Keeping pension quiet?

[Seperateaccount]

DH and I are hitting pension age. We've been together 25 years, married for nearly 20 years and I've worked sporadically during that time. DH's job takes him abroad and I follow. I'd also paid 20 years of the 25 year mortgage on my own, before we paid it off a few years ago.

I've just become aware of a pension that I'm entitled to from my working days before I even met DH, something I'd completely forgotten about. It's not enough to live on every month but the 25% tax free amount would give me a nice nest egg and I can continue to build it with the pension .

DH will likely see the extra income as a reason to play golf/go on holiday/not worry about the future.

AIBU to set up bank accounts DH doesn't know about? I'm well aware that he's paid more in terms of day to day expenses over the last few years but I also know that I worked bloody hard for years (before we met), to pay for the majority of our house.

But you said yours isn’t enough to live on so if you’re not expecting to share his how will you manage financially?

Good result, glad you got it sorted.

Her own state pension maybe - she worked for 20 years and may have paid enough NI to qualify.

So you paid for the house
basically
keep it separate and keep very quiet
tbh
got caught out by a similar situation
and left with sweet FA

Tell him you have it but you’re not sharing it.

I think you have done the right thing OP.

Totally cool while you’re married. If you get divorced make sure you disclose it, but as it was earned before the marriage (depending on the country) it’s yours.

and yeah. Talk to him about his spending habits and your insecurity with the future (financially). Standard recommendation is to save 25-30% of take home. He needs to reel it in.

Your pension is not a matrimonial asset if you acquired the pension prior to marriage and all of the contributions were paid in prior to marriage. It is yours alone and is not subject to being shared (under Scots law) . Not sure where you are in UK but get legal advice to give you peace of mind.

My DH is also terrible for spending money. But I’m terrible for holding it back for a rainy day. He’s made me see that spending some of it on amazing holidays while we’re still young enough to enjoy them is worthwhile. But still.. we have an agreement that I’m in charge of the savings accounts and we have what I consider a comfortable amount saved. He has no idea how much we have in there because if he did it would be instantly spent!

YABU
Imagine if he did it to you.
How would you feel.

I wouldn’t. But me and my husband are very transparent about money and I can’t imagine hiding money from him or anything tbh.

You should absolutely set it safely aside for your own security. I have various savings pots, pensions etc. My partner has the loosest idea of what's what. He isn't a crazy spender at all but he is also not focused on the future (and our kids' future) in the way I am. I do it for both of us, but mainly for my own peace of mind. If my partner was also an idiot spender I would be even more careful. In fact, I probably couldn't cope with a uncontrolled spender!

Best compromise, op. He knows there are savings but can’t access them. Full transparency.

Yup, as most of the other posters say, keep it for yourself. Why add it to other funds that get spent on crap?

Yep, it's limited to £10k pa. She's not going to build up very much that way, especially given her age.

2 things-

1. Every woman should have a fuck off fund.
2. You are statistically likely to outlive your husband. You will likely therefore need more funds for your retirement. Do not let him scupper that for you.

I guess you’ve got a few options:

1. Keep it to yourself. I definitely wouldn’t judge you for that, especially as women have been at a financial disadvantage for most of history, and sometimes we need an emergency fund. The only downside is you’d have a secret between you.
2. Talk to him about his approach to money and how it differs from yours, maybe see a counsellor, and if he really hears you and changes and meets you in the middle, tell him about the pension.
3. Maybe openly tell him about it but explain that you want to keep it separate from your joint finances, as a rainy day fund.
4. Tell him and let him spend it.

I vote 1 or 2. Maybe 3 but depends on your relationship. I know you’ve got to have some fun in life but you earnt this before you met so it’s not exactly joint income, and given how things are in the world right now, the vast majority of people could do with more savings, and I don’t think you can trust him to keep it as that, or spend it sensibly when it is spent.

I think OP was talking about adding to the lump sum payout, not the pension income - she seemed to be saying she would add whatever income there was from the pension to it, to build up savings.

You definitely can't do that. Plus (tax free) pension contributions are limited to the lower of your annual income or £60k anyway.

She can just put it in some other savings vehicle.

Oh, I think I see what you mean. No, that's not how it reads to me.

It doesn't matter though, she's clearly not got much idea how pensions work, having "just discovered" one in her sixties.

OMG it's nothing about females and males. It's just about spendthrifts v savers.

It's a joke some of the comments about getting DH to rein in his spending. You can't make an adult be sensible with money.

He will be grateful they have that nest egg if things go tits up further down the line and he's spent all of his money.

I’m with @determinedtomakethiswork keep it quiet, have it as your security blanket. I live with a spender (I’m a saver) and it’s tiring. But here we are….

I think not telling him is incredibly unfair. Although everyone’s attitude to marriage is different, I feel that when you marry you share all you have.
I understand your concerns though and would tell him but lay ground rules on what the money can and cannot be used for, and you could always keep it in your name and stop him from accessing it. It may well bite you in the bottom as it will probably come up in the future.
If the boot were on the other foot, how would you feel if he didn’t tell you?

Until your husband gives you full access to financial details and while he remains a spend thrift, I would save your pension away in a bank account in your name only. (Tell your accountant, obviously.)
You have been married for five years and before that you earnt the right to that pension. Over the next ten years your savings will grow and you will pat yourself on the back.
Unlike gambling, it will be a positive secret to counter a spend thrift husband.

If you separate will you keep most of the house?

Late to the party but yeah this was going to be my suggestion.

My DH is great but a bit of a sieve with money. To be fair he physically pays all of the bills and we both can piss away money like drunken sailors on shore leave. So my bonus each year gets tucked into a separate savings account with his full knowledge. Then we discuss what that is used for ahemTravelcough and I buy a fancy pair of shoes once a year from that money.

It works… there’s no hiding… and we have the savings that I’m comfortable with.