To just get so fucking irritated by Husband every weekend

[irritationstation]

He gets up late, fine.

Then mopes around in his dressing gown. Making mess.

Then complains about mess. Then goes upstairs for ages. Always retreating from me and the kids.

I said today we have to leave by 11. I told him at 9. He went upstairs at 9:30 and came back down at 10:45. In a massive mood. I've been up since 6 am ( also had lovely night wakings from 2 year old at 3 am and then I was up with both kids before 6 am).

I had cleaned and tidied all of downstairs while also looking after DC (2 and 4).

I then have to try and get myself and the two DC ready in 15 minutes. I threw DC 2 clothes at H after having picked it out and ask him to dress him. He does it but again, huge grump. Just looks so sad / angry / exasperated.

I help get DC4 ready quickly. Get ready myself very fast. Hair looks shit, I look shit, as I've had no time again.

I put both kids in the car on my own while H is doing other stuff, like taking a hundred years to put his shoes on / smoke.

Finally gets into the car. Not a work. Just grump. All the way to where we are going. I try to start a couple of conversations, he doesn't really respond. I ask what's wrong. Nothing. I then get frustrated.

Anyway eventually it's ok and we buy whatever we needed to buy. Go for lunch and then head back home.

We've been home for a few hours and he's retreated upstairs again. Not a word.

It's this shit on repeat. He clearly didn't want to go out. He never wants to do anything. He's so grumpy. I try to talk to him. Tell him I'm concerned etc, is he ok ? He snaps and doesn't want to talk.

I am so sick of the sight of him. He just comes in and out when he wants. I'm so tired from having had a few bad nights with my 2 year old. I could sleep now. I'm stuck. I hate how grumpy he is.

Open the bedroom door. Shove all the DCs in. Close the door. Run downstairs, grab coat and bag. Get into the car. Leave. Don't come back for ages.

Or make plans tonspend a weekend from Friday night to Sunday night in some hotel. Don't tell him your plans. Don't leave instructions. Don't prepare food or buy food in. He sinks or swims.

Op. Does he smoke weed?

Well he sounds like a useless twat and you'd be better off without him

I would hate this. Its not normal and although he may be depressed, you can't be running around whilst he just lolls. Also just waiting for him all.of.the.time would drive me nuts.

Is there other stuff going on at the weekend? Ie children's sport classes etc that he can have a routine to take them so you can have some down time?

It sounds like he’s mentally checked out of the marriage/family life. Sorry OP. You absolutely deserve better, as do your precious children.

I don’t understand this comment, you can’t possibly think this man is in any way representative of men? I for one certainly don’t know anyone who behaves like this, does every man uou know sit in his room alone all day and get grumpy if he goes out? That’s not remotely normal, irrelevant of gender.

anyway op, weird posts aside, have you talked to him about the fact he sits up there alone watching tv.What coes he say, does he think it’s normal or acceptable?

This reminds me of my friend’s DH who spent the whole weekend engaging in house projects & DIY as a handy excuse for opting out of family life. It was genius because he could look like he was being helpful while his poor wife was constantly wrangling the kids. But your DH doesn’t even try to appear useful OP! This would honestly drive me mad. Life is short, don’t waste your life with someone that can’t be bothered.

I don't think you're asking for too much. I think his behaviour is unacceptable and it's not about the time you left the house or why did you make him go or leave the kids at home and so on it's about you are a family and you want and both agreed to do stuff as a family. Even if that's just popping out to get some bits or lunch. The point you're making is you want more from him and this is perfectly reasonable. In addition I don't agree with this going up all the time to spend time on his own it's selfish behaviour but there's no judgement because we don't know why he is doing this but probably with a convo where he understands you're hurt and need more, should trigger a response, if it doesn't then sometimes that's an answer in itself. Really hope he comes to his senses !! I'm sure he will op. X

I find it baffling on these threads that people suggest that an OP basically structure her life around doing things without her husband and chide her for expecting him to be involved sometimes.

It’s not unreasonable for a family to sometimes do things together.

What is the point of being legally bound to someone and living with them when you are like ships that pass in the night. There is no point to this man whatsoever. It’s inconceivable that leaving him would be worse than staying with him.

No. A father of two small children does not get to mope around in his fucking dressing gown, disappearing and doing nothing except please himself.

Who the fuck does he think he is? He’s a failure. That’s what.

Please kick him out.

I don’t understand this comment, you can’t possibly think this man is in any way representative of men? I for one certainly don’t know anyone who behaves like this, does every man uou know sit in his room alone all day and get grumpy if he goes out? That’s not remotely normal, irrelevant of gender.

No but a lot of men do behave like this and trying to pretend sex has nothing to do with it is misleading. As I am sure you know.

I’ve never met a woman in my life who has behaved like this. This isn’t tolerated in women.

Totally agree. I hate all the 'cool girl' crap.

I went down this route with my H and just shouldered it all.

Culminated in 15 year old daughter telling me she could not stand to be around her grumpy, shouty, disinterested father and that he was the cause of her long time anxiety.

I felt so ashamed for role modelling that crap to my daughters and putting them through living with him.

Just offering a personal insight.

I think you need to talk again. When we agreed we needed to go out on the weekend, I didn’t realise you meant you would be a fucking grumpy git who makes the day miserable and does fuck all to get ready and looks at me like you hate me when I ask you to do one single thing. I think maybe WE should cancel this WE plan now WE know you’re not on board and I think about life alone with my kids and no grumpy bastard.

Fuck that. My exh was lilike this. After 9 years I left. Now my life is hard but, so much more joyful. He will not change. Set him free!!!!!

Has his depression started after committing himself to a family?

Exactly, life is short.
That's why I "opted out" of family life (whatever that means) and remained child free.
He would be better off single.

Okay, he’s always been grumpy and spends his time lazing around and watching TV. He doesn’t do anything with you or the kids. Did he used to be different? Was he more interested and engaged in the past? Did he actively want marriage and children, or is he just a passenger along for the ride?

It kind of sounds like he was never husband and father material in the first place. If that’s the case it actually makes things easier though because he will never change and there is no point in issuing ultimatums. It’s just a matter of divorcing him and having a new, better life without him darkening it.

Is there any drinking /drugs at play?

I feel really sorry for him and can’t believe how many people are talking negatively.
Perhaps he senses how you don’t like him? Perhaps you’re both just making each other unhappy.
What makes you stay?

Can't believe all the people saying you should have planned the day better 🙄 like that's the issue.

My husbands not a lazy selfish prick- whether I plan a weekend well or not, he's there with a good attitude and doing his share with the kids, making the best of whatever is going on.

That's what a partnership is- not showing up when things are exactly to your liking.

Can you go out for the day / night / weekend? Leave him to sort the kids and then realise what you do?

What’s to like about him though? This kind of behaviour is deliberate. He can’t be wondering why OP doesn’t like him, because he doesn’t care what she thinks.

This is quite common behaviour. Unfortunately there's more than a few men who really don't like family life, especially when the DC are young and hard work. The decent ones plod on regardless, but far too many act like yours and pretty much give up on it unless forced. If you asked him, I dare he is depressed by his life and responsibilities, but that's rather unfortunate now its a done deal. If I were you I'd be issuing an ultimatum. But be prepared he'll take you up on it and see it as his chance to escape.

Based on personal observation, many men only agree to have kids because their partners want them, come to regret giving in, and hate family life. That may be the case with your husband and, if so, separation might be best.

If you were going out why did you not get yourself ready before starting the cleaning and tidying @irritationstation? Obvs not meaning that cleaning is only your responsibility.