Am I being unreasonable - I don’t actually like people

[CaterhamReconstituted]

I’ve been feeling this way for a while, a kind of permanent low anxiety, and I think I’ve figured out what it is - I don’t think I actually like being around people.

I mean, I like some people more than others, I’m not socially inept, I get on with people and I have friends and family. I don’t live alone. I enjoy company sometimes. But I like being on my own a lot more than I like being with other people. I get irritated by little things that people do or say that are probably quite innocuous. I never say anything, but I get this rising feeling of disdain bubbling away inside me.

I crave being on my own it, and sometimes I will carve out time for it. It’s not always easy. I never feel lonely on my own. I’m even considering going on holiday on my own, even though Ive never done it before, and some people may find that a bit weird.

Im nearly 40 so I’ve pretty much become the person I am and I’ve come to terms with that. But I’m not sure if there is something “wrong” with me or not.

This exactly.

Im very much the same. People in general give me social anxiety. I have been told off councillors that the more i socialise the better i will get..ive come to realise i dont actually want to get "better". Socialising isnt something i massively enjoy. I like to be around my very small circle of loved and trusted people but thats it. I really enjoy my own company and find being at work and needing to communicate mentally draining. Ive come to accept that this is what makes me happy and its how i am. I no longer socialise to please other people when it doesnt please me

Could it have something to do with the fact that more introverted people are made out to be anti social and boring and outcast compared to the fun extroverts, so when there’s a thread about introverts that people relate to that makes them feel more normal they gravitate to it?

Like anything in life, when you’re made to feel like an odd ball by people who don’t understand it then this kind of thing will happen. I think I’ve only commented on two of these threads myself though. I’ve been here about 3 years and don’t see them daily.

But then by posting threads they're seeking validation from other people which you apparently have an issue with.

Yes, I suppose in a way, but there’s a difference between that and chronically seeking validation. They’re finding like minded people to vent with, that’s the difference, really. I suppose no matter what anyone says, people will always find a way to twist things you say when I feel like it’s obvious what is being expressed. People really aren’t weird or anti social for not liking constantly being around people. They’re allowed to not have much faith in humans in general, it’s pretty common and shaped by genetics and personal experience.

@YoureALizardHarry11

Could it have something to do with the fact that more introverted people are made out to be anti social and boring and outcast compared to the fun extroverts, so when there’s a thread about introverts that people relate to that makes them feel more normal they gravitate to it?

I mean sure yes, but the whole debate seems very unbalanced to me. It seems like this narrative is very much driven by the socially anxious who define themselves in opposition to the less socially anxious and they seem to see everything as a conspiracy against them.

I don’t have a dog in this fight: I am probably ambivert: I definitely need time on my own away from people and need my space but I don’t suffer social anxiety and don’t find socialising particularly difficult.

But it does strike me that the socially anxious “people haters” are the ones defining the narrative and posting endlessly about it.

They perceive themselves to be somehow victimised by hated “extroverts” as if the extroverts are out to get them but it’s not the extroverts who post thread after thread seeking validation for the fact they hate people and who constantly posit the introverts as needy or lacking in self esteem.

You say introverts are made out to be antisocial and boring but I don’t see that. Socially comfortable people don’t bother commenting on this and they don’t seek validation for themselves in the same way: they crack on witH it. You don’t see threads on here from people who enjoy socialising saying: “Aren’t introverts dull?”

It’s self identified “introverts” (and I use the term in inverted commas because I think it’s misleading) who are the ones who keep this debate going banging on about how much they “hate people”.

I describe myself as an outgoing introvert; I like being around people but I need to be alone to recharge and I’m never bored or lonely by myself. As I get older I do make the effort to participate in social events even if I don’t want to because I agree it’s healthy for older age to be engaged to some degree

I don't think anybody is saying it's weird. It's actually quite common. But often it comes across with an air of superiority, that they're much too deep to waste time on such a mundane thing like socialising. Quite frankly I find THAT type of personality pretty tiresome!

I’m not in any way socially anxious, when I’m in the mood to be around people I’m easy to talk to etc, I’m not scared or shy, just from years of experience of how people are, slagging people off to me, bullying others, snide remarks, bragging, doing down others achievements etc, I just can’t be bothered to be around people most of the time because I don’t feel the same need to act that way and I find it all a bit pathetic.

It’s just an observation. I mean, we’re all judgemental to a degree but it just exhausts me. That’s why I pick my small circle carefully, groups are the worst

I am going to buck the trend of this thread by saying I like most people, enjoy meeting new people and am still trying to make new friends at past 50! I am a big joiner and always joining things and doing stuff with strangers I have a long running thread on it somewhere. But I also do solo holidays and long solo walks too.

Just felt I had to say that so there is someone saying they like people😊

But introverts DO socialise 😂 just with individuals
rather than groups, we prefer meaningful relationships rather than superficial connections and we often feel drained after a day of being chatty all day, that’s the only difference. Sorry I didn’t see your post at first

Despite being a somewhat extrovert and liking most people, I have been going on solo holidays since my 20s. Its really not as weird or unusual as people think it is.
This idea that the only meaningful relationship can be with your husband and DC is alien to me.
Maybe my husband and DC aren't as fascinating as everyone else's? Either way, I don't want all my emotional eggs in one basket.

YANBU. I despise people. And dogs. I have nothing but contempt for people with dogs. Don't even get me started on people on horses.

I'm begging you to stay away from me.

I certainly will @peakygold. I don't have much use for people who despise all people, while not recognising they themselves are people. It's like people who complain about traffic while driving in the same traffic!

Oh, I adore dogs too. Though I have none of my own.

we prefer meaningful relationships rather than superficial connections

This bitchy little passive-aggressive comment says it all I think. Do you honestly think that ‘non-introverts’ don’t make meaningful connections?

I am now wondering why you have met so many unpleasant people in your life and whether some introspection is needed. I meet people who are generally warm, open-minded, would call out bullying and who are not nasty at all. Quite the opposite. But I think that because I am actually a pretty decent, welcoming and helpful person. Could it be the vibes you give off and the company you keep?

MN is disproportionately full of misanthropes, paranoiacs, people with social anxiety and people scared of school gate mums. And I am not saying you are any of these, OP, but in general, these threads are full of miseries. There's one every day saying how much they hate everyone, but they never consider that other people may hate them.

Not RTFT, but have we had "My DH Is my best friend and I need no one else now or ever!" yet?

I didn’t say extroverts don’t like meaningful connections and it wasn’t meant to be passive aggressive at all, what I meant was extroverts tend to be social butterflies (nothing wrong with that) and can happily have superficial chats etc more. As I said, whatever is said people find offence in it I suppose

I don't agree that extroverts are social butterflies. Maybe they just don't think everyone is out to get them. We are not Julius Caesar at the ides of March. In real life, most people are not thinking about anyone else. They are thinking about their mortgage.

This bitchy little passive-aggressive comment says it all I think. Do you honestly think that ‘non-introverts’ don’t make meaningful connections?

This absolutely. It's the presumed superiority of the introvert and the assumption that people who are better at socialising are automatically trite and shallow "people collecters".

Why is it the only introverts are believed to have been given the gift of "meaningful connection"? There are plenty of sociable people who are capable of building deep, meaningful and long-lasting friendships. There's no correlation whatsoever between your sociability and your ability to build strong bonds.

It's just a comforting narrative that the socially awkward tell themselves to give themselves a feeling of false superiority: we may not be very good at holding our own at parties but at least we have "meaningful" relationships. Fine if you want to tell yourselves this but you can't then talk, apparently with a straight face, about being "people haters".

I prefer the company of animals to people and its not because I can't communicate with humans. I find animals more wholesome and honest.

Yes I've read similar studies to this.

I think perhaps there are some people on here that dont realise they are autistic.

I do wonder how some of these misanthropes are bringing up their children. Poor kids.

I know one true introvert. Who is the least misanthropic of people. They are not interchangeable terms.