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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Married to a rich older man - feel conflicted

303 replies

chalkandpen · 22/03/2024 20:51

Please don't flame me - first time poster and I have 2 under 2 so quite sleep deprived.

I am 30, married to my DH, 42 We have two sons: DS 20 months, DS 2 1 month.

I love my DH and we've been together since I was 27. However I've been feeling a bit conflicted recently about aspects of our marriage / life.

He is from a very posh, well-off family. Meanwhile I am from a happy lower-middle-class family in Scotland.

We met in London - originally because I rented from his ex-wife's family (!) and then through some work we did on a local committee together. We just clicked and our relationship came very naturally. He was more worried than me of the optics - he was v aware of the age gap and was conscious that others might think he was taking advantage of me. However, we really were drawn to each other, both wanted a family, & started our lives together.

Since then ... we've had so many comments about me being a golddigger, , him getting 'banter' about being with a younger woman, suggestions it's a very transactional relationship (me giving him the children he wanted, him giving me money and a house). I've found it hard to integrate with members of his family, and although my family love him, my sisters have expressed envy / jealousy of how much easier my life is now because of him.

Also we do have some differing opinions - he is def. more right of centre politically, I am left-wing, he assumes our children should have a nanny / private school etc. He also wants to pay for things for me - fancy meals etc - and I['m worried about looking like a trophy wife.

AIBU to feel weird or out of place? His first wife - who he is still good friends with - is also private school, oxbridge, high-flier, & sometimes I think I'm just not 'right' in this relationship, even though we love each other.

OP posts:
PrincessOlga · 29/03/2024 17:07

Forgot to add: if you are against a private school, maybe suggest that DC go to a state school, but can get expensive things like music/tennis lessons with an expert teacher so you are spending wealth in the local community, rather than giving to an institution?

Bellyblueboy · 29/03/2024 18:27

The age gap isn’t huge!! From the title I thought you would be 25 and he would be in his fifties 😂😂😂

Delphiniumandlupins · 29/03/2024 18:45

My DF was 12 years older than my DM - he still ended up nursing her for several years and a widower for 13. I don't think any of our friends or family saw any difference between them.

Don't doubt yourself, or your worth. If people are rude remind yourself that is their issue. You and your DC will have some benefits in life due to your partner's wealth but that is less important than health, happiness and good values.

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