To think for £100 a week to live at home I can have a shower every day?

[tryinghere]

I live at home, I work f/t and I'm doing an online course. I pay £100 a week contribution and I am moaned at for spending about 15 minutes a day in the shower.
Admittedly one day I was in there half an hour and accepted that I was in there a long time, I was asked to be more considerate and I did, but, I have reduced it to 15 minutes a day and that's still too long.
Apparently it's not necessary to be in there that long and the rest of the family make sacrifices and go without only showering every other day and using sink and flannel in between, I hate this.

My parents don't have a lot of money but they do have 4 children and my mum chooses to stay at home meaning she chooses that we make sacrifices.
As the oldest, I'm the only one paying my way and don't feel it's unreasonable to shower for 15 minutes a day.
I get my parents choose not to so they can save money but I pay them a lot.
Do I stand my ground on this one and shower away or is 15 minutes ott for £100 a week.

I leave my conditioner on for 5 mins so I’m team op

Bloody hell my 13 year old ds spends more than 15 mins in the shower I don't think you're being unreasonable at all if anyone needs the loo we just knock and whoevers in the shower pulls the shower curtain round . We aren't rich my any means but it's never even occurred to me to monitor how long anyone showers for

I spend about 15-20 mins in the bathroom. I don't leave the water running continuously, I don't understand why people do that. If I'm washing my hair I'll usually take 25-30 mins. I wash my hair twice, will use a body scrub, hair mask etc. sometimes I can take longer. It also takes me about 7-8 mins to dry myself and put my clothes on (which is included in the time)

LOL I own my own home, bought at 25, and have 3 kids of my own.
I can’t imagine my life being so petty that I would time them in the shower…
Nor can I imagine struggling to provide for the younger kids, while not working AT ALL, not even part time, and relying on my eldest child to keep our heads above water.
Now THAT, is entitled.

I love long hot baths and showers and take a lot longer than 15 minutes. So unless you’re using up all the hot water or taking up the bathroom at a busy time, I personally don’t think YABU.

I guess it’s their house, their rules though.

Why are you shaming them for not being well off enough to let their daughter off paying her way. How much do student halls cost to live in these days? Pretty sure they don't supply food, they didn't when I was there anyway. The main point is, your parents have taken care of you forever and they've sacrificed to do it and still are. There's something really cruel in knowing your family are so worried about paying the bills they are skipping showers and you making them feel rubbish about it, they've not told her she can't shower they've asked she be quicker.

I use the toilet and then shower including hair washing and I’m in and out the bathroom in about 11 minutes. Our mornings need to run smoothly with everyone needing to be out early that’s how I know exactly how long I take.

What a completely bullshit comment.

Its not about the shower time. Its about your views that because you are contributing 'x' amount this entitles you to your long shower.

My DS contributes £150 per month because i can afford to do that. But if i couldnt afford it (Like you Parents) then i would happily insist on £400. Would i then be happy that he went and wasted money on long showers? No i would not. I still go around the house every day telling them to turn lights and TV's off when not needed. Its just sensible and responsible to save the energy.

You are the only child in the position of paying a contribution and i am sure your parents appreciate it but it does not mean they are not being good parents and responsible asking you to consider your shower time. Money is tight for most and family supports family

You don’t know why OP’s mum doesn’t work, she may have very valid reasons. And expecting OP to pay her own way is not ‘relying’ on her to keep the rest of the family, it’s just to cover her own costs.

My DD lives at home and works. I have to pay for the superfast broadband she needs for work (which we had to upgrade to just for her) and her mobile phone contract. She does about 5 loads of washing a week, all go in the tumble drier.

She gets two rooms (bedroom and spare bedroom has been taken over as an office) plus her own bathroom.

Every week she gives me a shopping list for “her” items. Fage yogurt, different berries, innocent smoothies, all her toiletries, etc etc. This is on top of the normal household shop that provides all her meals. We also can’t have any alcohol of our own. She’ll polish off a bottle of my gin with her friends quite regularly. I pay for all her sundries like her prescriptions etc and give her lifts all over the place at no cost.

She easily costs me £400 a month. In fact I don’t think 400 would touch the sides! And despite getting all that I STILL tell her to spend less time in the shower, and to turn the temperature down because her bathroom is mouldy as hell, and we can never have a hot shower (we have a water tank).

How times have changed!
IfI back chatted my parents I'd have got a clip round the ear. (Probably but I'd have never back chatted them to find out)
That was the days when we respected our parents, before the tables turned and now the children demand respect from their parents while giving the middle finger.

If I was washing my hair (usually 3 times a week) it would take me 15mins as I have thick hair I have to brush etc but the other days it’s less than 5 mins.

It is annoying having restrictions placed on you when it’s hygiene related but it would cost you waaaay more that 400pm to run your own home OP.

I think you need to understand why it's an issue before thinking that because you make a contribution its okay.

Ask them why.
Is it because of cost. Is it because theres in bathroom between 6. Or people struggle to get access. Does having long showers mean the hot water runs out. Or causes a lot of damp/ mould.
Is it coming across as inconsiderate to them because they try not to to save money, but you show no regard for this.

I think if you want to be a good person, you should ask to understand. Then you can evaluate yourself and your behaviour and be more considerate to your family.

At the end of the day, you are living in someone elses house, who is subsiding you living there. Are youre doing something theyre unhappy with to the extent that theyve raised it with you.

And you can cut a shower down from 15 mins.
One of my family used to have a house off grid so we had to use the water very very sparingly. And turn the shower water off unless we were rinsing something off like shampoo or gel.
Another tip is not washing your hair every time. Its good for you anyway to not wash it everyday.
Tying it on top of your head and doing a quick body wash is a fast way to shower.

You definitely can cut it down. Even if you still have a longer shower a week, you can do some much shorter ones.

End of the day, you've been told you're making other people unhappy and you should care about them. Its not your house.

Yes but that was when "children" lived at home and did as they were told, then they moved out when they grew up.
Now adults are still living at home there's a different dynamic, you can't expect an adult to live as though they were still little children, of course there's got to be respect as they are all equal adults.

I have my long baths/showers in the evening. I admit it does mess up my routine when a house guest has a bath in the morning, especially if I have to go into the office that day.

The water companies say we should be in the shower for 4 minutes a day, ours sent us a water saving pack and in it was an egg timer.
I really don't understand what you can be doing in there for 15 minutes. I can be in and out in 4 including washing my hair.
You need one of these.
Shower Timer - Simple 4 minute shower timer to help you save Water, Energy, Money & Time : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen

Most people these days are clever enough to understand that smashing people around the head doesn't teach respect. I'm sorry you haven't moved forward with the rest of us, but just because you faced the threat of assault as a child doesn't oblige the rest of us to maintain it as a tradition. It's almost as if that kind of treatment arrests a person's ability to think and reason...

"Backchat", ffs...if you're such a mature grown up, why can't you stand not having the last word?

Tying it on top of your head and doing a quick body wash is a fast way to shower.

Or even wearing a shower cap.

Presumably with her salary she would be able to manage to live but taking away £100 per week (£433.33 per month) income from the already cash strapped parents could end up tipping them into debt

15 minute showers and an evening meal and even paying for water on a metre doesn’t come to £433 per month
The rest of the bills will still be there .

I don’t think they are looking at the bigger picture and are just issuing knee jerk reactions to the electric bills but then not taking account of the extra income that comes with it

Have to say OP you sound very immature. Aged 23 and on £24k, living at home? At aged 22 on £22k I was living in London, in a house share with strangers, fully responsible for my adult life. (This was less than 10 years ago, so not in some ancient time when life was so much cheaper.)

What about having life experiences? Being responsible for yourself? £24k is a perfectly good salary for a young single person. Find the nearest big city, move into a house share, learn how to budget. Toast and pot noodles, cheap wine at predrinks, go to the pub. Get a life. This would be my advice. Not staying at home criticising your mother.

Why on earth don’t you get her to move out? I’m sorry but getting her used to a life of free innocent smoothies, free booze, free taxis, all meals cooked for her is NOT doing her any favours. It’s NOT the brag you think it is.

Young adults need to actually live their lives. She will survive on a budget in a house share or flat share will pals. Early twenties is supposed to be the best time of your life, heading out into the world, finding your feet, learning from your mistakes.

Genuinely concerning how infantilised the generation below me seems to be.

FWIW my mother told me that she was charging me £25 per week (1970s) and I wouldn’t find anywhere else for cheaper

I was on £80 per month and had to take other jobs to cover the shortfall and my Bus fare to work.

I moved out and ended up paying £60 per month, bills included.

She’s only 20 on an apprenticeship wage. I still take £200 a month off her even though I’m lucky enough to not need it. It’s just a token amount to make her start to realise that she’s an adult now. She does do all her own cooking/cleaning/washing now so she’s moving in the right direction. I’m sure she’ll be off once she qualifies and is getting a proper wage.

PS. It wasn’t a brag. It was to demonstrate how much an extra adult in the house costs.

The main issue from this thread OP isn’t showers it’s that you don’t respect your mother and feel entitled to comment on her life choices. This is despite, as others have pointed out that you are doing pretty well in life.

The even scarier thing is that so many including those who are mothers themselves not only agree with you that your mother is lazy but think you are entitled to a view on how your parents decided to run their household.

The idea that one poster said that you are keeping your parents above water at £100 a week is laughable frankly.

Move out, pay your full way without having someone else putting a roof over your head. Maybe in a few years when you have kids yourself and are faced with being a working mother you might understand why your mother choose to stay at home. When your life involves more than just washing yourself & getting yourself out the door, when you have to fed, wash & cloth other people you might re gain some respect for your mother.

And people commenting on the 4 kids - you think that the OP’s parents should have had less kids so that she can have long interrupted showers in her parents house at 23???!

You should be able to shower every day. If you live with other people, it's probably best not to spend too long in the bathroom incase someone needs the loo. We are a 'long bath' type family, but we always check whether someone will need the bathroom before hopping in for a long soak.

My oldest lives away from home and rents a room in a shared house for £400 a month plus bills and food - you might feel more comfortable doing that. If I were 24 I am not sure I would still want to live in the family home.

I know others have pointed out that you shouldn't expect your mother to work, but I do get your point; you didn't choose to be the oldest of four! I know that I couldn't have done as much for my children if I had four kids. I loved it when my mother went back to work full time - we could have some decent clothes!