To be annoyed house was unlocked?

[Hettycan]

Just woke up to get water at 2am - go downstairs and automatically check front door is locked as I pass it as husband has many times before forgotten to lock it - it's unlocked and it's very slightly ajar. Go and check back door, that is also unlocked.

I check car keys are still there and nothing looks disturbed and go up to bed. My husband asks me what is going on as he's heard me opening and locking doors. I say in a hushed but annoyed voice you left both doors unlocked when you came up to bed (hours after I went to bed) - he just sighs and rolls over - I say someone could be in the house and he just lets out a mocking sigh like it's no big deal.

He genuinely thinks going to bed and forgetting to lock the house is no big deal, and I feel like it's a potentially dangerous fuck up - I am so annoyed, not about the mistake but about the blase attitude to it - he will clearly just do it again as to him it's "no big deal" so I'll add wake up and check doors are locked after he comes to bed to the mental load.

Our doors are always locked. We previously lived on an A class road and the consequences of a toddler getting out doesn't bear thinking about.

MIL is awful for leaving the door unlocked despite having been broken into twice when the house was locked. BIL lives abroad and when they arrive at MIL's they go straight to bed and make their jetlag even worse than it needs to be. One time when they had arrived, DH went up to PIL's but PIL had gone shopping and left BIL and his family sleeping. DH opened the front door wandered around and then left with no one being aware that he had been there.

Sorry, but I think thats a really harsh response. I’m assuming you’ve never been burgled? Had strangers in your home, whether you are there or not, stealing your things. Once you have, or it happens near you, it changes your perspective hugely. We were robbed once, after school while my children were home, I was still at work, they were teenagers and had left the back door unlocked after they came in and went upstairs. My home was violated. Someone came in and took my hard earned things and went through my home. It was violating and I was terrified that the children could have been hurt. Oh and by the way, we had/have a dog. He is a bloody noisy dog too.. it didn’t stop them. They just took stuff quickly and ran!

We live in a nice area but not that long ago we had a spate of burglaries along our street. (Different house to above) One was a lovely older man who was hit over the head during the robbery. Another was a couple who left their back door unlocked accidentally.

I don’t think it’s a joke or molly coddling to want to be safe in your home. It may be hard to believe, but the people that do this don’t give a shit about how upsetting it is, or how unsafe you feel after and rely on people being stupid enough to leave doors unlocked.

We are both really careful about doors now, as are the kids (now adults).

Next time move the car out of sight and hide the keys!

we’ve had a lot of Ring footage in our village of people trying car doors and house doors during the night so it’s isn’t as uncommon as people think.

Except it's not a one off. He's left the door unlocked several times. Your attitude is far too casual - would you like to wake up to a burglar in your bedroom or have your possessions stolen and you can't claim on insurance?
Stop makes excuses for incompetence and lack of care.

lol. This is a man who has never felt fear walking down the street.

he’s an absolute ass for not understanding or thinking it’s no big deal.

i don’t think you can do this work for him. He needs to learn and understand. Or go to a sketchy neighborhood and understand what women feel every day.

but jeez it’s just common courtesy. Lock doors before bed. Keep cock in pants when in public. literallly, they are on the same part of the crazy scale for me.

OMG! I actually do not remember getting up and posting this, though I know I must have done…..

Seriously though, I thought I was the only one !

it actually totally and utterly dements me as it puts me and my children at risk and is absolutely sheer laziness! You are right to be annoyed.

My OH does this often. Leaves lights on, door open etc. I have to check doors every night! Pretty exhausting.

Yeah, tell that to the many, many people who have woken to find their cars gone etc. Then there's the psychos who sneak into a house, find a little girl in a bed and take her to rape and murder. No effing thank you, doors locked every time!

What do you mean? A burglar would just open my with the handle and walk in if left unlocked.

Exactly. The thing is, when you phone the police to say your car has been stolen, there's no sign of forced entry and the keys are gone, is it going to be believed that you just left your door open?

I came home from a night out a couple of years ago (completely sober, I don’t drink) and when I opened the locked front door I noticed that the house was absolutely freezing. I walked through the living room and into the kitchen to find that the back door was lying wide open. We don’t have any street lights etc at the back of the house so it pitch black. I honestly thought we’d been robbed.

turns out my dh left the door ajar and the wind caught it. Horrible feeling tbh op.

@Bamboobzled as I said it depends. My front door directly faces the street and only opens from inside or with key.
It's a Georgian house.
I get that some doors have that handle on the front. Where I live it's pretty much unheard of though.

Oh for goodness sake chill what's done is done and no harm done. Just nake a mental note to make certain whicheverway that itvdoesnt matter afain. No big deal.

I’m not exaggerating, if my husband kept doing that I would leave him. No way would I sleep in a house with unlocked doors.

I live in a studenty area where they quite often leave doors unlocked and so people go around trying them all the time. At university when we were students we had a lecture from the police about keeping windows and doors locked at all times and were shown a video of someone climbing through a window and making off with the TV all in 10 seconds.

It does make me feel safer that people around are so lackadaisical though. No one’s property gets damaged by people breaking in as there’s always someone who leaves theirs open and is easier pickings. If it’s locked around here then you’re definitely safe from burglars.

@Hettycan says her dh leaves the back door unlocked at least once a week, and also leaves the front door unlocked sometimes too,@Julimia.

"Also just to add - it's not a one off! I would say weekly the back door is left open - the front door less often but it's not unheard of."

Why should she 'chill' about her house regularly being left insecure, so anyone could wander in?

But they didnt and surely its their house not just hers so move on and make sure it doesnt happen again.

How is she to 'make sure it doesn't happen again', @Julimia, when her idiot DH forgets to lock their back door at least once a week, and forgets to lock the front door sometimes too?

Why is it unreasonable of her to expect a grown man to remember to lock the door if he is the last person downstairs? Or do you think she should drag herself out of her warm bed, to make sure a man-child doesn't have to think for himself?

As a one off mistake, I wouldn't be annoyed. It happens, people forget stuff if tired/busy.
I went to work once and left the front door unlocked. Nothing happened (in fairness though, we live rurally so probably only sheep/cows about in the day time!).

Can you both get into the habit of locking it as soon as everyone is home for the night? I am usually last in at our house in the evening and often lock the door behind me.

On MN: Never answer a knock on your front door.

Also on MN: It's not big deal if your husband leaves the front door unlocked and ajar overnight.

My husband does this too.

But on this occasion they didn't. So be grateful for that , move on and come up with strategies to ensure it doesnt happen again.

What sort of strategies, exactly, @Julimia? Does her dh need strategies to remind him to wipe his own bottom too?

This man-child regularly forgets to lock up their house - and you want to make it @Hettycan‘s responsibility - he isn’t going to dream up any strategies for himself, so it will have to be up to her. Why can’t he grow the heck up and remember to lock the doors?

Team work? Having each others backs,? Accepting each others faults and flaws?
Playing baby house as to blaming... no.

Actually that's an excellent idea.

OP, there must be something you make a conscious effort not to do because it really winds your husband up. We all have something like that.

Get him to the point of compromise to save his own sanity

As I said, it will end up being the OP’s responsibility, @Julimia. He hasn’t managed to change his ways thus far - so what actual strategies would you suggest, to help the OP get her husband to take some responsibility?

And accepting someone’s faults and flaws is all well and good - but not when it means them leaving the home insecure, and making the people they live with feel unsafe. Over and over and over again.