To expect my husband to support me?

[pregahes]

need some advice on a recurring issue with my husband. Whenever I feel upset or wronged by someone, he always dismisses my feelings or acts like he doesn’t care. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t count on him to have my back.

For instance, during a recent long-haul flight, I put my seat back, and the person behind me kept pushing it forward. When I politely asked if I could recline my seat, she replied aggressively, supported by her husband. I called the flight attendant for assistance, and they resolved the situation.

However, my husband, who had his headphones on and missed the whole exchange, didn’t seem to care when I told him what happened. He simply shrugged it off and went back to his seat and said it isn't his problem, even though I was visibly upset and shaken by the incident.

This isn’t an isolated incident. My husband always seems to side with others instead of supporting me, leaving me feeling unsupported and alone. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take my side in situations like these? I’d appreciate any advice or perspective on how to handle this. Thanks.

Ok, but you should check first - and I’d probably not do it until I’m ready to sleep - about 10.

The fact that the O/P went on to joke and laugh with the aggressor would have boiled my piss . I think this is what the O/P is upset about .She didn't want her husband to wade in guns blazing she just wanted some concern and support like a hug .

Sorry meant O/P husband went on to laugh and joke with the aggressor

HUGE difference between possibly losing £25k and reclining an airplane seat...

@Imgoingtobefree

I think a lot of men have selfish traits ( not all ) my husband's attitude is if it doesn't affect him or it's nothing do with him he doesn't care . He will also defer to people he thinks are socially a notch above him and expects me to do the same . I worked out early on In our relationship that he likes to be seen in a good light. I used to be the one that spoke up if I thought something or someone was unfair while he just stood there looking the good guy . I've stopped doing it now. He says are you going to say something. Nope !

Someone commented on the flight being late - to clarify that was one point of a whole list of problems at the airline I would never complain about that as a standalone thing so please stop trying to paint me as difficult.

It was part of a letter to also complain about the factor transfer left us stranded because another customer had the same last name so they didn't bother notice there are two couples with the same name and left which led us to have to pay for a private transfer. We were then told we would get a refund and then got told at the airport no refund from the airline.

The flight being late is one of about ten things they screwed up on - I would not complain about that as an isolated thing if that were the case

Still not given another example of him not backing you, I see 😂

Nobody has ever asked me if they could recline their chair.

Your DH sounds a bit lame but in his defence it sounds like it's just his general personality to be very calm and not get ruffled. Which is actually a nice trait really. So at least you know it's not that he doesn't care about you, it's just that he doesn't get worked up about the same things you do. Right?

I do get the frustration at having a DH that minimises how you feel. My DH once told me I acted crazy when I was in labour and I've never really forgiven him tbh. I was treated really badly by medical staff. He had my back at the time and was great throughout, but it really hurt to hear he didn't fully empathise with what I was going through despite witnessing what a shit show it was and seeing how much pain I was in.

Yes it’s perfectly ok to complain about a flight being late, I think it was the comment they ‘didn’t speed up’ that people were wondering about.

every person knows just because you have the right does not mean you should.

precisely this, he should stick up for her in this scenario but not reclining on top of someone

OP, I have taken over 100 flights in my adult life. Not once have I ever been asked if I mind the person in front reclining their seat. DH takes around 50 flights a year and he’s never been asked either.

With respect, you are nuts.

It’s not possible to just speed up a flight.

Lunch at 3pm, heaven forbid!

My other half has similar behaviour to you sometimes.

He will point out negative things or frame things in a negative way. It’s a symptom of his mild depression. It comes and goes, and if he’s made aware of it, will make an effort to change.

My approach is, if you can’t control it, how does it benefit you to carry that negativity away from the initial event and into your life? i.e. Do you want to spend the rest of your holiday dwelling about the flight there?

He is most definitely tired of your overreactions and doesn’t want to amplify the negativity by agreeing with you.

So you recline at any time without considering the person behind you? Whether they have a beverage on their tray or are working etc.

I fly often. Nobody ever asks me if it's OK for them to recline, and I never ask if it's OK for me to do so either. I do recline slowly and carefully whenever I do (i.e. I don't just slam the seat back) because I'm not an animal.

The tray tables are usually anchored to the armrests in front and not the back of the seat, so reclining shouldn't move the table. It will close a laptop screen a little or knock over a tall bottle, but this is part of why airline-provided cups are small. I don't leave drinks unattended on tray tables anyway because they're just one big bump away from ending up all over my lap; I prefer to avoid that possibility entirely.

To all those saying it's bad manners or etiquette to recline, fuck that. I paid for the seat and it has a recline button - it's my choice to use it if I want to. That also means I don't get snotty if and when the person in front of me reclines.

If you ask a stranger who never paid for your plane ticket to recline and they say NO then what?

not speeding up the journey to be on time

That's time travel you're looking for.

I'm getting these vibes from this thread.

Europe’s most frequently flown airline is Ryanair- no reclining, nor easyJet (at least partially). So not weird at all.

I said I have never been asked.

Apologies, I misread.

You can recline your seat whenever you like outside of meal times and take off. You don’t need to ask. If the person behind wants more space then they also need to recline their seat. Or that’s what the nice flight attendant told the person behind me who was kicking my seat when I told on them.

YANBU and I don't have friends or a partner if I know they don't have my back and I theirs. To me it is just a basic thing.

It’s not about asking for permission. It’s about asking to make sure they haven’t got a drink or a laptop on their table that you are going to spill or break when you push your seat back!!!

YANBU

https://thepointsguy.com/news/laptop-destroyed-by-another-passenger-flight/

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/recline-seat-flight-plane-laptop-destroyed-broken-macbook-delta-a9368496.html

https://www.reddit.com/r/delta/comments/dwzw7y/anyone_ever_have_a_laptop_damaged_by_an/