Am I being unreasonable - I don’t actually like people

[CaterhamReconstituted]

I’ve been feeling this way for a while, a kind of permanent low anxiety, and I think I’ve figured out what it is - I don’t think I actually like being around people.

I mean, I like some people more than others, I’m not socially inept, I get on with people and I have friends and family. I don’t live alone. I enjoy company sometimes. But I like being on my own a lot more than I like being with other people. I get irritated by little things that people do or say that are probably quite innocuous. I never say anything, but I get this rising feeling of disdain bubbling away inside me.

I crave being on my own it, and sometimes I will carve out time for it. It’s not always easy. I never feel lonely on my own. I’m even considering going on holiday on my own, even though Ive never done it before, and some people may find that a bit weird.

Im nearly 40 so I’ve pretty much become the person I am and I’ve come to terms with that. But I’m not sure if there is something “wrong” with me or not.

It’s true though, life is full of people trying to compete with each other and I can’t be doing with it. I’m secure in myself and most people seem to constantly need validation and attention and bring others down. I’m not a dude, by the way.

@YoureALizardHarry11 I know what you mean about this. We seem to be living in a very judgey world and when you do want to form genuine friendships it can hard. Okay if you just want to go out on the lash and be silly but much harder to make decent fun and deep friendships. I don't think they are easy to find post 40 tbh. Giving up drinking definitely knocked down my social life but also maybe showed me that my friendship weren't what I thought they were. Which again knocks your faith in people... it's a vicious cycle!

This is the kind of attitude I find weird. Why do you think you're superior and everyone else is the problem?

I don’t know where you’re finding these people, because most people are decent and not the way you describe.

It seems so incredibly sweeping and actually kind of arrogant to flatly condemn mankind. Are you looking for the worst in people? Talk about bringing others down. Have you thought maybe you’re not the greatest either?

The majority of people I meet are not perfect of course but are generally supportive of others, able to celebrate other people’s wins, and secure enough to not require constant validation. If the people around you are genuinely so terrible maybe you just need to look further afield. Or don’t, your prerogative, nothing wrong with wanting to be by yourself, but no need to go round telling everyone else they’re shit.

It’s not that I ‘’hate’’ people as an individuals, I value deep and meaningful friendships a lot, and I try my best to avoid judging people individually as everyone is flawed and has history etc, but generally there’s a lot of judgment, competition and bitchiness which I find pathetic but its part of the human condition. I just don’t give a shit about that kind of crap. I just get on with my own life and don’t concern myself with other people as much as possible. I have my group but I’m not really bothered about being liked. That’s what I meant.

There are lovely people out there but people are overly concerned with being liked and validated. I think the internet has made it worse. I just can’t be arsed to engage with a lot of people like that. I think that’s what people mean by not liking people, they don’t mean individuals, they’re talking collectively.

Completely agree, SM has so much to answer for.

I don’t think I’m superior per se, I don’t think I’m better than other people, that’s the whole point. I try not to judge individuals but a lot of people do. A lot of people are busy gossiping and bitching about other people because theyre trying to make themselves feel better. I don’t like doing that so i keep my circle small so i come across less drama 🤣 Im not judging on an individual level, more a societal level and that’s what people mean when they say they hate people.

But you're looking down on people who apparently spend their days "bitching and gossiping".

I have lots of friends and like people in general but I don't come across any drama in my life. I think you get out what you put in personally.

I mean, i dunno, maybe growing up with a disability and studying social psychology has shaped my view and enabled me to see how people crave getting themselves one step ahead on the social ladder. Humans are competitive, all of us to some degree. I just try and stay away from people trying to get ahead by stepping on others. Like I said SM has made it worse.

*they can tell themselves that they are better than others

I’m very discerning*

😂😂😂

See, even you’re trying to pick apart my post when it was perfectly obvious what I meant and other people could understand 😁I mean I’m careful with a small group of friends, and I totally understand why people feel like they dislike people, or more being around groups and finding it exhausting

The amazing thing about self-identified introverts is that they all seem to be under the impression that they are saying something controversial, unusual and brave, even though the internet is bulging with people going on about how much they hate people and how much better it is to spend your life alone.

I think people identify as introverts because admitting that they are addicted to screens and have let their social skills wither since COVID is embarrassing.

YANBU

Even if the world only had all the people I really like in it, I'd still absolutely bloody love holidays on my own!

You'd wouldn't think that if about someone if they saved you or your child's etc life.

This. Odd thread.

That’s the point people are missing though, I don’t ‘’go around telling other people they’re shit’’ I like individual people and I’m sociable, but as I collective I dislike people in general, for the reasons I’ve already mentioned. I’m in my mid 30s so I’ve had plenty of experience of people in my life. You see it on here all the time, and elsewhere people calling people, people bragging, racists, bullies, jealousy everywhere in life. It’s all about trying to outdo people.

Yes, it’s not everyone. But at the same time I’m not hell bent on being liked by people. I’m quite happy with my life without having to be validated or slagging off someone’s looks or whatever else, and I see a LOT of it since I’ve become more aware of it, so I’m less bothered about people and just get on being quite happy in my own company.

You're an introvert OP, welcome!

50% of people are like this. They just don't feel the need to express it (because they're introverts!).

I think you're overthinking it.

I could've written your post.

I love my own company. I'm happy for some social interaction but a weekend of no plans and just doing my own thing is my perfect weekend.

I too am looking to travel on my own - it's probably the one thing I'd prefer to do with someone but I think it's because I've never gone by myself.

I like people but feel that there is just too many of them.

But they do feel the need to express it. They express it endlessly ad nauseam on Mumsnet. This thread is full of it.

Thread after thread about being an “introvert” as if it were some really groundbreaking and brave revelation when in fact there are multiple threads a day about “being an introvert” which basically feature people saying “I’m exactly like you OP! I also hate people! What a remarkable coincidence!”. On and on it goes in tediously self indulgent detail.

”Introversion” is misleading: its nothing to do with introversion. It’s an attempt to reboot being a misanthrope.

With the exception of my husband and my close family, people are annoying and I don’t want to spend time socialising. It’s exhausting and draining and there’s a constant pressure to say and do the right thing. My job is so people facing and that completely uses up any social battery I have ! Weekends are for staying at home or going out on walks ! I fantasise about a cottage somewhere wild where no one is, I’d take my husband though <3

But they do feel the need to express it. They express it endlessly ad nauseam on Mumsnet. This thread is full of it.

You do realise you're on a thread about this very specific topic, yes?

I frequently see threads on here by people struggling with problems that have arisen in their lives which could be largely helped by getting some assistance from friends and social networks. The people struggling in this way often say “I don’t really have any friends” “I don’t know anyone who could help me out.”

One consequence of this is that government services get overloaded; if you can’t ask a friend to help you get your child to school when you have a health problem or have nobody to stay with when some awful event makes your house temporarily uninhabitable or whatever, government workers like teachers wind up stuck with helping out, or local governments are forced to shell out for expensive services to stop you falling through the cracks.

Hiding at home with Netflix for company and doing nothing to invest in a social network is all very well…until it suddenly isn’t. And the rest of us may end up paying for it.

@GoodfortheGoose

You do realise you're on a thread about this very specific topic, yes?

Of course I do, but there are multiple “Look at me, I hate people” threads a day. Each one couched as if it were an incredibly radical and thought provoking revelation.

You never see people posting “I have lots of friends and am highly sociable! Can I have an interesting point please?”

Its the attention seeking of it which is so tedious. It’s the adult equivalent of emo teenagers on long car journeys telling their parents over and over again how boring life is because they want to provoke an argument with the square squad.