To expect my husband to support me?

[pregahes]

need some advice on a recurring issue with my husband. Whenever I feel upset or wronged by someone, he always dismisses my feelings or acts like he doesn’t care. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t count on him to have my back.

For instance, during a recent long-haul flight, I put my seat back, and the person behind me kept pushing it forward. When I politely asked if I could recline my seat, she replied aggressively, supported by her husband. I called the flight attendant for assistance, and they resolved the situation.

However, my husband, who had his headphones on and missed the whole exchange, didn’t seem to care when I told him what happened. He simply shrugged it off and went back to his seat and said it isn't his problem, even though I was visibly upset and shaken by the incident.

This isn’t an isolated incident. My husband always seems to side with others instead of supporting me, leaving me feeling unsupported and alone. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take my side in situations like these? I’d appreciate any advice or perspective on how to handle this. Thanks.

Does MN actually allow husbands to have a contrary opinion to their wives in anything? I thought they were supposed to 'support' her, whatever their personal opinion might be!

Or he disagrees with his wife but isn't supposed to voice it!

Thank goodness most airlines don't have reclining seats anymore- it's so annoying when the person in front does this! It's just polite to sit up properly!

I get it OP. This isn't about the seat reclining. It's about wanting and needing your husband to have your back. My exH was the same. Seemed to take pleasure in it.

I agree with him!

It seems like your dh is happy just t let life happen. It seems you have different styles in terms of issues. I would absolutely be making a list of complaints, my husband would absolutely not be doing that. But we are happy together.

Are you and your dh happy in spite of these issues?

What kind of weird airlines do you fly? All airlines I fly have reclining seats.

Just because one article says it is OK doesn't mean it is. Clearly from this thread experiences differ.

Personally I would never recline my seat without checking as I think it is immensely rude to at least not check if the person has a laptop or beverage before moving their seat.

I think overall it has to do with personal space and feeling threatened.

Your husband has been totally disrespectful to you OP. I would be seriously pissed off.

I saw something elsewhere about resigning seats so that if you want to recline you have to move the seat forward, that way you would encroach only on your own space. Sounds ideal to me, although they'd have to move the trays I suppose.

Hard for strangers on the internet to comment on whether your husband is right or wrong as we only have your version of events and most things in life are never that straightforward.....

....... with the exception of whether it's ok to recline your seat on a plane.

Yes, it's technically allowed, but you are unreasonable to have not realised that it's an incredibly contentious issue and that it's very likely that the person you're reclining back into will be having negative thoughts about it and you. (unless the lights are off and its actually night time)

If you don't care about that or what people think about you, then go ahead and recline away.

@GiggleHoot do you defend and take care of him too? Adult relationships should work both ways- you should be equals. Or at least that's how I see it.

And OP- it sounds like you're very different people with very different approaches to life/tolerance levels. It's tricky because he should support you, as your partner but obviously doesn't see the issue with certain situations himself. It can be hard finding a balance between supporting someone and not just blindly agreeing with everything they say.

The vibes I'm getting exactly!

You sound kind like fun. So high and mighty teaching people how to suck eggs.

I'm not being high and mighty? I asked you a question and I'm offering OP a perspective on why it can be difficult in relationships when you have different approaches to life.

You shouldn't have given this example as MN can be like a dog with a bone and will ignore your actual issue.

I assume there are other ways you don't feel he's onside?

Are you by any chance not british and married to a british man ? I ask as British worry about not complaining more than my one eles ? I can’t for the life of me grasp why

It's always rude to recline your seat. I push back too when people do it.

We don’t recline our seats. It’s rude.

If you are on a night flight and everyone is okay to recline then this is the only exception. However, no one in my family would ever recline a seat without asking first.

Divorce your DH and find someone as rude as yourself and then you will know you can rely on him to back you up.

Did you not read the other post, he also wasn’t on side when she wanted to write a letter of complaint to the airline because her plane was late taking off and the pilot wouldn’t fly it quicker…🙄

I am middle aged and have been on many, many flights. Not once has anyone in front of me ever asked if they could recline their seat and I have never overheard anyone else doing it. It just isn’t a thing.

Me neither. You don't see a whole plane of passengers keep looking over the back of their seat to ask to put the seat down.

@MsRosley well if your husband is like mine - then you have my every sympathy.

My user name is because I’m near the end of a long and ugly divorce.
I had been unhappy for many years when I realised how unequal our relationship was, the crux was I suppose that he did not think I was his equal and I guess that’s how he justified treating me so unfairly.

I sought therapy and my therapist thought he had narcissistic traits. The more I read up on that, the more he seemed to fit the bill.

What really breaks my heart is that when we were first together I thought he was a good person. Now I am older and wiser I can see how I was manipulated from the start.

When I behaved how he wanted, he was nice to me and said all the right things. Over the years as I resented always doing the things the way he wanted and tried to stick up for myself, the gloves came off and he was as nasty as he could be. But only to me in private, and he never badmouthed me to others.

But I walked on eggshells for years and became afraid to counter anything he said. That’s not a life.

I get my state pension next year, but I refuse to look back with regrets. It’s only the future I’m interested in.

MsRosley, think long and hard what you want in life. Look up narcissistic traits (it’s not the same as the Narcissist Personality Disorder). Living with someone like this (and there won’t just be this one issue about being unsupportive), is like being the boiled frog - you don’t realise how bad it is - until you do.

Absolutely not. If I want to put my reclining seat back, then I’ll do so - I don’t need permission from someone behind me.

If you don’t want to be behind a reclined seat, fly with an airline without reclining seats, book a front row or upgrade.

You must have mislicked. Because no one sane can see how @Wooloohooloo 's post warrants that reply