To be annoyed house was unlocked?

[Hettycan]

Just woke up to get water at 2am - go downstairs and automatically check front door is locked as I pass it as husband has many times before forgotten to lock it - it's unlocked and it's very slightly ajar. Go and check back door, that is also unlocked.

I check car keys are still there and nothing looks disturbed and go up to bed. My husband asks me what is going on as he's heard me opening and locking doors. I say in a hushed but annoyed voice you left both doors unlocked when you came up to bed (hours after I went to bed) - he just sighs and rolls over - I say someone could be in the house and he just lets out a mocking sigh like it's no big deal.

He genuinely thinks going to bed and forgetting to lock the house is no big deal, and I feel like it's a potentially dangerous fuck up - I am so annoyed, not about the mistake but about the blase attitude to it - he will clearly just do it again as to him it's "no big deal" so I'll add wake up and check doors are locked after he comes to bed to the mental load.

To reply to some questions....

He often goes for a run later into the evening, will go into the back garden to let dog out or check on Guinea pigs - all after iv gone to bed (I go to bed an hour after the baby goes down so I can cope with night feeds). So although I do check doors are locked when I go to bed he often needs to unlock them.

I mentioned the point about no insurance - he didn't even respond!

Self locking doors would solve the problem I'll look into that!

I mentioned the point about crazy murderers letting themselves in - which we know an extreme amount about due to his obsession with true crime murderers! Again he just signed.

No he's not a really irresponsible person generally but he will do things like leave the kids bikes on the front lawn over night, leave out tools, not lock his car - It's like he doesn't think criminals really exist!

Finally - the "nothing happened so it's no big deal people" that's exactly his attitude. Honestly for me it's not the leaving it unlocked, you are right nothing happened so no need to go crazy, if he just acted like he cared a little bit and thought "oh shit that could have been bad" for even just a second, so I felt reassured he would try really hard to not to do it again then I wouldn't be feeling this annoyed at all.

Also just to add - it's not a one off! I would say weekly the back door is left open - the front door less often but it's not unheard of.

His response when I said this happens a lot was first of all "not it doesn't it's happened one time" which is just BS and then he said "no one will break in through the back door" which is just ridiculous- it would involve hoping a few fences so probably less likely as less opportunistic but I'm sure it's not completely beyond the wit of a criminal....

The people who are blasé about not locking up at night must live in the middle of nowhere or in very low crime areas.

We live in a low crime area not a no crime area and always lock up. The default in our house is to keep doors locked anyway.

As has been pointed out, leaving doors unlocked invalidates your insurance.

My husband does this. He says he's locked it and hasn't. I'm alone most nights so I'm used to doing it but when he is home I go to bed before him and he smokes outside.

Do burglaries not exist in your world?

I live somewhere where people routinely go to go work and leave their doors unlocked - I even know people who go to work and leave their back doors wide open all day for their dogs to access the garden.

But I could never leave my house unlocked and go to bed or out for the day - not since my parents forgot to lock up and woke up to find burglars had been in the house while they slept and had stolen the car off the driveway!

Round here the most common burglary is car keys, and cars (obviously).

But you were still up! That's just unlucky, surely,

Burglars do exist in everyone’s world, there are 2 people in your house so just check things yourself, not difficult is it Just saying again everyone & everything was ok so why make such a fuss over absolutely nothing If & I say if something had happened, yes you have a reasonable stance but in this case I’m with your DH all the way, nothing happened

Well if you got burgled with doors unlocked it's unlikely your insurance company would payout so yes, it's kind of a big deal.

It's the fact that he didn't give a shit that would annoy me.

I'm aghast at people saying it's no big deal?

Genuinely where do you live that it's not a big deal?

We don't live in a bad neighbourhood particularly. But round here cars are stolen regularly. The thieves break into the houses to get the keys.

Thieves also walk around trying door handles. They WILL go into your home and take whatever they can get.

Leaving the door unlocked means your insurance isn't valid and you are leaving your home wide open for thieves.

How is this not a big deal?

Or he doesn't think and there is nothing else behind it?

Not worth mentioning? He asked what she was doing. What was she supposed to do? Lie?

My husband says stuff like let them try or I'll be waiting for them etc. I mean he can kill people with his hands (legally) but why go to those lengths 😂😂

Except he keeps doing this. That's not a mistake. It's stupidity, lack of care or contempt

I go to bed an hour after the baby goes down so I can cope with night feeds

Point out he needs to get on top of this before the baby is mobile!

If the front door is open and he turns his back...
Or the toddler gets up in the middle of the night and wanders...

Why are your doors open? I lock mine as soon as I have come in. Even if it is to let the cats in or out or go to the bins. It is locked as soon as I close the doors.

I would be annoyed at his attitude rather than a one off mistake. As someone else has said, your insurance for both home and potentially stolen car (hanoi burglary) could be invalid. I work with police and the advice out there is that you lock your door as soon as you get in. This would negate the whole doing it at bedtime thing as it would already be locked

Maybe just read all the OPs posts. She goes to bed early as she is feeding the baby in the night. He goes outside after she has gone to bed. Should she get back up and check the doors because he can't be bothered?

Get in the habit of both automatically locking the doors every time you come in. Then both double checking before bed.

If all your doors are locked, how would you get out quickly in a fire?
It isn’t at all practical for people with mobility problems.

Are you suggesting it's better to not lock the doors in case of a fire?

We have self locking doors that open from the inside without a key. Don't most people have Yale locks on their doors that don't need a key to get out?

We leave the keys hung up near the door. Easy to grab!

It's not venom, and it's not about the doors being left open for one night.

It's about his general attitude to the basic security of their home and themselves, and that leading to another thing that becomes her responsibility because her partner has shown himself repeatedly to be unable to be relied upon to lock (or even to shut) doors when he goes to bed.