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Original poster

Nephew is ruining holiday

286 replies

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:33

NC for this

we’re on a trip or a lifetime. Meant to be the happiest place in the world but DN is ruining it for everyone.

meltdown after meltdown. Mainly about what to wear, what to eat, doesn’t want to wear suncream, cries and screams for an hour, finally agrees to put suncream on and then immediately run into the pool, gets burnt badly on shoulders, then screams and shouts about how awful the sunburn is.

constantly moans that cousins/siblings are getting more (they aren’t)

now we have an event that only DN can do due to age, but it requires them to wear a wetsuit, which they’re now wailing about, as if the rules will suddenly be changed due to their behaviour

I’m finding myself getting more and more frustrated, and fear I’ll just explode in a fit of anger and end up saying something I might later regret (not regret but for the sake of family harmony I should just keep my mouth shut)

DN has been a nightmare for years so to a certain extent I knew it would be potentially an issue but it’s just way worse than I anticipated.

any tips for keeping sane 😂😂

OP posts:
BruFord · 23/03/2024 16:55

I agree that the best idea is to say that you’re going to do things separately with your children for the next couple of days and meet up with everyone for dinner. His parents can deal with him and perhaps once he’s got used to being in a new environment, he might calm down.

You don’t need to try and deal with his behavior, OP, he’s not your child.

Floralnomad · 23/03/2024 16:55

Just because you’ve gone on holiday with family it doesn’t mean that you are glued together and have to do everything together - just go out with your kids and meet the others for dinner or something . Also don’t holiday with them again .

Greenpolkadot · 23/03/2024 16:56

What are his parents doing when all this commotion is going on ? Pandering to his every whim ?

Minata · 23/03/2024 16:57

Then think of this and give him a bit of slack. He's probably completely overwhelmed and tired from jet lag.

No. He doesn't get to ruin it for everyone else. Op should just do her own thing with her children.

Notinthemood12 · 23/03/2024 16:58

Either parents remove him from the venue or you go off separately, I’m assuming you’ve paid for your own children’s holiday? Not fair it gets spoilt for everyone else. Make an excuse if you want to keep peace or low key ask your child to say they want to look at another bit of the place/ toilet then just do your own thing

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 23/03/2024 16:59

You go do stuff separately if you can. We went to Disney world with dh’s family with young children and they acted the same. Constant demands and screaming when didn’t get bought every toy. Parents did nothing. So after a day of it we decided we’d see them at lunch but separately go off. They tried getting me and dh, childless at the time, to take the kids with us to babysit 😂

toomanyy · 23/03/2024 16:59

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:33

NC for this

we’re on a trip or a lifetime. Meant to be the happiest place in the world but DN is ruining it for everyone.

meltdown after meltdown. Mainly about what to wear, what to eat, doesn’t want to wear suncream, cries and screams for an hour, finally agrees to put suncream on and then immediately run into the pool, gets burnt badly on shoulders, then screams and shouts about how awful the sunburn is.

constantly moans that cousins/siblings are getting more (they aren’t)

now we have an event that only DN can do due to age, but it requires them to wear a wetsuit, which they’re now wailing about, as if the rules will suddenly be changed due to their behaviour

I’m finding myself getting more and more frustrated, and fear I’ll just explode in a fit of anger and end up saying something I might later regret (not regret but for the sake of family harmony I should just keep my mouth shut)

DN has been a nightmare for years so to a certain extent I knew it would be potentially an issue but it’s just way worse than I anticipated.

any tips for keeping sane 😂😂

Sounds frustrating but why did you go on holiday with him if you know what he’s like?

Edit: didn’t mean to quote the OP!

kindlyensure · 23/03/2024 17:01

Oh dear. I saw a kid having an absolute belter of a meltdown at Disney. His dad stood over him yelling "Why are you crying?! You're at Disneyland!"

Needless to say, it became a stock phrase in our house.

RainStreakedWindows · 23/03/2024 17:01

Pepsimaxedout · 23/03/2024 15:34

Do you have kids of your own? You should know then that the problem isn't actually DN. It's how he's been parented.

I'm very glad my friends are more supportive than you.

SpeedyDrama · 23/03/2024 17:01

Minata · 23/03/2024 16:57

Then think of this and give him a bit of slack. He's probably completely overwhelmed and tired from jet lag.

No. He doesn't get to ruin it for everyone else. Op should just do her own thing with her children.

Yes these bloody disabled children ruining things for everyone with their disabilities 🙄.

The op is entitled to enjoy the holiday with her own family, I suspect she’s not being held around Disney against her will. So the only thing to do is make plans with her own family and crack on.

AmeliaEarhart · 23/03/2024 17:02

Minata · 23/03/2024 16:57

Then think of this and give him a bit of slack. He's probably completely overwhelmed and tired from jet lag.

No. He doesn't get to ruin it for everyone else. Op should just do her own thing with her children.

OP can do both. She can understand that her nephew can’t help his behaviour and feel sympathetic and not judgmental towards him and his parents, and still go off and do her own thing with her children.

It will probably be beneficial for everyone as nephew may be also struggling with the extra people who he is not used to.8

Crumpleton · 23/03/2024 17:03

Look after your own two DC, make sure they have a holiday of a lifetime and leave your DN parents to look after him, it's not as though he's on his own.

You say he's like it at home, give yourself permission to have a break from it.
Go off and enjoy yourselves, you didn't spend all that money on a holiday for it to be "same shit different location"

Dogball · 23/03/2024 17:04

This would be my child. And this is why we don’t holiday with other families anymore. It’s embarrassing for us, not fair on our child if they are forced to mask for days on end and not fair on others if they aren’t.

I agree it’s best to do thing’s separately for everyone’s sake

Aquamarine1029 · 23/03/2024 17:06

I wouldn't be having that. Take control of the situation and tell your family that you and your children will be doing things separately for the remainder of the vacation. This isn't fair to you or your kids.

Notsoflirtythirty · 23/03/2024 17:07

This actually makes me so sad, he clearly isn't coping well with the holiday. If he's ND he's not going to want to be having the meltdowns.

But if he's like this at home, why on earth would you take him somewhere that is going to be so overwhelming for him. I would branch off and take a day or two for your children, have a break from it if you need to

DodgeDoggie · 23/03/2024 17:10

Don’t make a big deal of it but take them off for the day to have special quiet time with your own kids

MummaMummaJumma · 23/03/2024 17:11

Rest-bite doesn't exist. It is RESPITE

@Topseyt123 yep, thank you. I know now.

TheOnlyAletheia · 23/03/2024 17:13

I feel your pain. I took DNiece to the happiest place on earth when she was 9 with my two children. No SN. It was a nightmare. She tantrummed and whinged for 10 days. None of my previously used parenting strategies worked. It culminating on the flight back when she cried for 5 hours because she wanted to sit in a particular seat in business class and couldn’t because one of the other kids was in it. She remembers the holiday fondly and my kids still talk about it 😂

idontlikealdi · 23/03/2024 17:16

We did a big family holiday and my niece was an absolute fucking nightmare. The behaviour was beyond challenging. We took ourselves off for the day out of resort and had the best day of the holiday.

Bil and sil were so stressed it wasn't enjoyable for any of them.

We raised our suspicions of ND (I am diagnosed ASD so did have some idea of what I was talking about) and got completely shot down. She was eventually diagnosed ASD and ADHD about five years later.

KomodoOhno · 23/03/2024 17:22

FannyFifer · 23/03/2024 15:42

Head off on your own with ur kids, don't let him ruin their holiday ffs.

This and never do a vacation with them again. Maybe if his parents are stuck dealing with him they will start working gon his behavior.

AxolotlEars · 23/03/2024 17:24

Sounds like neuro-diverse behaviour...I have a number of kids that would fall in that category. Our first rule of holidaying with others is to plan in rest days from each other, about every 3/4 days. They are non-negotiable even if we are getting on famously. Many things come out of the woodwork when it's just your unit. Even if you didn't plan to do it you can instigate it tomorrow

Nanny0gg · 23/03/2024 17:36

Guavafish1 · 23/03/2024 16:39

how old is DN

10

TempleOfBloom · 23/03/2024 17:42

Yours are 6, he is 10, have a good look at all the activities and say ‘this morning I thought I would take the twins to xyz 6 year old activity, too babyish for DN, see you at lunch’ .

Rinse and repeat.

MILTOBE · 23/03/2024 17:47

I think I'd take your kids out for the day or at least away from their cousin. All of them will be better off in smaller groups for a while.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/03/2024 17:48

kindlyensure · 23/03/2024 17:01

Oh dear. I saw a kid having an absolute belter of a meltdown at Disney. His dad stood over him yelling "Why are you crying?! You're at Disneyland!"

Needless to say, it became a stock phrase in our house.

I think we'd get on!

I am distracted reading this by OP's use of nephew in the thread title but then using 'they' to refer to the child, when we all know he's a he.