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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nephew is ruining holiday

286 replies

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:33

NC for this

we’re on a trip or a lifetime. Meant to be the happiest place in the world but DN is ruining it for everyone.

meltdown after meltdown. Mainly about what to wear, what to eat, doesn’t want to wear suncream, cries and screams for an hour, finally agrees to put suncream on and then immediately run into the pool, gets burnt badly on shoulders, then screams and shouts about how awful the sunburn is.

constantly moans that cousins/siblings are getting more (they aren’t)

now we have an event that only DN can do due to age, but it requires them to wear a wetsuit, which they’re now wailing about, as if the rules will suddenly be changed due to their behaviour

I’m finding myself getting more and more frustrated, and fear I’ll just explode in a fit of anger and end up saying something I might later regret (not regret but for the sake of family harmony I should just keep my mouth shut)

DN has been a nightmare for years so to a certain extent I knew it would be potentially an issue but it’s just way worse than I anticipated.

any tips for keeping sane 😂😂

OP posts:
CruCru · 23/03/2024 16:17

I have no idea (from this) whether or not the nephew is ND. If you are where I think you are then presumably you have only just got there? Schools only broke up yesterday. He may calm down.

I do have to agree with Changeandagoodrest "I find it's usually the parents whose style differ from mine I can't cope with".

LiveLaughCryalot · 23/03/2024 16:23

Do your own thing. You and your children deserve to enjoy your once in a lifetime holiday too that I'm assuming has cost a lot of money. You have two 6 year olds that are the perfect age for Disney? Just go off from this point on and do your own thing.

Misthios · 23/03/2024 16:24

Why is everyone deciding that DN - which could be niece OR nephew - is a boy? OP is being deliberately vague, probably to lessen the chances of being outed.

Doesn't really matter why the child is having tantrums and meltdowns. The fact is that the behaviour, and the parents' inability to predict the behaviour and deal with it when it arises, is affecting OP's holiday with her own kids.

I agree that taking yourself off and spending some time with your own kids doing something is a good idea. Meet the rest of the family for lunch/dinner or a show in the evening, but get some space. A family holiday does not mean everyone moving en masse, doing the same stuff at the same time.

crumblingschools · 23/03/2024 16:26

@Misthios read the title of the thread

Topseyt123 · 23/03/2024 16:27

MummaMummaJumma · 23/03/2024 15:52

I’m embarrassed to say, this sounds a lot like my son when we went away when he was 2 and a half. Slightly out of character for him, but he was such a moany bum one particular holiday. However, I made sure that my little family planned time away/went out for dinner separately so it didn’t impact the other families we were with. I would definitely need some rest-bite away from kids that weren’t my own kicking off and so I was very mindful that I needed to consider others around me. Hope it improves OP.

Rest-bite doesn't exist. It is RESPITE.

OP, where are your nephew's parents? Are they not on the holiday with you? If they are then it sounds like your family and theirs need to go their separate ways and do their own thing for a couple of days now and then during the holiday.

If they are not with you and you have taken on sole care of your nephew for the duration of the stay then you will just have to muddle through as best you can whilst reminding yourselves that once this is over you need never go on such a holiday with him again.

Topseyt123 · 23/03/2024 16:29

Why is everyone deciding that DN - which could be niece OR nephew - is a boy? OP is being deliberately vague, probably to lessen the chances of being outed.

The thread title definitely says nephew.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/03/2024 16:32

we’re on a trip or a lifetime. Meant to be the happiest place in the world but DN is ruining it for everyone.

It's only the happiest place on earth according to their own advertising. I know someone who can trace their divorce back to Disneyland. The expectations, the pressure, the expense, the discomfort when it's SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

Relax, care a lot less, find your boundaries and don't go on holiday with him again.

MonsteraMama · 23/03/2024 16:32

@Misthios do you know many people with female nephews then?

OP I reckon you've just got to say you want some family time with just your husband and the twins and bugger off for a day to do your own thing. His behaviour is unlikely to change in the space of whatever is left of your holiday, so you and your family need to try and carve out some time away from them to get a breather.

alexisccd · 23/03/2024 16:37

I'm struggling to work out why everyone thinks they are at Disney - it just says holiday of a lifetime but not where. I can't think of anything less like holiday of a lifetime than disney tbh

OP honestly, You are being a bit of a martyr - just say you want to spend some time separately. you don't have to be together surely unless you are on a yacht or private island which to be fair would be one of my holidays of a lifetime.

Pinkbonbon · 23/03/2024 16:37

A trip if a lifetime...with kids...that are not even yours?

Yeah that was always going to be hell.

Trip of a lifetime xD sure, for a masochist.

Guavafish1 · 23/03/2024 16:39

how old is DN

FloofyBird · 23/03/2024 16:40

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:45

DN is 10 and yes there are suspicions that ND may be an issue, but at school they are absolutely fine. I’m aware that they are probably masking

there is a lot of family history, which I’m not going to go into in any depth as I don’t want to be identified

Ive long thought that DN needs therapy but it just falls on deaf ears

He probably just isn't coping. New 'home', people he's not used to being around so much, new places probably every day possibly more than once a day, possibly different food, excitement but also anxiety.

I have ND children and holidays can be very difficult and are not always enjoyable. Preparation is everything and makes a big difference but that's not your job. Do some things separately to retain your sanity!

Guavafish1 · 23/03/2024 16:40

Just leave it and don't go on holiday together again.

Obeast · 23/03/2024 16:41

@alexisccd Disney calls itself 'happiest place on earth'.
@Guavafish1 OP said he's 10

cheddercherry · 23/03/2024 16:43

For the sake of harmony and avoiding exploding just say you and your immediate family are taking a few days to do your own thing. Don’t ruin your kids holiday of a lifetime for the sake of staying polite.

FrownedUpon · 23/03/2024 16:46

Sounds awful. I couldn’t stand that & he’s 10!! I’d be off doing my own thing. It isn’t fair on your DC either.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 23/03/2024 16:49

Back off and say it's for dn's benefit...

SpeedyDrama · 23/03/2024 16:51

If it’s actual meltdowns due to being ND he simply can’t help it, and it will be as horrible for him as it is for you. Sounds like he needs days structured to his needs and it’s not fair on him if he’s being taken places that are triggering meltdowns constantly. I understand that it’s frustrating for you but honestly it’s him I feel more sorry for, he must be extremely overwhelmed.

Whatthefrance2024 · 23/03/2024 16:51

How old is?

colourblindrainbow · 23/03/2024 16:52

We holidayed to Disney world which was supposed to be “the holiday of a lifetime” when my youngest who is neurodivergent was around that age. He had similar issues (allot of sensory stuff and the nose and crowds etc were very overwhelming to him) and I just knew that he was being judged this way by others we were with. Things were said and there was just a vibe alongside it of things that weren’t said but definitely felt. It absolutely broke me how much other people found him to be a problem. If it had just been myself and my 2 children we would have had a flipping fabulous time but unfortunately it was all very stressful and upsetting because I knew we were just “a problem”. I understand that it can be frustrating when everything isn’t going smoothly and perfectly on such an expensive holiday but please just remember that children (even neurodiverse ones) can pick up on the feeling that people aren’t enjoying their presence and it really hurts the parents too when they are trying their very hardest to make sure that not only their own child is having a nice time when they’re struggling but also are very aware that they are being viewed as a hinderance.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 23/03/2024 16:53

Just branch off. Why are you all traipsing along to an event that only he can do?

I'd stay well away from any animal based activities in Florida, personally. Those poor creatures have a shit time.

Disney with extended family doesn't sound at all fun tbh. It's so expensive - start prioritising what your family unit wants to do, or you'll come home wishing you'd never bothered going.

We've never bothered with Disney, but will probably go to Universal when the teens are 18, if they want to come.

colourblindrainbow · 23/03/2024 16:53

*noise and crowds

Minata · 23/03/2024 16:53

cheddercherry · 23/03/2024 16:43

For the sake of harmony and avoiding exploding just say you and your immediate family are taking a few days to do your own thing. Don’t ruin your kids holiday of a lifetime for the sake of staying polite.

This is what I would do. In fact, I wouldn't even care if someone got offended. He sounds like a brat and absolutely irritating to be around. Don't let your kids holiday be spoilt by him.

Absym · 23/03/2024 16:54

Our DN is like this. He’s ND but the school didn’t pick it up or care about it much at all. The parents ignored it for years too, maybe their way of coping. For some people ignoring issues is easier than dealing with them. I can understand that, sometimes it is easier. But it just makes things worse for later. Sounds like this is what is happening here. Not much you can do about the way they deal with their own kids, or the way they haven’t tackled the obvious (from what you’ve said) MH issues. Leave that bit.

For your sanity and to have a nice holiday, I’d just do other stuff with my own DH and children. Then check in for meals with them, or the odd activity, or whatever works best.

Good luck!

trampoline123 · 23/03/2024 16:55

Meltdowmahem · 23/03/2024 15:45

DN is 10 and yes there are suspicions that ND may be an issue, but at school they are absolutely fine. I’m aware that they are probably masking

there is a lot of family history, which I’m not going to go into in any depth as I don’t want to be identified

Ive long thought that DN needs therapy but it just falls on deaf ears

Then think of this and give him a bit of slack. He's probably completely overwhelmed and tired from jet lag.

If all else fails...wine!

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