To be annoyed DH has planned a boys trip the weekend of DD’s birthday!

[LimeLemur]

DH has organised for 3 of his mates to come and stay with us for a boys weekend. We definitely discussed this happening and he is now telling me I okayed the dates with him, but I have no recollection of that. Also, I wouldn’t have okayed 3 men coming to stay at ours for a boys weekend on our daughters birthday weekend. I’m wracking my brains as to how this mix up could have happened and can only think that he may have said “my mates are coming on the 24th” and I’ve okayed it not realising they are staying until the 27th (the Monday - DD’s birthday). I’m annoyed at DH and he thinks I’m being completely unreasonable. But I’m upset because why on earth would he arrange to have them her until that date! TBH, I think having a boys weekend that weekend is totally thoughtless to DD who will be turning 8, and even worse that they’ll all be staying at our place.

DH is now annoyed at me saying that he checked this with me in advance, but like I said, I have no memory of this. We live overseas and his mates have all booked their flights so it can’t be cancelled or changed and I’m gutted!! AIBU???

So the sat/Sunday before her birthday is the closest weekend to her birthday. That’s her birthday weekend.

Clearly the OP thinks the same!

Truthful. I wouldn’t put up with the bullshit.

But me and many many others have said it could fall on the following weekend. Maybe thr DH thinks that too?

There were no plans. Its a none issue.

Maybe he should of had a proper conversation then when it includes his kid.

Instead of worrying about me, myself and I on his daughters weekend.

I’m bowing out of this now. It’s utter nonsense. Have an early birthday surprise with the friends there and make the kid feel special. Take DD out for a ‘spa day’ to get ready for her birthday on the Monday.

All these princesses who think you need a fucking birthday week are ridiculous. OP cares far more about this than DD will.

I’m honestly shocked at this and other responses. Neither my dh nor my ddad or dfil would have ever considered getting hammered with their mates around their dc’s birthday. They all liked to make the most of the excitement and joy and prolong the occasion as much as possible. As for bringing a load of drunk people into their dc’s home - wouldn’t happen. And if dd or ds asks dh to do something, he generally does it. As his dad unhesitatingly did for him because he was taught that dc come first. Given the responses on this thread that may be unusual but it’s how both dh and I were raised and have chosen to raise our dc.

I think this just reveals very different attitudes to birthdays.

To me - a birthday is a day. A nice day where we do nice things and have cake. If that day is a weekday, we might nominate a nearby Saturday or Sunday for the celebration and just have a mini family thing on the day itself. I think my kids have lovely celebrations.

But it's not a whole week or weekends thing. We continue to plan other things in the days around their birthdays

@SchoolQuestionnaire "I’m honestly shocked at this and other responses. Neither my dh nor my ddad or dfil would have ever considered getting hammered with their mates around their dc’s birthday. They all liked to make the most of the excitement and joy and prolong the occasion as much as possible. As for bringing a load of drunk people into their dc’s home - wouldn’t happen. And if dd or ds asks dh to do something, he generally does it. As his dad unhesitatingly did for him because he was taught that dc come first. Given the responses on this thread that may be unusual but it’s how both dh and I were raised and have chosen to raise our dc."

It's not a load of drunk people rustled up from the pub or Al Anon , it's the DH having his close friends- who he hasn't seen for two years - to stay for the weekend. Should adults relinquish all friendships then until their DCs are grown up, or not have them to stay in case they might- likely at nighttime when DCs won't see them anyway- be inebriated.

And I get a DCs birthday is special but no party had been booked and he will be there on the day of the birthday .

This all seems a bit bonkers. It’s not her birthday until the Monday, when his friends are gone.

Celebrate on the Monday, before school and afterwards, and either have an after school party or have it on the Saturday afterwards.

I think I put my DC’s first in life, but the whole “birthday week” thing is a bit cringe. She is at 8 year old child, not an social media influencer who needs to drag it out for a week to get attention. Unless you are?

Totally agree, it has an air of the kind of mindset of thinking other people can’t get married in the same year/month as them or that peoples babies will upstage them as weddings, you can see where these kind of ridiculous ideas get put into kids and then adults heads from some of the replies on here.

Saved me typing it.

Thank you I'm very flattered ⭐🥳⭐

👋🥳👍

Anyone who's tried to organise a weekend abroad with friends will recognise how hard it will have been for DH to plan this. He will have been largely restricted by his friends' availability. This might well have been the only weekend that they could all manage and get the Friday off for to fly out. This isn't just about one person. This is four people who haven't met up for two years, and who all have other commitments in their lives. It's not up to DH to ' just choose another weekend'.

The weekend after could have as much have been deemed to be her "birthday weekend". So do you need to avoid planning anything for 2 weekends for a single birthday?

I strongly suspected that when DH said he'd checked with OP before agreeing the date he said something like "do we have any plans for x weekend?" and OP said "no". Because they didn't have any plans. So he went ahead and booked it.

If this is definitely a huge bender then he should move it. Or go tell his child daddy is going to be a grumpy shouty man who doesn’t want to be nice to her on her birthday because it’s just not that special. That is exactly how simple it is.

Both dh and I have managed to sustain adult friendships without bringing drunk folk back to our home after a boozy night. We’ve also managed to celebrate our dc’s birthdays over two weekends (easily done when you have lots of family wanting to see the dc) without alienating ourselves. These things are not mutually exclusive.

Truthfully I don’t know anyone with dc who would have friends back in these circumstances. They would go away and book a hotel if the objective was to get smashed. But having read the responses I accept that this isn’t out of the ordinary in other households. It still isn’t something I’d be accepting of which is my prerogative.

Would you and DD enjoy your own weekend away on those dates? Leave DH out.

Book a trip for you and DD. Nice Hotel with pool. Excursions, cream teas, etc

It's an 8 yr old's birthday. Were you planning to celebrate on that particular weekend, with meal/tea/outing? Did you say this to DH If not, for goodness sake just move on. Your DD can have a nice time on her actual birthday or another nominated day. Storm in a birthday cake.

No, she sounds normal. It's a child's birthday, not the Coronation.

This implies that the Dad has done something heinous to the daughter which the family has to make up for by spoiling and treating her. He has done nothing wrong so far as I can see, he is having a fun and precious weekend with old friends, they'll go on a Sunday, family cake/celebration or whatever on the Monday, party or outing if there is one the following weekend. The daughter is one member of the family, not the centre of the universe and its a bloody birthday, we all have them!

But what is he offering to contribute to his daughter's celebrations on whatever day? Or is that just Mum's job?

Who knows, mum hasn’t arranged anything either yet so it’s a moot point.

Why on earth is there any need to do that when they can simply mark the day on the Monday and then do something the following weekend, talk about making a drama out of nothing.