To be annoyed house was unlocked?

[Hettycan]

Just woke up to get water at 2am - go downstairs and automatically check front door is locked as I pass it as husband has many times before forgotten to lock it - it's unlocked and it's very slightly ajar. Go and check back door, that is also unlocked.

I check car keys are still there and nothing looks disturbed and go up to bed. My husband asks me what is going on as he's heard me opening and locking doors. I say in a hushed but annoyed voice you left both doors unlocked when you came up to bed (hours after I went to bed) - he just sighs and rolls over - I say someone could be in the house and he just lets out a mocking sigh like it's no big deal.

He genuinely thinks going to bed and forgetting to lock the house is no big deal, and I feel like it's a potentially dangerous fuck up - I am so annoyed, not about the mistake but about the blase attitude to it - he will clearly just do it again as to him it's "no big deal" so I'll add wake up and check doors are locked after he comes to bed to the mental load.

So we have a front door which doesn't need a key to be locked or unlocked from the inside - so it's not a fire risk to lock it.

Back door you do need a key to lock and unlock, but key is always on the side next to the door (out of sight)

I do check doors are locked before I go to bed but this is currently hours before my husband, who will then often go for a run or let the dog out, check on other animals outside etc.

It absolutely is the "it's doesn't matter stop nagging me" attitude that is so annoying rather than just forgetting, because it makes me feel like he will just keep doing it - it makes me feel unsafe and belittled when he has this attitude. If he just at least acted like it was a fuck up and thought for a second about the bad things that could have happened it would help as I think he would then be less likely to continue forgetting.

Anyway when I spoke to him at work today his response was "the door wasn't ajar" - I said so you think I made that up? And he said "yeah" - honestly it's ridiculous!

So yeah - to all the people that say just lock up yourself that is probably what I will now do - set an alarm for around the time he goes to bed and go and check the doors myself and hope that alarm doesn't wake the baby and death by a tiny thousand cuts doesn't become our marriage reality, as someone else referenced.

This is kind of scary and kind of lovely. You are right it does depend on your local area and crime rates and also your personal anxiety about unlikely but possible bad things happening.

For me this ranges from the very possible in our area of someone trying the door, seeing it opens, grabbing the car keys and stealing the cars - for which we would then have no insurance - I drive a privately funded wheelchair accessible van which was very expansive and very much needed to get our disabled daughter around - the ramifications of that being stolen and no insurance would be dire!

But I also worry about the very unlikely things like a deranged axe murderer killing us all in our beds! I get that in our middle class south east suburb in the UK that is probably unlikely, but the point is I worry about it and if he cared about me wouldn't he just do this tiny thing to help me feel more safe and secure in my own home - even if he deems if totally unnecessary?

Sounds like my hubby he's done that too. I give up moaning and lock up when I go up.

Start watching true crime with him lol.
no seriously though i would hate this you’re not being unreasonable.
I’ve been laying on the sofa late at night and someone’s tried my door handle, thank god it was locked with just me and 3 kids in the house.

YANBU. It’s dangerous and invalidates your insurance. Forgetting once in while is forgivable, but if this is a regular thing he needs to give his head a wobble.

I don't think my back door or patio doors have been locked for about 3 years. I'm not even sure if there is a key for them.

Having been burgled whilst we were in bed I cannot understand anyone saying it's no big deal. We live in a very low crime area but there can be opportunists anywhere. They stole a car, some cash and cards, and the house keys so all locks had to be changed. They ran when our then 8 year old woke up and shouted out.
When the car was found it was in a workshop with several others that had been stolen at gun point. The police told us we were very lucky they ran as one of the (eventually convicted) culprits had previous for sexual assault and battery. The thought they'd been in the house whilst we were so vulnerable was awful.

I suppose it depends on where you live … we very rarely lock our doors at all, but if it bothered me, I’d just lock the door myself before I went to bed. Of course, if HE then opened and didn’t relocate it, that would be another story.

Why can't you lock the doors? Why is it his fault?

Get yale locks if you can't trust people to lock the doors after themselves but shouldn't be left unlocked until bedtime anyway.

I always forget to lock the car and double lock the front door so my partner always does the final check and if hes out or away he messages me to remind me. I am the breadwinner and primary parent in most aspects and so this is part of his contribution as for some reason my brain doesnt work for these things, even though I can do many other things well, just not that. It is a big deal for him though as he is very safety concious. So if you are talking to me, I would say you are unreasonable. If you were telling this story to my partner he would 100 percent agree with you. There is currently a big chexk list sign pinned to the wall at the bottom of the stairs of things i have to check before I go to bed if hes out. The doors and car being locked are the main ones. He wrote this as I asked him to when he was getting stressed that he would have to go away for a few days with work and disnt want to worry. I said write me a list to give you. piece of mind

DD’s partner always left the back garage door unlocked, much to her annoyance as they had a lot of stuff stored in there as they hadn’t long moved in. She’d nag, he’d make ‘no big deal noises’. Until one night she forgot her house keys and got home from work before him. Again he’d left the garage door unlocked so she let herself in, unboxed an ikea chair and a throw and settled in next to his prized e bike and motorbike.

scared the crap out of him when he got home, but he finally realised that his expensive toys could have gone and a he wasn’t locking doors wouldn’t have been insured.

My husband is very blasé but he fell asleep on the sofa with the front window open and woke up to a lad climbing over him with the car keys.

my friend had an open window last summer once and was broken into for car keys.

these are complete one offs so people are around looking for these opportunities.

I never lock my doors when im home. I honestly dont see the massive deal unless you live somewhere that you get broken into every other day 🤷🏼‍♀️

YANBU there are always posts on my local fb group about people trying front doors to see if they’re open and I don’t really live in a high crime area. The first thing a car thief will try the door just in case and it’s the same with houses. Even if there’s a very low risk of you getting burgled/murdered/whatever it’s a very easy thing to do to help prevent it. I said this in another thread but stand by it that not locking doors is such a man thing because they just don’t worry about rapists and murderers like women do

What? If you are locking them at bedtime, then they are unlocked during the day? When most people get burgled or have an intruder

Same in my house for years. I find it unbelievable a father can so easily leave his children so vulnerable. Thankfully my DC are old enough to whinge at him about it too and he does seem to be better at it.

How dramatic, how are the more vulnerable with a house unlocked during the day than at night, if everyone was that concerned about using one of the most overused words on the planet, if the children were so 'vulnerable' due to a door being unlocked shouldn''t it be locked all the time?

I cannot understand peoples blasé attitudes around safety. We had a composite front door in our old house and a very secure back door and some scruff tried to burn the lock out of the back door the day after we bought a new car! We got the door fixed, barricaded our bedroom door and left the car keys on the stairs every night after that. We live in a ‘safe’ area now and no way would I ever leave a door unlocked.

You are not being unreasonable, I would be pissed too. It doesn't sound like he will take it more seriously till your burgled in your sleep. Can you not lock up when you go to bed to make sure it's done?

At the end of the day opportunists are everywhere, don't invite them into your home with an open door.

Could you get the lock particularly on the front door changed to one that won't open from the outside? Obviously being locked would be better but at least it means someone can't just walk in of the street if it dies get forgotten

As soon as we're in of an evening I lock the door.
I have on occasion forgotten.

Are you for real? Opportunist burglars try door handles all the time.

My DH is like this. I came home to find the front door unlocked and him out. When I mentioned it he just sighed like I’m a nag, but I don’t want my house left unlocked. I don’t want him to go out and leave windows open. If we get burgled the insurance won’t pay out, and I’ll lose out because of him.

Im the opposite, I hate getting up in the morning to find my husband has gone to work and locked me in. I don't keep keys next to the door so it's a fire risk. He's even done it to guests when we stayed I the sofa bed in summerhouse and he locked our bloody guests in. They know even less where the keys are plus they're smokers so couldn't leave to go outside and smoke. Funnily enough they never repeated the visit.

The doors are locked, the key is in the lock.

Yes, someone could break the glass to put their hand in and turn the key, but they could break the glass anyway and step in.

It stops anyone just casually opening the door and stepping in.
If there are no signs of breaking in then insurance would be invalid.

I also check the paths to both doors are clear of trip hazards in case of fire and needing to stumble out through sooty air.

The key could alternatively be hung near the door but out of line of sight from anyone standing outside the door.