To be annoyed DH has planned a boys trip the weekend of DD’s birthday!

[LimeLemur]

DH has organised for 3 of his mates to come and stay with us for a boys weekend. We definitely discussed this happening and he is now telling me I okayed the dates with him, but I have no recollection of that. Also, I wouldn’t have okayed 3 men coming to stay at ours for a boys weekend on our daughters birthday weekend. I’m wracking my brains as to how this mix up could have happened and can only think that he may have said “my mates are coming on the 24th” and I’ve okayed it not realising they are staying until the 27th (the Monday - DD’s birthday). I’m annoyed at DH and he thinks I’m being completely unreasonable. But I’m upset because why on earth would he arrange to have them her until that date! TBH, I think having a boys weekend that weekend is totally thoughtless to DD who will be turning 8, and even worse that they’ll all be staying at our place.

DH is now annoyed at me saying that he checked this with me in advance, but like I said, I have no memory of this. We live overseas and his mates have all booked their flights so it can’t be cancelled or changed and I’m gutted!! AIBU???

It’s very thoughtless of him.

He's being unreasonable not you, very selfish of him. Tell him they can all book Into a hotel for the weekend

I mean even if you had said ok without thinking, what kind of idiot plans a mates weekend the weekend on their child’s birthday.

Like happy birthday princess hope you had a lovely weekend before your Monday birthday of daddy and his laddy mates getting pissed and taking over the house kiss kiss cuddle bye bye sweetie have a good day at school 😂

He’s just called me back and clarified that they are actually leaving on the Sunday and he has double checked and they haven’t booked flights but they have organised their leave from work.

I think he should tell them he now can’t do that weekend. He has said “it’s not that simple”

It is. But he just doesn’t want to be the meanie spoiling the lads time. Sod doing anything for his daughter though 🙄

He’s probably embarrassed to admit that he forgot his DD’s birthday, so he doesn’t want to cancel.

Honestly I wouldn’t think to keep the weekend before my DC’s midweek birthday free. If there’s a day trip or something you have in mind, or her party, can’t you just as easily do that the weekend after? And they’re leaving that day so you can still do a family dinner or whatever you like in the evening, since she’ll presumably be at school in the day not sure how it really changes anything. I know all families have their own traditions so IDK maybe I’m missing something.

would you generally have made plans for celebrating your dd’s birthday on that weekend ahead of her actual birthday?

if yes, then he absolutely should cancel.
if no, then you are being unreasonable

Have you ask him what he is planning to tell DD about her birthday weekend if she asks to go out and do something or have a party?

So are the coming on the Monday - your daughters birthday and stay until Wednesday? Have a read that right ?, if so I would tell your husband that you expect him to be home to party with daughter, his friends can join in or bugger off, but during the day it’s daughters birthday until she goes to bed, and should be there, what happens the rest of the time is fine, just don’t make her birthday about him and his friends

Contact them yourself and tell them not to book flights. It's usually easy to cancel or change annual leave from work.

I wouldn't want to host 3 men for the weekend just before my child's birthday, I would be keeping it free for birthday events and prep.

I think if he insists on doing it that weekend they should get an airbnb and split the cost between them. to be fair they should do that anyway whenever it is they come

No they are coming on Friday and leaving on Sunday. Daughters birthday is on Monday.

So honestly unless you've already booked a party for her on the weekend I don't see the issue.

You can celebrate her birthday on her actual birthday, with her family, by which time the "boys" will be gone. You could do something just a with her i.e. a girls treat on the Sunday while her dad is with his friends (or with one of her friends or your wider family) and then something else with you, her, and him (and any other siblings) the following weekend if you wanted.

She's only 8, you don't need to reserve 3 days either side of her birthday for an extended celebration. Clue is in the name, birthDAY.

What have you got planned that weekend for her birthday?

And what does a boys weekend when they're at yours look like?

I can be petty. I could make the entire weekend the festival of the daughter. Pink streamers, pink balloons, pink rosettes on each door handle, pink desserts for every meal. And as many girlie playdates as I could schedule.

And I would include a trip to the coffee shop at some point for me. But, I can be petty.

For me it would depend on what you're actually planning on doing for her birthday. Party already booked that weekend? Then I'd be pissed off. No actual plans then shrug. My soon to be 6 year old will be having a party at least 8 days after her actual birthday because we (including her and her sibling) are all camping with the Scout Group the closest weekend. Can't do the weekend before because of other plans.

She's happy as she'll get cake on her actual birthday, cake at camp and then cake at her party. Although in our house thanks to Lockdown, "birthday month" is a thing so ...

THIS! OP, clear your Thursday to decorate ;)

I’d be making it VERY clear that he gets their rooms ready, does all the meals and cleans up/does the laundry afterwards.

You are not a hotel.

As someone who lives overseas, I’d love friends to visit. I’d not be putting off visitors just because they’re leaving the day before an 8th birthday. They leave on Sunday; presumably you can have dinner etc together that evening. As well as the actual birthday. As someone said, take your DD out on the Sat or Sun whilst your DH is with his friends.

We haven’t planned her party yet. I think another issue is I know he’ll be exhausted and hungover on the Monday. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don’t think that’s fair to DD.

LOVE this idea!! 😂

I don't really see the big deal - but we usually choose whichever of the two weekends around our children's birthday as their party or celebration day is more convenient. So can't you do that - i.e celebrate the weekend following her birthday as well as on her birthday itself when they aren't there?

I think it's this.