Am I being unreasonable - I don’t actually like people

[CaterhamReconstituted]

I’ve been feeling this way for a while, a kind of permanent low anxiety, and I think I’ve figured out what it is - I don’t think I actually like being around people.

I mean, I like some people more than others, I’m not socially inept, I get on with people and I have friends and family. I don’t live alone. I enjoy company sometimes. But I like being on my own a lot more than I like being with other people. I get irritated by little things that people do or say that are probably quite innocuous. I never say anything, but I get this rising feeling of disdain bubbling away inside me.

I crave being on my own it, and sometimes I will carve out time for it. It’s not always easy. I never feel lonely on my own. I’m even considering going on holiday on my own, even though Ive never done it before, and some people may find that a bit weird.

Im nearly 40 so I’ve pretty much become the person I am and I’ve come to terms with that. But I’m not sure if there is something “wrong” with me or not.

There is a lot of truth in this. Especially about the mix of insecurity and arrogance.

I do wonder what it’s like for kids who are growing up in such misanthropic households. How will they establish friendships when they are older without role models at home? Will they be allowed friends over into their mother’s quiet sanctuary at home etc.

@CaterhamReconstituted
Just because I'd rather spend time on my own doesn't mean I'm any of those either!
I'm the same as you, by the time I hit 48 I knew that I'd had enough of being around many people!
I don't do "false", I'd rather spend time on my own, than have to put on a fake front with people I don't much care for! That doesn't mean to say I turn down lunches with friends etc. I'd just rather have a very small group I prefer to be around! I've done my bit in my 55 years on the planet, enough to see who's who and what's what!

I honestly didn’t mean it in that way. I just don’t generally like being around people. It’s just the way I feel. I’m not a loner and I’m not horrible to people. I don’t wish anyone ill-will and I don’t think I’m better than anyone.

It might be different for others and no doubt there’s a misanthropic strain in society, but I think, with me, I’m describing something else.

@CaterhamReconstituted

I honestly didn’t mean it in that way. I just don’t generally like being around people. It’s just the way I feel. I’m not a loner and I’m not horrible to people. I don’t wish anyone ill-will and I don’t think I’m better than anyone

I think that’s fine and normal. I think the distinction between “preferring your own company” and “hating people” or “not liking people” is a very important one and I think people should be a bit more careful about the way they phrase it.

I'm a lone wolf by nature as well. I've always been very content in my own company.

I'm a supply teacher for work, so spend my days surrounded by people. By the end of the day, my people-ing skills are at rock bottom.

I didn’t really get that impression from you. It’s more of a reflection on comments I have seen on MN over the last year.

It's just indulgent navel-gazing. If you don't like people, what are you doing on a chatboard trying to find ones just like you? What's the point of that?

Dunno, why are you on here?

Exactly. It’s performative. “Look at me, I’m really unique and special and I can see through everyone else.” It’s arrogance, disguised as introversion.

But I didn’t say any of that

We are an entire family of people avoiders. Granted at least three out of five of us don’t like being around lots of people. I always thought I was an extrovert but lockdown made me realise I’m really not. I’m exhausted by being around people and crave down time and absolutely no sensory input.

Totally same! I make it even worse for myself because I'm naturally very friendly and chatty so I seem to attract social interactions and then at some point I'm like "...and I'm done.." and I desperately need to be on my own. Working on my resting bitch face to repel people. I think I'm happiest in a field with my dog.

@CaterhamReconstituted

You didn’t, but several other people on this thread have. One said people “suck”, another said they are over-rated and another said they are best avoided.

Thats breathtakingly rude and arrogant. It’s become so normalised and such a modern trope people don’t even really notice it but it’s incredibly aggressive to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet that they “suck”.

It’s also very obviously self serving. If you genuinely didn’t need contact with other people why would you bother going onto a website based around interacting with other people just to get the point across that you don’t like them.

Some wise words there @Thepeopleversuswork

Yes, ok. Yeah I wouldn’t go as far as saying some of those things.

I could have written this post myself.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you at all OP.
I consider myself more of a lone wolf rather than one who moves with the herd, and I’m completely ok with that.

I quite like people. If I were of your mind, and whining about them I would be sequestered far, far away from them.

Sounds a bit Kevin and Perry to me, wanting to be heard but on your own terms. All a bit attention seeking.

Nothing wrong with a holiday alone, OP. Helps a lot if it is to somewhere where you speak the local language though.

You can crave your own company without being unpleasant or rude too.

Definitely. It is a bit much to come onto a chatboard where there will be people chatting, to say that you don't actually like people. That is rude and it really didn't need saying at all.

I loath the royal family, all of them, I try to steer clear of the board where all the fans of them are. They wouldn't appreciate me popping in to say how much I dislike them, they'd rightly ask what I was doing there and I would be stuck for an answer.

I was just sounding out whether the way I felt was normal, as I was interested. Some people feel this way too, it seems. Nothing personal against anyone in particular.

But if you don't like people, Caterham, what does it matter what they, at large, think?

I don't mean to needle you but your thread wording was a bit odd and, if you've ever spent any time on this chatboard before, there are myriad threads about people not wanting to spend time with other people. I'd go so far as to say that you're in the majority so entirely 'normal' whatever that means.

Anyway, you seem to be liking the ones who agree with you and feel the same so I'll leave you in peace with your tribe.

I was just wondering whether how I felt was normal, as I don’t prefer company generally and I wasn’t sure if this was a thing. As I’ve got older I’ve faded away a bit and I surprisingly felt ok about that. I have nothing against anyone in particular. I didn’t know about other threads on the same topic.

Are you me? 😁

Seriously though, I think this happens to a lot of us in middle age. We're just tired of all the bullshit and drama that people bring, while expecting us to look after them and pander to their every need.

Ive lived alone for 25 years and love it and my last boyfriend got chucked in 2019 for being a constant source of irritation and disappointment.

I have a couple of great friends and a very small family and a cat for company and I have a well paid job with lovely colleagues. Thats all i need. Ive been on holiday on my own and travelled internationally on my own and I really enjoyed the freedom. Nobody commented or stared. I really recommend it for those who're all peopled out.

I'm the same. Love family and a few close friends but wouldn't want any of them with me 24 /7. Just about cope with husband but love time alone, mainly walking, listening to podcasts and staring into space. Have in my time felt like an alien among " bubbly personalities " 🤯😵‍💫

So well said, I especially get the “I’m better than everyone else” vibe from the people I know who say these things