To just get so fucking irritated by Husband every weekend

[irritationstation]

He gets up late, fine.

Then mopes around in his dressing gown. Making mess.

Then complains about mess. Then goes upstairs for ages. Always retreating from me and the kids.

I said today we have to leave by 11. I told him at 9. He went upstairs at 9:30 and came back down at 10:45. In a massive mood. I've been up since 6 am ( also had lovely night wakings from 2 year old at 3 am and then I was up with both kids before 6 am).

I had cleaned and tidied all of downstairs while also looking after DC (2 and 4).

I then have to try and get myself and the two DC ready in 15 minutes. I threw DC 2 clothes at H after having picked it out and ask him to dress him. He does it but again, huge grump. Just looks so sad / angry / exasperated.

I help get DC4 ready quickly. Get ready myself very fast. Hair looks shit, I look shit, as I've had no time again.

I put both kids in the car on my own while H is doing other stuff, like taking a hundred years to put his shoes on / smoke.

Finally gets into the car. Not a work. Just grump. All the way to where we are going. I try to start a couple of conversations, he doesn't really respond. I ask what's wrong. Nothing. I then get frustrated.

Anyway eventually it's ok and we buy whatever we needed to buy. Go for lunch and then head back home.

We've been home for a few hours and he's retreated upstairs again. Not a word.

It's this shit on repeat. He clearly didn't want to go out. He never wants to do anything. He's so grumpy. I try to talk to him. Tell him I'm concerned etc, is he ok ? He snaps and doesn't want to talk.

I am so sick of the sight of him. He just comes in and out when he wants. I'm so tired from having had a few bad nights with my 2 year old. I could sleep now. I'm stuck. I hate how grumpy he is.

Leave him.

This sounds like a nightmare to live with.
Do you think he is depressed?

Point out that every other weekend the kids will be his alone to entertain if he doesn’t show wiling to actually be a parent and a husband.
can you have a trail run tomorrow and just go out for the day on your own ?

He's always been pretty grumpy tbh. He could be depressed. I've been asking him to get help for years. He thinks it's all bollocks and won't do it.

Where was it that you were going, that you had to leave at 11am.

did everyone actually have to go ?

Have you spoken to him about this? Is there a reason, mental health, lifestyle too much, needing some time for himself etc.
You cant just accept this behaviour week in week out tell him how it makes you feel.

Stop subjecting yourself and your DC to him being an absent parent and partner.

Why make him go if he doesn’t want to?

Spell it out to him that if he doesn’t seek help and nothing changes your marriage won’t survive this. This is no way to live.

What a nightmare. Does he just not give a shit about any of you? Because that's what it sounds like. What's he doing upstairs, would be my question.

I don't make him do anything.

A few weeks ago after months and months of every single weekend indoors, unless I packed up the kids and went out on my own, in the hope that he would get the rest and recuperation he needs - and be less grumpy ( it didn't make any difference by the way ). We decided we needed to do more stuff together as a family.

Watching TV in peace.

He clearly didn't want to go out.

I was going to ask this. Did he not want to go? Did he have to go?

Couldn’t you have left him home with the kids and gone to do whatever it was without him?

I'd just go out on my own. If he doesn't want to come after 3 months of this then I'd leave. If he doesn't want to engage in family life he's already checked out anyway so what's the point of him exactly?

I was also going to ask if he's depressed but if he thinks that's BS tell him he can't have it both ways. Either he needs help and seeks help or theres nothing wrong with him and he can F off. I know he easier said than done.

Like I said, we have decided we need to get out more. We sat down this morning and decided what we were going to do today and both agreed.

I am fucking sick of being home every single fucking weekend. It's also not good for the children. He doesn't like going out and wants to come straight back home as quickly as possible. Then goes off on his own.

But we decided we needed to make a change and get out at least once at the weekend together.

You need to decide that you're done being, in effect, a single parent. He's checking out. It must be so shit for you.

Don't mean to be harsh, but what's the point of him? If he's not participating in family life and doing what's required of him, I can't see much reason to be together.

As it stands you're not only parenting alone, but it's worse. You have the resentment from this horrible selfish man on top to deal with.

Yup, kids are hard. At those ages, there's a million things any sane adult would rather be doing than spending time with them. They are boring. But. Tough. You both had them. You both put the effort in to looking after them.

Have a serious think op, about how your life would look if you divorced. From experience, the sooner the better.

Honestly op. Have you thought about how much nicer life would be without him?

It sounds like you have decided it would be nicer for the children if you go out more.
But what you seem to have detailed is shopping and then out for lunch?
Where's the fun there for a toddler and a 4 year old?

If you don't want to divorce, then as your husband has made it clear he has no interest in spending time as a family, then simply take it in turns taking thr dc out to something they would actually enjoy, park/soft play, whilst the other parent does something they would enjoy.

"We decided"? It doesn't sound as though he was ever on board. He doesn't seem to like parenting, married life, you or his children.

Is the marriage really worth persevering with?

Do you decide in advance of what you are doing at the weekend? Or do you decide on the morning of?

Sorry, that sounds totally crap.

Well you don't know what kind of shopping we did. It might have been for toys. Please remove your judgement. I think it's important for them to be out with us anyway, even if it's not always a soft play or a park, they get to see different stuff and different people. You can't keep kids in the house all the time and only take them out when it's to soft play.

In any case, today, part of the trip ( most part ) was about them.

Yet another man who extracts himself and thinks his family revolve around him. The resentment must be massive OP.