To be annoyed house was unlocked?

[Hettycan]

Just woke up to get water at 2am - go downstairs and automatically check front door is locked as I pass it as husband has many times before forgotten to lock it - it's unlocked and it's very slightly ajar. Go and check back door, that is also unlocked.

I check car keys are still there and nothing looks disturbed and go up to bed. My husband asks me what is going on as he's heard me opening and locking doors. I say in a hushed but annoyed voice you left both doors unlocked when you came up to bed (hours after I went to bed) - he just sighs and rolls over - I say someone could be in the house and he just lets out a mocking sigh like it's no big deal.

He genuinely thinks going to bed and forgetting to lock the house is no big deal, and I feel like it's a potentially dangerous fuck up - I am so annoyed, not about the mistake but about the blase attitude to it - he will clearly just do it again as to him it's "no big deal" so I'll add wake up and check doors are locked after he comes to bed to the mental load.

Omg this! Every night he does it

Next time he does it, fake a burglary and hide something he values.

Is it a simple mistake if the DH has form for this despite OP raising issue it what sounds like multiple times?

Surely you either leave the key in the lock, or in a prearranged place so that keys can be easily accessed?

I've fallen asleep with my door unlocked before and for me it HAS been fine for me each time but I've always absolutely kicked myself afterwards.

I guess he's just thinking "What's the big deal? Nothing happened. Go to bed." So I don't think the middle of the night is the right time and place to discuss it, but yes. It should be seen as an important part of the routine.

Opinions on MN blow with the wind. Not too long ago a poster said her husband got angry because she forgot to lock doors and it was a bloody pile on. People telling her she was BU, losing her marbles, get tested for dementia. Man doing the same thing = not a problem, totally normal.

How long have you been married? Are you happy overall in the relationship? If no to second Q I would give him the chance to reflect. Sit him down and discuss why you need to feel 99% secure in your home to sleep at night. If he doesn't get it, as some have pointed out that men generally do not have the same level of threat against them, this indicates to me he has no empathy. I would insist on it being me locking the doors at night, but if he is out late and last to bed, I would tell him any losses are down to him and I would sleep in another room with a lock on it. I.e he has to sleep on his own those nights. He will either choose to improve or not and you may have your answer to Q2.

I’d get a locksmith to changer the door locks to the ones that are automatically locked from the outside when closed, but can be opened without a key from the inside (ie during fires etc). Would take away the need to lock up consciously every night.

As it stands, if the doors are not locked and if you were to have a burglary, you would NOT be covered by your insurance (it would be invalidated).

YANBU - He should definitely lock the doors!

Many years ago, we’d just moved house (lived there 6 wks) with 3yo and 1yo - DP forgot to lock up, we were burgled (on DPs birthday), they carried a rock into the house and made off with valuables and car keys, came back two days later to try to steal the car.
It was horrendous and I’ve never felt 100% safe since. Hated the idea of someone going through our things with my babies upstairs asleep. some things we lost we’re irreplaceable like photos on laptops, all was covered by insurance but that’s not the point. The police never caught them.

We also now keep the doors locked in the day too as there was an awful story about a woman and her DD being SA in their own home after DP went to work in the morning.

There are some awful people around - lock your doors yourself.

You are being ridiculous and over dramatic. Your in and upstairs why does it need to be locked. It's actually advised if your in not to lock them in case of fire as it restricts you getting out and can possibly be fatal. I think you need to stop being so controlling and see the much bigger picture.

No he shouldn't just do it. It in no way helps anybody including you just to molly coddle and support what is silly unnecessary behavior. You have a dog and are home, door bring unlocked does not invalidate your insurance, I've literally just rang the insurance company and checked that. You should never lock doors when in because of fire risks. The facts are a fire is more probably by far then an axe murderer. I know I wouldn't want to be locked in that's for sure.

Rubbish - there’s a burglary a month in my road at the moment and the advice from the Police is to ALWAYS have your doors locked from the outside when people are in the house (ie have yale locks that can be opened from the inside without a key, in the case of a fire etc). This is during the daytime as well as at night. We were told as most of the burglaries were via back doors/bifold doors, that these should also be locked even if you are in the garden and pop inside to the loo.

It also invalidates your insurance claim if lockable doors/windows are not locked.

It’s a horrible sign of the times that crime/theft is on the increase. Not helped by a reduction in the number of police officers on duty and the expectation that insurance will cover the financial aspect of costs. None of this helps if you are the person who encounters the thieves on the stairs when you are home alone with children (as I did last month).

Lock the doors.

keys either left right by the door or actually in the lock.

I would have gone apeshit, and I live in a quiet area. I had a lodger who didn't bother to lock the door if she didn't feel like it and it was a real issue because it would invalidate your insurance if someone burgled your house. I used to have to wait up until she'd come in and then check the door.

Some people just love a bit of drama. If it matters to you that much just lock the doors yourself.

Don’t be so stupid.

OP says the front door was also slightly ajar.
This would really worry me.
My front door is right where the public walk. Granted we are in a small village and it's more likely that if someone saw it was ajar late at night, they'd pull it shut (which then means no one can get in) rather than burgle us, but still.

You can get broken into no matter what area you live in.

I can’t believe how many people don’t think this is an issue and that you are being over the top. Living in nice quiet areas doesn’t make you exempt, in fact burglars travel to these areas as they know certain people think like this. Maybe they need to be burgled before they realise. I would be fuming, he needs to be more careful. Checking every door including my car door before bed is a routine.

I don't care if my car or handbag are stolen. Being murdered in bed I'd prefer to avoid.

The OP's husband seems like he doesn't care about her if he continues to cause her stress by not bothering to lock the doors at night. She shouldn't have to be on standby all night in case he's reopened them again after she's locked them.

I come from a house where it was common for the front door to be left open not just unlocked open whilst they have gone out!
My mum always says "we have neighbours, they will notice" which ignores the fact that our neighbours robbed us when I was a kid. I remember once me and my mum taking the dogs for a walk when I was writing up my PhD thesis. I threw a fit when she wasn't going to lock the door. My laptop with 4.5 years of research and about 60k words of my thesis was inside. She locked up but wasn't happy about the "inconvenience"

We lock up when we come in and have a chain too as my daughter figured out how to find the front door key on our keys put it in the lock and unlock the door aged 2! We then check all the locks before bed.

For me this ranges from the very possible in our area of someone trying the door, seeing it opens, grabbing the car keys and stealing the cars - for which we would then have no insurance - I drive a privately funded wheelchair accessible van which was very expansive and very much needed to get our disabled daughter around - the ramifications of that being stolen and no insurance would be dire!

Maybe you should take those keys to bed with you. You do risk someone waking you up for them though.

I was surprised at how many people.left their cars open and bank cards in the car around here until someone starting opening the doors and nicking them. Anyone who doesn't lock up is an idiot tbh. So many lowlifes do the easy option of trying doors for an easy walk in ans grab thefts.

Get the kicks changed for the ones that lock automatically. But when he's been locked out a few times he's going to put the snek on and you'll be back to square one.

'Not sausages' 😆😅🤣

You think it is 'no big deal' to leave both front and back doors unlocked, and the front door slightly open, @generalexpert? Where do you live - the 1920s?

@Hettycan - I do not blame you at all for being cross with your dh - maybe he was too sleepy to comprehend fully what a numpty he had been, and today, when he is more awake, he will understand your concerns.

Absolutely NOWHERE advises anyone to keep doors unlocked. Nowhere. In fact you're advised to keep doors locked at all times, when you're in or out to prevent people walking in for whatever reason.

People make the choice to put themselves and their possessions at risk and that's fine. People rang the police when KFC ran out of chicken. It's the same mentality. But also fine.