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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nephew is ruining holiday

286 replies

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:33

NC for this

we’re on a trip or a lifetime. Meant to be the happiest place in the world but DN is ruining it for everyone.

meltdown after meltdown. Mainly about what to wear, what to eat, doesn’t want to wear suncream, cries and screams for an hour, finally agrees to put suncream on and then immediately run into the pool, gets burnt badly on shoulders, then screams and shouts about how awful the sunburn is.

constantly moans that cousins/siblings are getting more (they aren’t)

now we have an event that only DN can do due to age, but it requires them to wear a wetsuit, which they’re now wailing about, as if the rules will suddenly be changed due to their behaviour

I’m finding myself getting more and more frustrated, and fear I’ll just explode in a fit of anger and end up saying something I might later regret (not regret but for the sake of family harmony I should just keep my mouth shut)

DN has been a nightmare for years so to a certain extent I knew it would be potentially an issue but it’s just way worse than I anticipated.

any tips for keeping sane 😂😂

OP posts:
Misthios · 23/03/2024 17:49

crumblingschools · 23/03/2024 16:26

@Misthios read the title of the thread

Whoops, how embarrassing. I thought the OP's use of language to avoid identifying the sex of the child.

thismummydrinksgin · 23/03/2024 17:52

He sounds like a sad little
Boy that is struggling. I do understand he is spoiling the experience but I think you should take some time away when possible and try to enjoy the holiday. His poor parents must also be struggling x

Differentstarts · 23/03/2024 17:53

Iv done group/family holidays in the past and the only way they work is if your not living in each others pockets. Just say where going to have a family day tomorrow and we will meet you for the evening meal the chances are the other family will actually be relieved to

TwoWithCurls · 23/03/2024 17:56

Well, it's pretty obvious to me that he's ND.

kittensinthekitchen · 23/03/2024 17:57

TwoWithCurls · 23/03/2024 17:56

Well, it's pretty obvious to me that he's ND.

Wow, you could single-handedly clear the CAMHS neurodevelopmental waiting lists in weeks!! 👏🏻

Orangello · 23/03/2024 17:59

My niece was exactly like that when she was 9 years old. No special needs or disabilities. Totally ruined the holiday, spent the entire time grumpy and moaning about everything, even though she ran the entire show and we all did whatever she wanted. So much that I did refuse to holiday with her the next year.
In 2 years, she had suddenly matured into a lovely child, a total pleasure to be around. So fx for you as well. In the meantime, go do your own stuff, you don't have to spend all the holiday together.

TwoWithCurls · 23/03/2024 17:59

@kittensinthekitchen haha I'd love to! Seriously though, I'd scrolled down and guess what... they've long suspected the kid is ND and there's a family history... quelle surprise. I live this stuff, so it's easy to spot.

Goldbar · 23/03/2024 18:00

I'm sorry but I think this is sort of on you. Why did you agree to go on the holiday in the first place? Have you not spent a lot of time with DN and his family up until now because, if you had, it must surely have been apparent to you that there were lots of situations where he doesn't cope very well and that you don't necessarily agree with how his parents handle them. He might well be a bratty child but actually he also sounds like a completely overwhelmed one and it sounds like nobody is really handling this very well. His parents should be taking him off somewhere quieter away from people so he can calm down and you should shelf the judgement for a bit and crack on with making sure your own DC enjoy their holiday.

kittensinthekitchen · 23/03/2024 18:00

OP, you know there is suspicion of your nephew being being neurodivergent; you deliberately miss this out of your earlier posts. You know his needs are unmet and unsupported,

Yet despite being aware of this, you've come on here to list everything he's doing 'wrong', everything that's pissing you off, pretty much encouraging people to say negative things about based on what you have initially presented as an issue with his behaviour.

Which is a really shitty way to act about a ten year old, don't you think?

Intestinequeen · 23/03/2024 18:05

m00rfarm · 23/03/2024 15:58

rest-bite?

She means respite!!!

Patrickiscrazy · 23/03/2024 18:06

Fannyfiggs · 23/03/2024 15:42

If DN is 6 or under I would probably be more understanding.

If he's 18+ he needs to get a grip 🤣

Happy to be child free! 😂
Also DN free, too.
Kid might be ND, or just a nightmare.

dapsnotplimsolls · 23/03/2024 18:07

Do your own thing and have a lovely time.

MumChp · 23/03/2024 18:09

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:37

Yes I do, I have 6 year old twins

Go do something on your own without the nephew. Only way to stay sane.

safetyfreak · 23/03/2024 18:14

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:45

DN is 10 and yes there are suspicions that ND may be an issue, but at school they are absolutely fine. I’m aware that they are probably masking

there is a lot of family history, which I’m not going to go into in any depth as I don’t want to be identified

Ive long thought that DN needs therapy but it just falls on deaf ears

I have a 11 year old and it certainly is not neuro typical behaviour but surely, you knew this before you agreed to holiday with them?

So, YABU as you chose to holiday with them. Can you go out with your children alone?

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 23/03/2024 18:15

I took ND DC to Florida at the age your DN is OP. To be fair he wasn’t a brat, but he did need some more downtime than some kids would.

Are his parents actually parenting him?

Lordofmyflies · 23/03/2024 18:19

I think if DN is 10, I'd be having a gentle chat with his parents and say that you and your family are going to have a few days together to do your own thing. If you like, suggest regrouping for dinner but certainly I'd not want a 10 year old spoiling what sounds like a very expensive holiday.

Hankunamatata · 23/03/2024 18:19

That's sounds tiring. Have parents worked out mechanisms to head off meltdowns, like deciding what to wear before they go to bed next day. Mine wear a leggings and swim top as they hate suncream

Famfirst · 23/03/2024 18:20

Florida and the parks in general are hard work and we are not slaves to them, we sometimes only go in for an hour and definitely not every day.

If you've got two cars then take a day or so and go to daytona or Melbourne beach which is good to chill out. If Orlando magic are playing it's definitely worth the trip into downtown to see a game. If you do this, perhaps the other family could have the car for the day and have it back in time for you to go out, just have a villa day.

As for it being the happiest place on earth, it most definitely isn't that's just a good marketing tag line that makes you feel guilty if your family isn't having the best time ever 🙄 It's a pretty high stress environment for lots of people.

Dahlietta · 23/03/2024 18:22

I thought Finland was the happiest place on earth.

HesterPrincess · 23/03/2024 18:34

You have to put your DC first, so focus on doing what they would like. I'd just say that it's so rare for you all to have family time that you want to enjoy the days as a family and will see them at dinner.

Trulyme · 23/03/2024 18:34

ND or no ND this sounds very stressful and unfair on the other kids.

Perhaps do a couple of outings which are separate to DN and his parents, so your kids can have a better time.

I’d personally offer to take DN for a couple of hours too (even if just watching Tv in the hotel) just to give his parents some space who must be loosing their minds.

AlleycatMarie · 23/03/2024 18:37

Can you separate for a bit? Go off on your own and meet up with wider family later? That’s what I’ve done in a similar situation.

pegpuff · 23/03/2024 18:45

I assume you are in Florida? It’s bloody expensive, and I can see what you mean.

It is probably just too much for him, it’s overwhelming. And hot. I would split up as much as possible tbh, for you and your children’s sake. Your children must come first for you, so it is ok.

Kissmystarfish · 23/03/2024 18:47

My daughter is 12 and ND. We recently went to Disney and she had one meltdown and that was it

so the the person who said it’s how he’s patented is spot on! My daughter was tired. Very hot (it was 35!) and only once for like 40 mins did she have what I’d call a meltdown. No screaming or crying just sat down saying I’m staying here for a bit.

JoyGrace · 23/03/2024 18:47

@Meltdowmahem Did you agree to this blended holiday because it worked out cheaper for you and your kids as opposed to if you went without DN and his family? Or would you not be able to afford this holiday in first place without Dn and his family joining your family?

Otherwise we cannot see why you agree to go with them, in the first place, given what you say about DN and his family.