Nephew is ruining holiday

[Meltdowmahem]

NC for this

we’re on a trip or a lifetime. Meant to be the happiest place in the world but DN is ruining it for everyone.

meltdown after meltdown. Mainly about what to wear, what to eat, doesn’t want to wear suncream, cries and screams for an hour, finally agrees to put suncream on and then immediately run into the pool, gets burnt badly on shoulders, then screams and shouts about how awful the sunburn is.

constantly moans that cousins/siblings are getting more (they aren’t)

now we have an event that only DN can do due to age, but it requires them to wear a wetsuit, which they’re now wailing about, as if the rules will suddenly be changed due to their behaviour

I’m finding myself getting more and more frustrated, and fear I’ll just explode in a fit of anger and end up saying something I might later regret (not regret but for the sake of family harmony I should just keep my mouth shut)

DN has been a nightmare for years so to a certain extent I knew it would be potentially an issue but it’s just way worse than I anticipated.

any tips for keeping sane 😂😂

Poor kid. Family holidays are hard work at the best of time, and Florida is so so so intense. I'm NT and was 12 the first time I went and still found the heat etc a real struggle.

Not easy for your sister either, parenting the only child causing issues, probably aware of judgement among the adults and no partner to turn to either.

Difficult for everyone.

Absolutely do carve out some time for your own family, but be aware of your privilege in doing so, and try react with sympathy rather than judgement.

Sounds like possible ASD. I have ASD kids. One is very challenging. Often it turns out they understand a lot, lot, lot less than you think and they are suffering with anxiety and stress. I know it's hard going but it's hard going for them and they're just a child. New environments, lots of people and holidays are a disaster. I had to leave our holiday last year after 48 hrs and take DS home on my own and let the others try to have a holiday. It's hard on everyone. Once DS was home and in his familiar environment all the behaviours stopped instantly.
I hope things get better.

Are DNs parents there? If not contact them and get them to talk to him. If that doesn't work and it's just you, you need a really firm discussion with him about his behaviour and consequences.

Don't do this

Yup...sounds like my asd daughter. Constant screaming shouting moaning and groaning about everything 😭. @Meltdowmahem you should avoid them like people do to us. I would avoid her if I could 😭. It's soul destoying

OP said herself he is suspected ND

And for behaviour this extreme with continuous meltdowns etc etc it is VERY likely that there is some neurodivergence going on. Neurotypical kids are easy to parent. If mum could sort out this behaviour, which sounds bloody exhausting for her by ‘setting a few boundaries’ or whatever then she would have already! Trust me, 99.9% of the time parents of these children have already tried everything. The usual methods just Do. Not. Work.

Take your children off and do your own thing. They have a right to have fun without monster cousin spoiling their fun.

@femfemlicious I wish people would avoid us more, we decline most invitations so as not to have to deal with all the judging, I feel for you!

Are you in Florida? It can be very overwhelming with the heat and so much sensory input, it’s a lot for anyone who is neurotypical. For a
Young child with ND sometimes the only way to communicate overwhelm is with a meltdown especially when usual routines are out of the window.

Possibly not all the behaviourbut it probably doesn’t help, it’s another layer of noise and a different environment.

I think anyone with twins deserves a free pass from 'helping out' with other people's children, especially on holiday.

Suspicions are one thing. However, bad parenting due to possible ND behaviour is something else.
ND behaviour doesn’t excuse bad parenting.

Wow, some of the “advice” given here has reminded me why the SN board had to be hidden…

*respite

Yes but most of time parenting tools and strategies that work effortlessly with NT kids like ‘firm boundaries and clear rules’ etc really don’t do anything to improve this kind of behaviour in neurodivergent kids. It’s a completely different ballgame and a million times harder. It’s also why it’s very difficult to judge whether a parent of a ND kid is actually ‘parenting poorly’ when this kind of behaviour is happening. Chances are they are not.

Thank you. Noted x

Stop with the "privilege" nonsense though. This is an expensive holiday OP has paid for to relax and enjoy herself with 6 year old twins which can be hard work in itself even if they behave impeccably. It is not incumbent on OP to have to help with DN or indeed put up with his behaviour when her DS isn't taking steps to correct his behaviour or make his life easier by taking him away from situations he is seemingly unable to cope with whether NT or ND. More sympathy if the latter other than the fact his parents are avoiding getting a diagnosis and therefore help in how to cope.

Her sister isn't having to cope alone. She has her mother helping. It is not OP's duty therefore to make allowances or take on the care of the DN to the detriment of her family and their holiday.

Perhaps the first step to not being bad parenting is to get a diagnosis rather than avoiding getting one. That would help because then they would knkw and could work out suitable strategies

Suspicions is one thing. An actual diagnosis is something else. Many children show symptoms of neurodivergence. It doesn’t mean that they are autistic.

You’ve said there is a strong possibility of ND, and everything you’ve listed certainly supports that. Sounds like he has huge sensory issues, combined with being somewhere very busy, new and overwhelming.

Perhaps do some research on how to support ND children in these situations. Has your sister done any preparation with him? Is she making sure he has breaks somewhere quiet to help him regulate?

RRFT His mum is there and grandparents.

They are lucky to be able to take a break from the struggling child though. It all sounds very difficult for the sister. It's not on OP to fix that, but a bit of emotional generosity and sympathy will go a long way.

Can the "respite" police fuck off.
The lady made a mistake. Jeeezzzzz

They may well be in the process of trying to obtain a diagnosis 🤷‍♀️ Given he is masking at school it could have been difficult to have schools support to go on the pathway. Then once on the pathway it’s a wait of around 3-5 years to see a paediatrician and get assessed.

Which it sounds like she has already been doing by even carrying on being around them. Time to step away and ensure her kids get the holiday they deserve rather than having their cousin ruin it for them. They can do separate things and meet for breakfast and dinner and still all have a holiday that suits everyone with her family having fun and DN being less overwhelmed and less likely to complain about her twins.