To be annoyed DH has planned a boys trip the weekend of DD’s birthday!

[LimeLemur]

DH has organised for 3 of his mates to come and stay with us for a boys weekend. We definitely discussed this happening and he is now telling me I okayed the dates with him, but I have no recollection of that. Also, I wouldn’t have okayed 3 men coming to stay at ours for a boys weekend on our daughters birthday weekend. I’m wracking my brains as to how this mix up could have happened and can only think that he may have said “my mates are coming on the 24th” and I’ve okayed it not realising they are staying until the 27th (the Monday - DD’s birthday). I’m annoyed at DH and he thinks I’m being completely unreasonable. But I’m upset because why on earth would he arrange to have them her until that date! TBH, I think having a boys weekend that weekend is totally thoughtless to DD who will be turning 8, and even worse that they’ll all be staying at our place.

DH is now annoyed at me saying that he checked this with me in advance, but like I said, I have no memory of this. We live overseas and his mates have all booked their flights so it can’t be cancelled or changed and I’m gutted!! AIBU???

This...her birthday is one day, card, present, activity, party, possibly. Why on earth is it anything more.
Sorry, I've never got the overhyping of birthdays.
Her dad's visitors are beforehand. What's the issue🤷‍♀️?

Such a fuss about nothing. I was away with work last year for both of my children's birthdays and didn't even think of them when the dates were being booked. And I am a very conscientious and loving parent all year round. I just don't feel the need for a week long festival of celebration every time one of them changes age.

Honestly, some people make family life sound so dreary and joyless and confining, it's no wonder people chafe against it and younger people are increasingly choosing not to couple up or have children.

He shouldn't have needed to ask you. It is obviously not the weekend for it.

Why? The birthday isn’t until the Monday and there’s no plans the weekend before, I don’t see what the drama is about.

@Snugglemonkey does that discount the one after too?
I would just say to dh make sure you are not hungover Monday for our dd birthday and leave him to adult.

Lots of people make an occasion of birthdays. Everyone I know does. I would never make any kind of arrangements around my children's birthdays until all the plans for the birthday are in place. I would expect the same of their father.

I cannot see the issue at all, to be honest. Her birthday is on the Monday - so have her main party the weekend after, not the weekend before. They leave on Sunday, so it is unlikely he will be hungover on Monday, even if it is a "bender". It is not a major birthday, and I think you are being way OTT over this. Your daughter is unlikely to care. How many parents on here have a whole weekend to celebrate before their DC birthdays? I know my child did not get that sort of deal!

He’s not seen his friends for a few years, and you’re wanting to ruin his weekend. YABU. My DH hasn’t seen his friends for two years. He’s going on a boys’ golfing trip this year which just happens to fall on our wedding anniversary. He goes with my blessing.

You are creating a problem where there isn't one.

You didn't have any plans.

It's not her birthday while they are there.

You can celebrate on the day.

You can celebrate the following weekend.

He hasn't seen his friends in 2 years.

Thus seems like you are spoiling for a fight when there's no basis for one.

Doesn't your husband know when his daughters birthday is?

YANBU.

Can the mates help celebrate and make her birthday special and then have the full birthday weekend celebrations the weekend after her birthday?

What exactly suggests he does not? The friends are leaving the day before the DD’s birthday…

If they are leaving on the Sunday, they will be gone before your daughter’s birthday on the Monday then?

The fact that the weekend they'd be celebrating as her birthday is on a weekday, he's arranged for his mates to come 🤷‍♀️

It's pretty much common sense that the party/day out etc would be that weekend.

Sorry OP, I'm with @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees and others. If there are no actual concrete plans and the bday is Monday I don't see the issue. Tbh I'd be tempted, (if funds allow) to take DD away for the Saturday night and have a fun girls night, even takeaway at a cheapie hotel, play board games, do facemasks or whatever she's into and go out for a nice brunch together and day until the menfolk have gone (and DH has tidied and cleaned in thier wake!?) Turn it into an opportunity if you really want.

To be fair to him arranging dates with multiple people is hard work so they are limited.

It isn't her actual birthday, they will be gone by then so you can do something nice on the day and have a party the following weekend if you wanted to.

As long as he's capable of being a functioning human being for her birthday I wouldn't be too bothered, mildly irritated probably but I wouldn't be having them to stay in the first place if I was around. A few hours, fine, a night or more? No no no!

I would not plans either side before sorting out my child.

Nor me.

I can't believe that a pp has told OP to phone his friends and tell them not to book their flights and that 'changing time off is easy'. I'm glad it is in her world, but in many people's it isn't. Not to mention going over a partner's head like that is easy worse than what he's done.

There's clearly been a communication failure, but they leave the day before the birthday, so I don't get the fury.

@Snugglemonkey I just think why make life unnecessarily complicated? Could you just not have a party the weekend after as the husband has plans. Embrace them rather than make an issue out of it.

Agree to disagree there. OP has said they don’t actually have any plans and she originally agreed the date! So no, not common sense. Celebrations can just as easily be had on the day of her birthday and the following weekend.

He must cancel

I would in this situation, but I would also think less of him for having done it in the first place.

YANBU at all. He needs to cancel and rearrange the weekend, obviously. Extremely thoughtless.

He is suggesting having 3 men staying in the house when you have children? What????

Can you do a family meal the day of her birthday, a party the weekend after and on the boys weekend you and her do something special together.

its maybe not ideal but it’s not terrible and you can make it work. I wouldn’t make them change date