they're into some kind of sport they go to see abroad.

Most people we know do both, friend holidays and couple holidays. I do think it's weird if someone doesn't want to go on holidays with their partner, do they not like their partners?!