To think for £100 a week to live at home I can have a shower every day?

[tryinghere]

I live at home, I work f/t and I'm doing an online course. I pay £100 a week contribution and I am moaned at for spending about 15 minutes a day in the shower.
Admittedly one day I was in there half an hour and accepted that I was in there a long time, I was asked to be more considerate and I did, but, I have reduced it to 15 minutes a day and that's still too long.
Apparently it's not necessary to be in there that long and the rest of the family make sacrifices and go without only showering every other day and using sink and flannel in between, I hate this.

My parents don't have a lot of money but they do have 4 children and my mum chooses to stay at home meaning she chooses that we make sacrifices.
As the oldest, I'm the only one paying my way and don't feel it's unreasonable to shower for 15 minutes a day.
I get my parents choose not to so they can save money but I pay them a lot.
Do I stand my ground on this one and shower away or is 15 minutes ott for £100 a week.

Me too. This feels like one of those classic mad Mumsnet threads that’s the opposite of anything I’ve ever experienced.

I often feel like I’ve been living on another planet.

What on Earth is the point of your post?
I genuinely don't understand why so many posters have been so hard on the OP. I really don't.

I agree with you both 😊

But, of course living at home should be cheaper than renting privately. It's one of the motivations for doing it. To save.
OP made it clear that she regretted some of her earlier posts about her mum, and she went on say lovely things about her. Why cling on to the earlier posts, when they've been corrected? Sorry, but you are being harsh. £100 p/w is more than most pay to live at home. She's clearly a contributing member of the household and society; and does not deserve to be the recipient of such harsh posts.

Yes in my opinion you did @Rhaenys , saying the parents chose to have 4 children and so are responsible every child has everything they need - does that include even the cost of daily 15-minutes-showers? As a parent you have the right to expect that once your healthy child has finished school and found a job they would stop costing you money. She's an adult and has a (small) own income, I think it's very generous of her parents to house and feed her for as little as £100 a week. Her mom probably still does her laundry too - I know I would.

Mine was 6 mins today including squeegeeing the shower

It would take longer if I wash my hair

I rarely shower, prefer a bath but how the hell do you spend 15 minutes in the shower. It's in, wash do hair if necessary, 10 minutes max if not doing hair about 2-3.

@fleurneige

You make a valid point

I'm always conscious about not being wasteful with water

I’ve got no time for grown adults whinging about house rules. If you don’t like your living arrangements - move

100 isn't a lot. Offer to pay more. My daughter pays 50 per week and doesn't even earn a huge wage

But I said, the OP aside, the other 3 children are presumably still minors. (I get that that’s an assumption on my part, but the OP said they’re 23 and the eldest, so it’s likely that at least some are).
I’m of the opinion that 15 minute showers aren’t excessive. Also as others have pointed out in the thread that the length of time isn’t fair with regards to other people wanting to use the bathroom, I think that that is something the parents should have considered before choosing to have 4 children - that sharing one bathroom between 6 people is going to be tough. I know that people are getting stuck on the point that the OP is an adult, but at some point they wouldn't have been. So effectively they were suffering for their parents lifestyle choice i.e having to have rushed showers because their parents couldn’t afford the water bill and couldn’t afford a bigger property or household renovations in order to better accommodate them all.

Edited to add with regards to money, I live alone and don’t spend £400 a month on utilities and food.

I easily take 15 minutes in the shower- I have the sort of hair that takes ages to wash and if I have a shave then that adds to it too. To save money though, we do now shower every other day. I also grew up with 3 sisters and we’re all long showerers , my parents would moan a little but never dictated exactly the time we should take regardless if we were paying them digs or not.

Yes, and £400 is going to cover more than just her share of the utility bills and food. I don’t think a lodger should be liable to pay for a share of other household bills like contents insurance, especially if that lodger is your son or daughter. In that case the OP would be subsidising their younger siblings and I don’t think it’s right.

Fucking hell, I can't believe we're on over 900 posts on the subject of shower lengths and the rights and wrongs of ADULT CHILDREN paying their own way.

I personally wouldn’t choose to have 4 children for many reasons.

But lots of people grow up in bigger families & share bathrooms. I can see why it might not be ideal but it’s not a major hardship.

I have a friend who had more children because she’s from a big family and she wanted her own children to have more than one sibling. So she was thinking about her existing children when she decided to have more children.

”Lifestyle choice” sounds a bit demeaning of the OP’s parents.

I’m sorry but from the way you’ve worded it, it sounds like your friend was primarily thinking of herself rather than her existing children.

And the number of children you have absolutely is a lifestyle choice, whether that be 10 children or none at all.

I’m not aware of any studies being done on it but it’s regularly reported that people do feel like they suffered in childhood if their parents couldn’t adequately provide for them, and I’m not just talking about large families either.

@Rhaenys I really think the decision of the parents towards OP is age- and schooling related. I'm sure she lived with her parents and siblings with no costs at all untill she finished her education and started to work. Probably her parents payed for her education and for all the extra's, and I guess they still do for her siblings. But then she moved back home, maybe at a time one or more of her siblings are in higher education, lots of expenses for the parents. That's nothing to do with "lifestyle choice", I think the parents never thought they would still have their eldest at home áfter she finished her education.

As much as I think 15 minute showers aren't that big a deal, I also think it's batshit to suggest her parents should have had fewer kids, so their adult dd has more access to the family bathroom!

£100 a week can justify a 15minute shower per day, I tend to shower between 10-20mins, I like showering 🤷🏻‍♀️

Im sure children do suffer if their parents can’t adequately provide for them. But siblings even 4 of them or even the whole family sharing a bathroom isn’t a failure to adequately provide for them IMO. Im sure a bit chaotic at times though.

I am not getting at the OP at all, I only mentioned the initial postings being disrespectful because I think some posters have been supportive of those initial feelings from her over how her parents and mum provide for the family. I don't think that's helpful to her and I am making my points to people giving her awful advice and letting her think her parents are in the wrong.

It's relevant to note what setting up a home Vs living at home with your parents cost's because it creates an understanding for the OP who will hopefully see more from her parents perspective and so she doesn't harbour any unnecessary resentment over her contributions. She'll be far better educated financially for it as well.

People are speaking as though she's living a horrific existence yet a few minutes for a shower may not be everyone's ideal but it's not going to harm her.

Again, some people are living miserably at the moment, choosing between eating and heating and it can be horrific so it's really disappointed to read people preaching from a place of privilege telling her she's been over charged when her parents probably feel terrible about it and others who are reading and struggling will feel it too.

I agree. It's madness.

Look, the occasional 15 min shower, when you're doing it all for a special occasion or you went hiking through a swamp, isn't unreasonable.

But daily? What are you doing?

Your hair shouldn't need washing that much (if you cut down to alternate days it might even start looking better). You can wash the important bits with sink and flannel, or in a few mins in shower.

Unless your job is very active/messy (coal mine?) or at risk of contagion (hospital worker?)

Invest in some dry shampoo and possibly a better deodorant if you're feeling less than fresh.

As others have said, a gym membership to use the showers there might be good.

Or if you want to spend ages in the shower without affecting anyone else, book yourself a night in a Premier Inn or something (£40 if you plan ahead) and do whatever you like.

Honestly, it feels like utter madness that you are trying to figure out/tell someone why a 15 minute shower isn’t necessary. I just can’t believe what I am reading.

It is very easily done, and clearly people have different hygiene levels as some find it ok to shower every other day but that is not something I would ever dream of. It takes me a good 10 minutes to feel I’ve cleaned well without breaking my back to do so.

Also, for those of you who think that an in and out shower is the only way, let me tell you for some of us who enjoy our 15-20 minute showers, it’s about not forever bloody rushing every last thing in life. Does lead me to wonder how many people assume that everyone should just rush through every aspect of their daily life because they do. Not everyone wants to live rushed and against a clock for every little task.

This isn't about 'enjoying' a shower though. OP lives in a house with 6 people in it. There is a certain level of compromise if others need to use the bathroom/limited hot water and a financial concern.

I'm definitely not an advocate of rushing everything for the sake of it but I do think that 15 mins as a daily shower isn't necessary. Preferred doesn't equal Essential.

And the wording of the question is: [because I pay £100pw] this would not cover OPs expenses if living out of family home
[can I take 15 min daily showers] if there is a reason this is needed, OP should be explaining to parents.

Realistically, the options here might be to contribute more to offset the costs if its what OP wants? It could be that, in their own place, OP would prioritise these showers over something else that is in the parents budget but it isn't their house so...