To be annoyed house was unlocked?

[Hettycan]

Just woke up to get water at 2am - go downstairs and automatically check front door is locked as I pass it as husband has many times before forgotten to lock it - it's unlocked and it's very slightly ajar. Go and check back door, that is also unlocked.

I check car keys are still there and nothing looks disturbed and go up to bed. My husband asks me what is going on as he's heard me opening and locking doors. I say in a hushed but annoyed voice you left both doors unlocked when you came up to bed (hours after I went to bed) - he just sighs and rolls over - I say someone could be in the house and he just lets out a mocking sigh like it's no big deal.

He genuinely thinks going to bed and forgetting to lock the house is no big deal, and I feel like it's a potentially dangerous fuck up - I am so annoyed, not about the mistake but about the blase attitude to it - he will clearly just do it again as to him it's "no big deal" so I'll add wake up and check doors are locked after he comes to bed to the mental load.

[generalexpert]

YABU - it's no big deal.

[OrderOfTheKookaburra]

Is letting out a big scream as though you're being attacked an option? Then just say "I was running a test to see how long it would take you to get down here as a test run for when a burglar strolls into the house through the open door which YOU bloody well left open!!!!"

[changefromhr]

That is so annoying! Is he irresponsible in other areas too?

[Andarna]

Would it help if you locked up when you go to bed in the evening to save getting up st night? Or does he come home late? I agree that having the mental load is tough, but I'd choose safety over it.

[SabbatWheel]

Tell him if you do get burgled and everything pinched from downstairs your insurers won’t pay out if you’ve left a door unlocked. That might focus his mind.

[kitchenhelprequired]

Is there a reason why either need to be unlocked or open once you go to bed? It shouldn't be your job, DH should understand a property needs to be secure overnight but could you just lock up when you go to bed?

[DoorPath]

@OrderOfTheKookaburra

Is letting out a big scream as though you're being attacked an option? Then just say "I was running a test to see how long it would take you to get down here as a test run for when a burglar strolls into the house through the open door which YOU bloody well left open!!!!"

Jesus Christ, I hope you're joking.

[Frumpitydoo]

My inspo for locking the doors is the Villisca axe murders. I am also a bit rubbish at door locking, but these murders serve as a good reminder that some evil turds just try random doors to find victims to rob or kill.

[LovelaceBiggWither]

Mine was very casual about it until the night we had one set of kids coming in the unlocked backdoor and another set of kids trying to get into our car. It was pure luck that I was sitting near the backdoor and saw him trying the door and screamed.

He's a lot better now.

[Janpoppy]

In relationships people do things to show their partner matters to them. This would include taking their concerns about safety seriously and treating their feelings as important.

Sorry to say but his attitude suggests he doesn't care about you.

[Autienotnaughtie]

I would be furious.

I'm not a fan of supporting incompetence but in this case I would lock up when I go to bed.

[User0311]

Iv left the door unlocked a couple of times completely by accident. Wouldn't say it's a huge deal but depends on your area

[Tiredgrumpyhormones]

We had someone try and steal DPs car quite a few times over a weekend. Tried to break in, clone keys etc. only knew from suspicious things that were left and burnt door and neighbours cctv.

he got cctv installed very quickly and lots of key pouches that had to be hidden. After that he left back doors unlocked as forgotten lots. I had asked one night before he went to bed if all was locked as he let the dog out. The thieves tried again with an unlocked door one night and did get nearly on. Thankfully I was up working a night shift (international project) and heard them and screamed and turned on a light.

DPs response was we have cctv so all would be ok. I said great you paid lots of money to see the faces of who robbed us! Just lock the door.

[WandaWonder]

We lock the door when we get in why do people want till they go to bed then create a drama?

People also need to be able to get out easily in an emergency

[OrderOfTheKookaburra]

@DoorPath

"Jesus Christ, I hope you're joking."

I am, sort of....

But I had handbag stolen with my keys inside because a stupid friend left the back door unlocked and open. The burglars heard us still up watching tv so quickly grabbed what was within reach and ran off with it.

So I am far more vigilant about this than others may be. And I would be furious at someone not locking up after themselves. Not sure how I would deal with a repeat offender - they could possibly find some personal items hidden as though they were stolen...

OP, can you change the front door to an automatically locking one?

[Mycatmyworld]

nothing happened so why on earth make a scene about it, not worth mentioning.

[Hoglet70]

I would be really cross too - especially as the door was ajar! That's like an invitation to come in.

[Anyday]

I've been burgled twice through leaving door open. Once woke up with the burglar in my bedroom rummaging around - he ran when I shouted but took loads of stuff with him. The invasion of privacy was terrifying. Non insurable of course. Second time just took a few crappy bits but left the door open so my house cat could have got out, luckily they didn't, I'm much more vigilant now, but these things are always fine until they aren't.

[ooooohnoooooo]

I'd be bloody furious and I just don't get all this 'it's no problem' attitudes of other posters.

If we didn't need locks, doors wouldn't have them. We have them because people who shouldn't be in our home and who are not invited, can't get in. It's not fecking rocket science.

Your husband is being an arse. A selfish arse. In a relationship when one person needs something that's important to them, and it's not hard for the other to do, why wouldn't they just fecking do it?

I'd sit down with him and have a serous discussion and tackle head on any deflections he makes . For example
You : I feel unsafe if you leave doors unlocked or open
Him: well that's stupid
You : it's not. And do you want me to feel unsafe in my own home?
Him: well I don't mean to
You : by leaving the door open you are making me unsafe. Stop doing it
Him: but you are being over sensitive
You: I'm not, it's how I feel and it's valid. I'm asking you to respect me and how I feel. Lock the doors. If you don't I'll know you don't give a shit about how I feel. It's not a bit thing to ask, why are you being so difficult about it?

If he carries in you'll know where you stand.

[Janehasamane]

My husband does this and it annoys me too. For me it’s basic common sense to lock the doors at night. He often forgets so I either have to remind him or check as I go up. His view seems to be, well who is going to break in. Which I find the oddest thought process.

[Zonder]

I'm amazed at the people saying it's no big deal.

Having unlocked doors anuls your house insurance so if someone breaks in you lose out.

Plus it makes it easy to be burgled and there are people who literally try door handles.

Having said that, I don't know why the OP can't check the doors on her way up. Make it the default that the doors remain locked unless being used.

[Mycatmyworld]

Can’t believe I’m reading so much venom over this! Absolutely nothing happened, everything was in the same place before going to bed, it was a simple mistake, we are all human & all make mistakes, forget it move on

[NotQuiteNorma]

So was anyone inside the house?

[Pepsimaxedout]

@Janpoppy

In relationships people do things to show their partner matters to them. This would include taking their concerns about safety seriously and treating their feelings as important.

Sorry to say but his attitude suggests he doesn't care about you.

This. Exactly this.

[ImTheOnlyUpsyOne]

Sounds like you're married to my husband. Terrible at locking and closing things. Cupboards, front door, back door, garage...

Many years ago when we were just dating, I noticed his mum my now MIL had a plaque in the kitchen that said:
If you open it, close it
If you unlock it, lock it
If you finish it, bin it
Etc

I thought it was lame ...but almost every other day I question If I need to buy one now. Very annoying