To expect my husband to support me?

[pregahes]

need some advice on a recurring issue with my husband. Whenever I feel upset or wronged by someone, he always dismisses my feelings or acts like he doesn’t care. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I can’t count on him to have my back.

For instance, during a recent long-haul flight, I put my seat back, and the person behind me kept pushing it forward. When I politely asked if I could recline my seat, she replied aggressively, supported by her husband. I called the flight attendant for assistance, and they resolved the situation.

However, my husband, who had his headphones on and missed the whole exchange, didn’t seem to care when I told him what happened. He simply shrugged it off and went back to his seat and said it isn't his problem, even though I was visibly upset and shaken by the incident.

This isn’t an isolated incident. My husband always seems to side with others instead of supporting me, leaving me feeling unsupported and alone. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to take my side in situations like these? I’d appreciate any advice or perspective on how to handle this. Thanks.

You wanted to complain that the pilot didn’t fly the plane faster? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 come on, this thread has to be a wind-up

@Dacadactyl I was on a flight where someone reclined and the people behind pushed the seat up. Eventually the staff moved the lady trying to recline but not until she was in tears over the whole thing. I got the feeling it was something they see all the time and they weren't particularly sympathetic either way (it was a day flight).

Also to settle whether or not it's rude to recline your seat long haul, this article may help a few of you clear that up;

www.businessinsider.com/flight-attendants-say-okay-to-recline-your-seat-planes-2023-3#:~:text=on%20a%20Plane-,Flight%20attendants%20say%20it's%20okay%20to%20recline%20your%20seat%20on,thing%20you%20should%20never%20do&text=Insider%20surveyed%20six%20flight%20attendants,back%2C%20especially%20on%20longer%20flights.

@Hotdogity it's not a wind up! The plane was late back too but they did exactly that and that's what has always been the case when flights have been late!!

I think this is nuts too.

If you can't remember parts of what happened then they aren't worth complaining about.

You started typing a complaint list while on holiday...yes, that would annoy me too. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't just focus on enjoying the holiday.

And as for flying the plane faster? I don't have the words to comment on that!

You apparently seem to lack any comprehension that you might just possibly be wrong any given subject too then?
Flight times are published as an average. Wind speed will determine whether the plane will be above or below this estimate on the day. It has nothing to do with the pilot going deliberately faster!!

Interesting window into your attitude. People who feel that reclining is rude, don't need their opinion "clearing up" 😂 it's how they feel. Quite patronising. FWIW, I don't think the article would exist, nor describe this issue as "one of the most polarizing debates in travel" if there wasn't a huge amount people who feel the reclining is inconsiderate, and a trigger for arguments.

I fucking hate people reclining airplane seats, it's rude. I don't want your head in my lap thanks very much. So for that reason YABU.

You can recline your seat any time, without asking anyone (of course not during meals but asking beforehand any other time is ridiculous). Your husband should back you up. I’m sorry that happened to you - if I was your seat mate I’d have backed you up against those nutters.

It sounds like you get irrationally angry about small things, and then vent to your husband about it and expect him to match your energy. As a very chill person who rarely gets properly angry, I understand his perspective. Do you know how exhausting it is to have someone very highly strung trying to froth you up every time someone "slights" them in any minor way? It's very, very exhausting! I'm sorry but I just can't get my head in a tizz about small things and wouldn't be able to even if my husband was frothing about it. It might come across as uncaring but it's more just... Inability to understand why you're so bloody cross.

I think you maybe just need to learn to relax a bit to be honest. I understand being put out by some of the situations mentioned, but anger? Angry enough to try and drag my husband into the anger too? Nah. Don't get it.

www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-12144327/amp/Etiquette-experts-say-recline-seat-flight-circumstances

www.outsideonline.com/adventure-travel/advice/airplane-seats-reclining-rules/

thepointsguy.com/guide/jetiquette-reclining-airplane-seat/

www.fodors.com/news/travel-tips/dont-recline-your-plane-seat

https://www.travelandleisure.com/travel-tips/etiquette-for-reclining-seat-on-airplane

and countless articles, saying you should check with the person behind you that there is nothing on the table for you to knock off or break!!!

More like he knew you would speak up and he would look a saint while you looked like a shit . I bet he would have spoken up if you were not there .

@MonsteraMama you're right. I often expect him to match my energy or at least understand it. He never does and it upsets me.

Sorry OP, but that isn’t a ‘him’ issue. It’s a ‘you’ issue

It isn’t reasonable to expect him to have feelings on a subject at a required level to match your own

I'm sorry it upsets you. It is hard not to be able to see eye to eye with your partner. He may never be able to match your energy, but you might consider having a chat with him about why it upsets you that he doesn't even try to understand why you're upset in the first place? He might just be trying to "not get involved" when all you want is a bit of solidarity.

Either that or consider getting a therapist if you can afford it - it's their job to listen to you be angry about stuff and they won't make you feel judged or unheard.

MN loves a pile on but I understand. You want to feel supported and backed up by your partner. You want to feel that they're concerned about you, not, 'Oh well, not my problem.'

I have literally never asked anyone before l have reclined an airline seat?! It’s not that much an imposition surely; l can balance a drink / and or laptop if other people do.

He sounds like my ex husband, for the last 2-3 years of our relationship l was AKWAYS wrong. Statistically how could l be wrong every time for 5 years.

But none of that stuff bothers him! You’re fuming and drafting complaints on your phone and he’s just sitting there in relative peace getting on with his life and not fussed. I mean, if you want to complain then do it, but he doesn’t have to get involved. It’s kind of unfair to expect him to get as angry and frustrated as you were when it sounds like he was ok as he was.

Like PP have said, it's not just a case of the pilot putting his foot down to get there faster. There may be parts of the journey where they can increase their speed but only if and when it's safe and they have permission. Wind speed and direction also play a huge part in flight times and aircraft speed. It's not like driving a bus 🤣

Right I understand you would like a bit of support and he doesn’t support you when you feel annoyed with people, whereas a friend or sister would step in and say ‘what a cow!’ And make you feel better.

Just one point though, I think I have misunderstood but are you saying you expected the pilot to fly faster because you had departed late?
if so, It doesn’t work like that.

People that recline are my pet hate on long haul flights. No I don’t want you in my lap thank you very much.

you sound awful and I don’t blame your husband tbh

I never ask. I don't recline my seat on short haul and make sure my seat is always up for meals. Other than that I recline it if I feel like
It. To be honest nobody has ever asked me
If it's on to recline.

Get a life.

Your husband should have your back and as someone who works in the airline industry, I can tell you now that there is no issue with reclining outside of meal times - particularly on long haul flights. No one has ever asked me and I fly quite often. The only people saying you need to ask either only fly short haul, don’t fly (often) or are trying to appear saintly. Makes me vomit.

My husband is marvellous. We are two peas in a pod and he defends/takes care of me. It’s nice to be treated like a lady and be respected. If I were the Op I’d leave.