Upset about drinking at baby's bday

[nc20241]

NC as may be outing.

I had a bday party at home for my little one, invite was for a few hours into the afternoon/evening. Some games/bouncy castle/food/soft drinks planned- nothing major.

Invited family members and some of my friends and their children,
Not a huge amount of people.

Some of my friends seemed to seize the opportunity for a "piss up". I usually have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge/maybe some spirits in the house (I'm not a huge drinker anymore!)... these were all drank (fine)... however I was shocked to see the girls go out and turn up with arm fulls of wine and several more bottles of gin...

I was then told and not asked "alright if we stop over isn't it?". I felt so awkward like I was put on the spot.

I was expecting the party to end around the time I specified on the invitation... my little one was tired and I wanted to get them off to bed and then clean up... instead I had my "friends" getting pissed downstairs and their kids running wild all over my house.

I had older family members there and my in laws and I think they were a little shocked and it didn't give off a good impression at all with drunk people crashed all over my sofas (my fil had popped back as forgot his glasses so saw this as well!).

I know I should have had a backbone but AIBU to be upset? I didn't even drink myself I had one glass of wine, so I'm not sure how anyone got the impression that I was up for or okay with that.

@Calliopespa thanks, sorry wasn't clear which you meant. Your not wrong.

Get a grip or get new friends.

How can you be taken off guard?
At any point after 7pm you could have asked them to leave. Act as though you are rounding them up and herd them out saying “Off you go. We’re off to bed. Come on. See you. Bye.”

You can’t be caught off guard overnight 😂

I think it's a bit crappy that your husband didn't say anything either. Just because they are your friends doesn't give him the right to place ALL the blame on you!! It was his child's party also and he is aware you are ND. He knows you therefore, maybe, taking the lead may have helped you be a bit more assertive.
You really need new friends.
I've never been to a child's party were it turns into a piss up, they've clearly taken advantage of your situation and maybe knew they could get away with it- in a sense!

I am not sure why you are blaming yourself. Your friends put you on the spot and it was totally their fault. The most important person in this is you not your OH or their parents. Don't be tough on yourself.

Your 'friends' behaviour was more than questionable, they should be ashamed of themselves.

Look babies Dad and I have had a long discussion about it now, he's not angry at me. He said I could have been more assertive but he could have given me a hand with that, he just felt awkward because they are my friends and felt my place to do it.

He gets that I was put on the spot and taken aback, as was he. But at the end of the day now he's over the initial anger that our child's party was hijacked- he doesn't blame me because if they hadn't behaved in such a way in the first place I wouldn't have been in that position.

He does say I am a walkover and I need to get some new friends. I've assured him that these friends will now be put at a distance permanently. He's reminded me of times where I have lent money (never repaid)/ given my time/ favours/ help etc and been treated poorly by one person in particular (the main instigator).

I've apologised to my partner and told him that if this was his friends I would be very upset so I understand his position too, thankfully he's supporting me now.

On a side note I guess I've found this especially tough as I had an extremely difficult pregnancy and first few months of my little ones life due to health problems so I felt that there wasn't the celebrations and excitement there normally is for a few baby. So I was trying to make the first birthday as special as I could and wanted it to be a lovely memory.

Partner was also upset because he'd been at work all day (couldn't have the day off but was able to leave a little earlier), and wanted to spend time just as us with a family after the party and play with our little one. However that didn't happen due to the pisshead overstayers.

I know it's just a day though and I'm going to try and do something special and just for us this week as suggested by a pp, thank you for the lovely idea x

”GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!”

Are you positive these are your friends?

It's not "just a day".. it's very important to you and your "friends" ruined that for you. However, it is a very good idea to do something different for your family.

I've already clarified it isn't a regular thing.

The only time I've ever had friends round for drinks was my 30th birthday which was many years ago and no one stopped over. It wasn't even in the house I live in now.

You won’t forget this,and you learn from it. Move forward prioritise your family. Sort things with your partner. Be honest that you were overwhelmed and didn’t speak up. However on reflection you’ve learned and you’ll be more adept at managing mishaps in future. In time when it’s not so touchy it will pass into a funny story

I'm also not a "no hoper" and my partner knows this, he also knows that I don't have people round my house drinking 

We don't live together atm for work related reasons on his end, I've got a professional job, I work full-time, look after my children who are all raised well. My partner certainly doesn't think I'm a no-hoper because some of my friends have behaved badly.

Even though we don't live together atm we spend as much time as possible together and speak/FaceTime the evenings we aren't so he can see our little one.
I go to work every day he knows I'm not over at mine getting sloshed every evening or allowing people to be drunk round my house...

Absolutely ridiculous post tbh. If any of what you've said it's true I wouldn't have even made this post as I wouldn't have been so upset or bothered.

OP, stop defending yourself against posters who are just trying to get a rise out of you. I agree with your DP that you should distance yourself - it sounds like these so-called friends are exploiting you. That's not friendship.

Were you drinking when you wrote this post?

Don't invite them next time

I agree, I think it’s incredibly difficult when you assume a level of decency from
people and they just take the piss. I would think people wouldn’t need to be told to not get battered etc and so if I was put in a situation like that I would find it really hard to manage. Sorry OP, don’t beat yourself up, you can’t go back in time, and YANBU to be upset at your piss taking friends

Sounds like your the pissed one .

Ohh, I feel for you OP. Sounds like you're really stuck in the middle of this!
I don't think you were naive, you couldn't have predicted your friends would act this way out of the blue. They're in charge of their own behaviour and they each chose to take their children to a birthday party and act inappropriately in front of them. They should be ashamed, I think a lot of comments to you are being overly harsh.

Have you spoken to your friends since though? I feel like you ought to address their behaviour and put your foot down now about your boundaries and what is / isn't acceptable in your home, and around your child. Then there's no misunderstandings in future and helps you to say no!

So your three friends AND their children all stayed over? Or at some point did your friends send their children home unattended whilst they got drunk and stayed on your couch?
Something there isn’t really adding up.

I see what you’re saying about “I don’t think I could have foreseen this?” But have you never met your friends before? You must know what they’re like! I don’t believe that this behaviour was completely out of character for them. It would be very bizzare if they were normally very chill and respectful, but then suddenly they go and do this.

definitely wouldn’t be inviting them again!

Also, I do agree OP that a 7pm finish was way too late. I've not been to a child's birthday that's gone beyond about 3pm I don't think!
And I get why your friends maybe got the wrong impression if they saw you with a glass of wine. They probably assumed it was extending into an evening event for the grown ups at that sort of time!
You live and you learn though 🤷🏼‍♀️ none of us are perfect!!

Glad your partner has calmed down and is supporting you. Your 'friends' were completely in the wrong and took advantage of you not being forceful enough. I don't think you could have foreseen them behaving like this. If you have another party at home you will be more prepared to deal with cheeky guests (hide the booze at least)

WTF? You said you invited friends and their children around? Who looked after their children when they were too drunk to go home?

You really need to get a grip on your parenting.

If you're not up to managing "your friends" - you need to make sure they're not around when it's children's activity time.

They show you absolutely no respect. Or to your family. Who also didn't speak up on your behalf.

Steep learning curve - but find suitable friends. These are not suitable friends.

There are certain parents, where you don't want your kids in their home. They all come under the category of irresponsible parents. Usually with drink, drug or gambling problems or hooking up with unsuitable multiple partners, who have these problems. But generally parents, who can't make wise choices when it comes to looking after children.

Hopefully your friends will recede from your future, and focus on getting to know the parents of children in mum and toddler groups and parents of children your child makes friends with at school.

But your friends are a huge red flag for other parents.

This thread is like victim blaming, wtf! Because she had a small glass of wine it’s her fault, people are really cruel, in fact the way people are speaking to op in this thread is rude behaviour too!
op I hate confrontation and struggle when I get out on the spot too, I’m also nd, yeah we need to learn to be more assertive but it’s your friends who are at fault here