AIBU to ask - would you donate a kidney as a live donor?

[TransplantRequired]

I have name changed, but been around a while.

I have recently been told my kidneys are failing, and I need a transplant or dialysis. The consultant and nurse are strongly encouraging me to find a living donor, because for various reasons dialysis is not a long term prospect of success for me, and the deceased donor list could take 3 to 5 years on average.

I do not have any siblings, or close family. My parents and their siblings all dead, and I am not in contact with any cousins, nieces etc. So, the only thing would be to approach my friends. I’m not one for discussing my health, so none of my friends know I have anything wrong with me. Any request would come completely out of the blue.

I am not comfortable broaching this with them, and I wouldn’t expect any of them to do it. But the consultant and nurse were astonished by me saying this, and really don’t accept that I don’t know anyone I feel close enough to to approach.

So, if one of your friends (not family, I think that’s different) needed a kidney, and you were in good health, and a match, would you offer?

YABU - Of course I would, it’s what friends are for!
YANBU - No, that’s too much to ask a friend to do.

I think i would have when i was younger, healthier and didn't have my own dcs. I am nearly 50 now and in peri-meno and feel pretty old these days, I'm already worried about being fit and healthy fo my young dcs.
But if you'd asked me at 30 when i was fit and healthy i think i would have said yes, for a close friend, if it was genuinely their best chance of survival. However, those close friends would have also already told me about their illness. I think if you're private with your health and don't open up to your close friends then maybe they wouldn't feel as involved/close as you might hope.

I had a deceased donor kidney transplant 2 years ago. They do push trying to source your own kidney but I have minimal family and I didn’t ask any friends.

I was on dialysis for almost a year but how long you wait depends on lots of factors.

My immediate answer was yes, I would donate in a heartbeat, but seeing this response has made me think what if a member of my family then needed one and for some reason I was the only match, so yeah, selfishness wins I'm afraid.

I've heard of this too. I guess it works to get a better match and better chances of success.

I think this was the scheme I saw a programme about. I think you’d still need someone to donate a kidney to you, but they wouldn’t need to be a match.

https://www.odt.nhs.uk/living-donation/uk-living-kidney-sharing-scheme/

I would only do this for my children , husband or sister - sorry . That said I doubt they would take my organs due to all my diseases .

I think my children only (don’t have siblings)- I’d consider it for my most dear friend. I think if you have your own kids the risk is too great.

I think I’d mention to close friends though as if you were my close friend I’d want to know what you were going through.

it’s a very tough situation and I wish you all the best on the waiting list 💐

Only for my children or husband, I wouldn’t donate to a friend incase my child needed it.

I would, yes. Unfortunately I can't now as I myself will need a kidney transplant at some point due to a genetic condition.

Good luck in your search.

Yes I would. For someone I loved. Or as one of the swap schemes. Where you give to a stranger but your relative gets ones

I would for my child or sibling.

I might for specific friends, depending on certain circumstances.

I would for my best friend but she’s also my cousin and really more like a sister. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, OP, and hope you find a donor.

My body parts are reserved for if my children ever needed anything. My youngest DD has kidney problems so I wouldn't offer it to anyone else incase she needed it in the future.

Depends on the friend. I have one friend o definitely would do it first. Not sure about the others.

I volunteered to be an "altruistic donor", which is where you just donate your kidney to whoever needs one who you'd be matched up to. Took part in the screening, but unfortunately at the CT scan point my kidney anatomy means I'd be more complicated than they like to plumb into the recipient and they said they didn't want to take me further.

I've always given blood, I'm on the bone marrow registry, I'm signed up as an organ donor. If I'm healthy and it's not a very high risk thing then why wouldn't I offer to people who are suffering and need a kidney.

I'm not a total saint though - read about live partial liver donation and that's a much higher risk operation, I didn't ask to be screened to donate part of my liver. Though I would if say my sister needed one.

Definitely not, sorry. We knew a family from when my DC were at nursery. One of the parents was a live donor for his parent and VERY nearly died - ended up with kidney failure of his own and needed a transplant.

@givemushypeasachance thank you for your altruism.

I’m a widow and a parent so if something happened to me my kids would be orphans. So no I wouldn’t do this for anyone other than one of them.

Definitely not, only for my children. I wouldn't even do this for my partner.

FB marketplace ? Joking aside , I'm surprised that the consultant and nurse assumed friends would help. Family of course, friends seem such s long shot

Yeah, I would.

Well smash me with a bible ! Not even for your partner ?!

I would, in a heartbeat. However, I'm nearly 70 now with several long term health challenges so it's unlikely mine would be good enough. I've been signed up to the donor scheme for very many years and hope that when I'm gone someone can benefit

Haha! I agree. I’d think twice about lending someone my car, never mind donating a body part. Though I know I would feel guilty in reality if I lost a friend and could have possibly helped. It’s a tough one.

A bit off topic but aside from kidney and liver donation, there are a few other things you can do as a living donor beyond blood donation which most people know about. If you're having a hip replacement, or are giving birth, then there are opportunities to donate bone (the bit of your leg that's removed) or part of your placenta and cord blood. https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/become-a-living-donor/bone-and-amniotic-membrane-donation/