Nephew is ruining holiday

[Meltdowmahem]

NC for this

we’re on a trip or a lifetime. Meant to be the happiest place in the world but DN is ruining it for everyone.

meltdown after meltdown. Mainly about what to wear, what to eat, doesn’t want to wear suncream, cries and screams for an hour, finally agrees to put suncream on and then immediately run into the pool, gets burnt badly on shoulders, then screams and shouts about how awful the sunburn is.

constantly moans that cousins/siblings are getting more (they aren’t)

now we have an event that only DN can do due to age, but it requires them to wear a wetsuit, which they’re now wailing about, as if the rules will suddenly be changed due to their behaviour

I’m finding myself getting more and more frustrated, and fear I’ll just explode in a fit of anger and end up saying something I might later regret (not regret but for the sake of family harmony I should just keep my mouth shut)

DN has been a nightmare for years so to a certain extent I knew it would be potentially an issue but it’s just way worse than I anticipated.

any tips for keeping sane 😂😂

I reckon that's what is most frustrating for OP.

We can all cope with kids and their meltdowns. It's the adults who are supposed to address and contain it failing to do so that infuriates.

OP, be plain with DN's parents. They are ruining it for everyone by failing to deal.

Never go on holiday with them again. For the sake of his parents, who I can guarantee are having a hard enough time without relatives judging and making “helpful” suggestions.

Discovery Cove is incredibly strict so you may find when dealing with the fact they will just expect him to put it on he might be ok

are you in a villa with just one car because splitting up makes sense - we get on well as a family but we still split up for disbey

I’m embarrassed to say, this sounds a lot like my son when we went away when he was 2 and a half. Slightly out of character for him, but he was such a moany bum one particular holiday. However, I made sure that my little family planned time away/went out for dinner separately so it didn’t impact the other families we were with. I would definitely need some rest-bite away from kids that weren’t my own kicking off and so I was very mindful that I needed to consider others around me. Hope it improves OP.

So a child who you knew wasn't having their needs met in day to day life is then catapulted into a strange loud, sensory overloaded environment?

I don't see how anyone expected different? That poor child needs support and instead is being expected to do what? Mask 24/7?

Is he an only child? I think it can sometimes be hard for onlies when they are thrust head first into an extended family life experience like a holiday, when they suddenly realise that they aren’t always the centre of attention, that other people, other children especially, have voices, choices and opinions, that they need to share time, resources, the tv remote etc etc .

If as you say he is also possibly ND then this must be extra painful for him, but he is not a toddler, a ten year old having a meltdown must be very upsetting to witness. I agree with the posters who have said you need to have some days apart for the sake of your own children who are having their holiday disrupted.

They are obviously not comfortable with the change of environment, sensory demands, different food etc and that must be absolutely awful for them.
I’d be going for a mix of helping where I could - do they have to do the activity? Could they opt out and have a quiet time with a willing adult while everyone else does something different?
But I’d also be making the most of the holiday for my family too, where possible.
Is the problem that their parents are denying signs of ND and have been for some time? Because forcing a child to continually do things to the point of meltdown is horrendous and if ND is a possibility then holidays need to be tailored to minimise that build up of stress (by the parents).

😂

@MummaMummaJumma rest-bite

Why did you decide to holiday with this 'nightmare'?

Find an activity your dc will love and dn def won't... Find a reason to spend a day apart. It is everyone's holiday not the dn show.

rest-bite?

@x2boys I agree, it's not always the case

Do things separately and don't book another family holiday together again!

Jesus, it’s obvs meant to be ‘respite’. Have a day off 🙄

Oops, that’s embarrassing and too late to edit now. I hold my hands up, I clearly don’t know how to spell. Not sure if it’s worth starting a thread about though? Correct and move on?

If you can’t fix it distance yourself from it just because your on holiday all together doesn’t mean you have to spend every minute together
I’d be planning to do something separately

Separate activites.

Your kid could get a "headache".

Hard agree with this

So why are you criticising DN’s behaviour if you think he may be ND and has had no support. Probable sensory overload.

His family is very unreasonable to spend money at dolphin abuse parks.

but aside from that can't you avoid him? Go off and do your own thing as much as possible?

This isn’t normal behaviour for a 10 year old. Definitely sounds like autism (I say that as the parent of an 11 year old with severe autism who attends a specialist school for children with autism). Children with autism often cope better at school where the routine is the same everyday and then explode like a bottle of fizzy drink at the weekend / evenings. Of course I’m not able to diagnose but judging by what you’ve written it sounds like they’re just completely overwhelmed with everything and need some quiet down time.

Someone behaving in an entirely predictable way, as they always have done, shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. I don't understand why you'd choose to go to Disneyland with someone whose company you don't like.

If someone I considered to be a nightmare suggested a meetup I'd say 'no thanks'. I would not pay £1000s to be around them for days on end.

Nothing like a group holiday to make you hate other parents. I find it's usually the parents whose style differ from mine I can't cope with. Add on top something where you're hot, jet lagged and it's non stop action and it all builds up. We did something similar and I could barely look at one set of parents by the end of day 1, by day 3 I was calmer after exploding on the phone to someone, which relieved some of my pressure. And then we just started doing different things citing age differences as the reason.

I would plan your days so you can make as much as possible on your own whereas DN with parents join you later e.g don’t plan sharing taxi with them, go inside the attraction and they are joining later. In a way it might be helpful for them as well as they would be more relaxed without you waiting/ watching them. I wouldn’t look after DN and I wouldn’t discuss any of your plans in front of him just in case it’d upset him .

So basically try to stay a bit aside and get together only at key (unavoidable) moments.

I'd be tempted to say to the parents that you've noticed that he gets overwhelmed and that you think it might help him if you and your family unit step away for a while so that he's not surrounded by so many people.