To be annoyed DH has planned a boys trip the weekend of DD’s birthday!

[LimeLemur]

DH has organised for 3 of his mates to come and stay with us for a boys weekend. We definitely discussed this happening and he is now telling me I okayed the dates with him, but I have no recollection of that. Also, I wouldn’t have okayed 3 men coming to stay at ours for a boys weekend on our daughters birthday weekend. I’m wracking my brains as to how this mix up could have happened and can only think that he may have said “my mates are coming on the 24th” and I’ve okayed it not realising they are staying until the 27th (the Monday - DD’s birthday). I’m annoyed at DH and he thinks I’m being completely unreasonable. But I’m upset because why on earth would he arrange to have them her until that date! TBH, I think having a boys weekend that weekend is totally thoughtless to DD who will be turning 8, and even worse that they’ll all be staying at our place.

DH is now annoyed at me saying that he checked this with me in advance, but like I said, I have no memory of this. We live overseas and his mates have all booked their flights so it can’t be cancelled or changed and I’m gutted!! AIBU???

Tell them to stay at a hotel and not to expect you to be the hotel. How cheap are they, do not cook for them or cater for them at all. Just plan your daughter's birthday and try to have the best day for her. Make sure you have some pals coming to stay in the future also. Men are so selfish sometimes.

How hospitable you sound! These are the husbands old friends who are making the trip to visit him. They and indeed the husband have done nothing wrong, why should they be punished? And talk about double standards, she is to insist on the husbands friends staying in a hotel, not being hosted for a meal even but the woman's friends are to be welcomed with open arms.

So when my friends invite me to stay with them, I'm being cheap? I'm supposed to say 'no no, I must stay on a hotel'?

I'd be so sad if I invited friends to stay with me (friends I hadn't seen for two years, even) and they said they'd rather stay in on a hotel.

You're only accusing the friends of being cheap because they're male.

I don’t think hangover automatically equals grumpy and shouty. Certainly doesn’t for me. It’s likely to be 2 days after the drinking, yeh he may still feel rough but surely he will be able to function well enough to get on with behaving nicely

Presumably the DH offered to let them stay at their house, that presumably is owned and paid for jointly, what with them already buying flights to go see their friend.

OP had already agreed that aspect of it, it's the dates that are the issue. We have spare bedrooms and I'm always happy for either DHs or my friends to use them except one particular couple who outstayed their welcome

I'm sure these friends don't expect OP to be some sort of Stepford wife with cooked breakfasts and meals, and again OP never said that this was likely to be an issue.

Honestly cannot understand the issue here. Yes it’s a tad poorly planned and another weekend would’ve been better, but he’s only human! And if he hasn’t seen these particular friends in years, are you not at all pleased for him?
These things happen, but it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme. Just do a nice dinner on the Monday eve and then if you want to have a party do it the weekend after.

Why should the whole weekend before her birthday revolve around your child. The clues in the name..

How do you define one hell of a bender? Because I’m going to be honest, if you mean what I think you mean (drink and drugs and up partying all night) then I categorically, birthday or no birthday, would allow them to stay in my house with my 7/8 year old child there.

This would be a far bigger concern than the birthday which is actually the day after they leave anyway.

People are just randomly making things up to support their narrative.

OP never mentioned drugs, she talked about drinking and being hungover, but drugs are a whole different ball game - and illegal obviously- so I think she might have said if they were involved.

This is mumsnet, tbh one hell of a bender to half the people on here will be 2 pints, some pork scratching and staying up past midnight.

Nobody mentioned drugs so stop being melodramatic.

Any time a man is meeting his mates MN now automatically assumes it also includes cocaine!

Some of the replies here are disgusting. Telling OP she's been gaslit because of what sounds like a fairly basic misunderstanding (OP didn't even know what day they were going back at first!) Or telling her to go out of her way to make these men feel uncomfortable/ruin the reunion weekend of 4 friends who haven't seen each other for a while and have to make plans to fly in from different countries...

Imagine the reverse "My DH and I had a minor misunderstanding about when my friends were coming from abroad. They came last weekend and it was insert something important on the Monday. Our plans wouldn't have affected the Monday but DH thought I should have kept that weekend clear as well and so he went out of his way to make them uncomfortable. He played video games full blast, watched the footie and hung his team colours everywhere and huffed when we asked him to grab us a bottle whilst he was in the kitchen" - OP would have been roundly told to LTB

There was nothing planned for the weekend, her birthday isn't whilst they are there and they can make plans for the weekend after instead now there are plans for the weekend before. Simple

Its a birthDAY not a weekend 🙄

Agree. Honestly, it's hard enough to find dates friends can get together, am sure you can work around it! Do something lovely with your DD that weekend away from the house then make plans the weekend after her birthday too to celebrate with Dad

Call me crazy, but I’d be expecting him to go elsewhere, like an Airbnb as a pp mentioned, to get hammered with his mates. My DH recently went back to his home town with ‘the lads’ for a boozed up weekend. I would not appreciate 4 blokes getting shitfaced then coming back to mine. For their enjoyment, wouldn’t they prefer a hotel/Airbnb?

Are people missing the point that this is a boy's weekend organised by other people who wouldn't give a shit about some kid's birthday? They've undoubtedly arranged it based on their availability, asked if it's ok with your husband, he says he discussed it with you which you remember and unless you truly believe he's just an arsehole there's probably been some crossed wires.

I think the compromise like others have said is that they (and husband) stay elsewhere, and that you have an after school tea party on her birthday and a party the weekend after, like anyone else would.

I think you’re missing the point that there is no kids birthday party arranged, the actual birthday is the Monday after the friends have all left and there’s no need whatsoever for them to stay elsewhere even in your very own plan of a party the following weekend…