Am I being unreasonable - I don’t actually like people

[CaterhamReconstituted]

I’ve been feeling this way for a while, a kind of permanent low anxiety, and I think I’ve figured out what it is - I don’t think I actually like being around people.

I mean, I like some people more than others, I’m not socially inept, I get on with people and I have friends and family. I don’t live alone. I enjoy company sometimes. But I like being on my own a lot more than I like being with other people. I get irritated by little things that people do or say that are probably quite innocuous. I never say anything, but I get this rising feeling of disdain bubbling away inside me.

I crave being on my own it, and sometimes I will carve out time for it. It’s not always easy. I never feel lonely on my own. I’m even considering going on holiday on my own, even though Ive never done it before, and some people may find that a bit weird.

Im nearly 40 so I’ve pretty much become the person I am and I’ve come to terms with that. But I’m not sure if there is something “wrong” with me or not.

@GoodfortheGoose

Let people live their life, damn. Why are you concerned that Emma or Helen finds most people tiresome and prefers to be alone or with a few people? Honestly, who cares, as long as they're satisfied with life?

I'm not sure if you've RTFT, I'm getting the vibe that you haven't. I couldn't give a tinker's cuss what people do with their lives. But when people pop up on threads saying they "hate people" and then, when challenged on it, say "I'm in introvert", I will call them out on it. It's mendacious bullshit.

Maybe I've missed people using the word hate. Can't see it, just people agreeing that they prefer to do things solo

Yes, I can empathise. I call myself 'asocial' that is to say, I do not dislike other people (antisocial), but I do not feel a great need to be with others socially.

I have been like this for as long as I can remember, and I was warned that I would be 'a very lonely old woman' by a teacher fifty years ago, because I did not/could not make friends with the other children at school. Now, I am actively looking forward to a quiet older age with books, films, a little work, pets and a quiet, introverted life.

I’m with all the above I can’t wait to get home and shut the door people are very draining and I get worn out with them love my own company reading or in the garden pottering around bliss

I feel like I've been over this a lot... but the title of the thread is literally "I don't like people". Meanwhile there are numerous other people on this thread saying they "dislike" people: people are "over-rated", they "suck", etc etc. I think a couple actually achieve hate.

I've said this until I'm blue in the face but I'll say it again. I have no problem with introverts and I have no problem with people doing things on their own. I do a lot of things on my own and I crave my own company sometimes. This isn't what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about people posting on threads that they "hate people". It's a phenomenal waste of oxygen: aggressive, pointless and almost certainly untrue.

This whole bloody thread is yet another example of the ongoing misunderstanding of the difference between introversion and extraversion (and misanthropy).

I have introvert tendencies: I'm not shy or socially awkward, I love parties and meeting people, I'm very good at building relationships (it's literally part of my job) and I can talk to anybody, as and when required.

The difference between me and a 'clasdic' extravert is that I have to take a wee bit of time out every day/week to recharge my social battery a bit, but once it's done, I'm off again!

Another to agree there’s nothing wrong with you. I’m nearly 40 and love being on my own, hate people-but I have since being a teenager. I’m just an introverted loner. I do have a few friends but I honestly find it exhausting a lot of the time l. I’d much rather be at home with my kids and cats.

No, enjoying some time by yourself as well as enjoying spending time with other people does not make you a Very Special Introvert, it makes you a normal human being who (astonishingly) enjoys doing different things at different times.

See also: "Sometimes I don't want to wear nail polish or makeup! I'm non-binary!" No. You are a woman who makes various choices about clothes and grooming choices depending on situation or mood. Like everyone else.

Head in hands…. This is textbook

@Thepeopleversuswork textbook what?

I also need time by myself and time with other people. I don't think that makes me an introvert. This week I was out twice, so I spent the whole weekend on my own.

@IrishWombat

Textbook example of the kinds of attitudes on this thread: the kneejerk "people hating" tendency and conflating this wrongly with being an introvert. "Hating people" doesn't make you an introvert. Not having tons of friends also doesn't make you an introvert. Being an introvert doesn't mean you hate people. Not wanting to have loads of friends doesn't make you particularly unusual, different or interesting.

Sounds like you’re an introvert. You get your energy from being alone. Why has no one else replied this yet?

I don’t think you’re unusual. I find so many people thick or irritating (often both) and am quite happy on my own for much of the time. Dh is fine, though, because he mostly does his own thing and isn’t in my face non stop, wittering about trivia.

Have you read any of this thread? There are about 12 pages detailing why the classification of "someone who hates people" as "introverted" is wrong....

@Thepeopleversuswork you've clearly given this topic a lot of thought and feel strongly about it, and I agree with your logic on some counts. But you're increasingly coming across (to me anyway) as trying to police the way people view this issue and express themselves on the topic, and some of your throwaway comments have an anti-introvert feel (again, to me anyway) even though I get that it's what you consider 'faux' introversion you're objecting to and not true introversion. Not everyone agrees with everything in your posts. That isn't the same thing as not having read the thread properly.

At this stage I'm genuinely curious as to why you're so invested, although of course it's your prerogative to choose not to answer that if you don't want to.

This sounds perfectly normal in my world!

@Thepeopleversuswork tbh I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum-I have a parent and a child that is. I struggle socially even with my friends-I put on a performance (I mask) that I’m ok, but often I’m not for different reasons. I find social situations overwhelming and uncomfortable. I think my hating people and and my belief that I’m an introvert are separate. I don’t like people because I struggle with how to be with most of them and also because so many are shitbags. I’m an introvert because I just like being on my own, at home in my safe space. I think plenty of introverts are social, they just need to find the right people, I guess.

Have you checked your MBTI op? I was delighted when I noted that INFJ's ( like me), prefer to be alone for up to 75% of their time.