To not go to the hen do?

[tiredandtesting123]

One of my friends hen do's is soon. Since it was planned my financial circumstances have changed in that I've had a baby and given up work.
It's getting more and more expensive with what she's added to it, and the girl I'm going with is wants more petrol money than is necessary.. so I said I'd make my own way (as DH/my dad won't charge me petrol money) I was told in the group chat no I'll be going in the car with them that way I can't be late etc, and even if I get picked up on the way back she still wants the same amount of petrol money. I've been told by the hen in the group WhatsApp "you've known about this for 9 months so you could've saved, please moan to the others and not me" followed by lots of "amen" and emojis from the others. My response was so you're asking me to bitch behind your back then. I can't save money I don't have.

Part of me feels like saying I won't be attending either the hen do or wedding, leaving the group chat and saying don't talk to me talk about me to each other!

AIBU?

@Boysgrownbutstillathome YES! When I had mine (many, many years ago) it was in the days when it was the night before the wedding, held locally. No matching outfits, no flights, no drinking games, no planned entertainment, no 'you need to do this', no stays at hotels, no expectations to stay the whole night. Just a few hours laughing together.

O/P - You don't need to justify yourself to these witches. They don't sound like they want you around anymore, which is always the case once you have a baby. Been there!

However, silence is the best response. Leave, block, ignore, put them behind you. I would leave a 'like' on that FB status just to make her stew, or even comment, "Isn't life just a bitch! Ciao, Felitia!" And a massive smiley face, then block and put them behind you. Nothing makes someone stew more when they cannot respond to you and get nothing in return.

If she harasses you for more money; advise you will report her to the police for harassment and attempted extortion of money via manipulation and intimidating behaviour. Let her shoot herself in the foot.

It sounds like you have a lovely best friend on your side. Join a local Mum group, make some new friends, then invite them around for take away and a drink, or just your besty.

This! I've been invited to 3 hen do's this year and turned them all down because they are just too much. One is abroad, the other is a weekend local, the other is an all day bottomless brunch....can we just do it the old way!? For fork sake.

@KM123456 can you read? The financial costs have upped significantly to what was originally agreed as have her financial circumstances. The add ons aren't affordable to her and I've never been on a hen do where it's not possible for some of the group to join on the second day or go home early or not do an activity. Her being late sometimes is not the issue, where have you drawn that conclusion? And £75 for a 45 min journey is taking advantage. Tbh if one of my friends was on a tight budget and was willing to back out due to finance I'd not ask for petrol and want to help her to join us still on her terms, that's what friends do

🤭

She’s insane. You’re well rid! I would remove her from Facebook. Life is too short for moody cows.

I’m glad you said it, why do people make up their own narrative instead of just reading the OP posts?

@KM123456 enlighten me?

Sounds like the driver couldn't afford the hen trip herself and is trying to claw back the costs, definitely better rid OP, pure cheek

OP I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this! I think you’ve done completely the right thing and if I were you, I’d be cutting them all out of my life. With friends like that, you don’t need enemies. You’ve done nothing wrong - circumstances change and they should be more understanding - especially as you’ve been so open and vulnerable about it. Ditch the bitches!

Yep, total bullying. They sound like really horrible people.

YANBU to say you are not going…. But it does feel like there is more going on with this than you are letting on?

Yes, there is - just read all of the OP's posts for the back story.

Ugh really? None of my friends would be like this, they sound like an unpleasant entitled bunch. Just back out completely, you've got a baby to look after, no one can challenge that surely.

You have a baby now. Your priorities have to change. And you'll be miserable going on a hen-do you can't afford, with a bunch of girls who are trying to bully you. Just send apologies. State you don't have the money. And I'd probably pull out of attending the wedding as well. Time to find new friends, who are probably new mothers and have more in common with you right now. Look out for mother and baby groups in your area. Your hen "friends" sound very immature.

👏👏😂😂

@RampantIvy i have, I just feel there’s more on the other side than is being said. As in for the reactions from the other people.

As tempting as it would be to send a response, I would ignore, ignore, ignore.

Who cares what they think, say or do? They’re not in your life anymore and have no power over you. Good riddance!

Nothing wrong with shop bought desserts.

I couldn’t ignore it. In fact I would spend time crafting the perfect response and ensure I included ‘you wish’ in there. It’s a cheap shot at your expense. I wouldn’t have an all out argument on social media but I’d need to reply at least once!

Just wonder how the post would read from the person who put the expenses on her credit card (or expected everyone to chip in a set amount while she calculated her own) and then was told at the last minute that someone was bailing because she couldn't afford it for reasons she had known about for months? And now that person was left holding the bag? But I know I am in the minority here. The irony is I personally think these expensive hen parties are inconsiderate. But if you commit, and others are financially on the hook, I think you have a moral.obligation to figure something out. But that's just me.

I'm so glad you've put your foot down. The driver sounds like an absolute piece of work. I'm amazed she has any friends left.

You think OP should have paid up the £25 petrol money for a 40 minute drive?

There is an argument you should pay towards the hotel room if that was booked after you agreed to stay.

Though if you have to pay half that and others staying 3 to a room one of them could go in there anyway.

But that part I'd offer to pay towards.

@KM123456 see I would agree with you about people agreeing to something, knowing the cost and then backing out after deposits are paid, leaving the person who booked to pay their share or forfeit the whole thing, but that's not what has happened here. The OP has stated what she can't afford are the add ons that have been booked after she committed to what she thought was affordable for her, it sounds to me more like the bride has taken the "it's my party and I'll do what I want" to the extreme and thinks everyone should pay what she plans because they've signed up to join her hen and putting extra pressure on people to pay up for things they didn't agree to is not ok. As for the fuel cost, it is not something prepaid and the driver is blatantly over charging for it. She wouldn't have needed to back out if they hadn't been so vile to her either.

And paying a suspiciously high price for petrol.

Nah, it doesn’t sound that OP morally owes them anything. I hope the poor cousin doesn’t end up out of pocket though.

Normally hen do’s pay the money upfront. More fool the person who puts it on a credit card. Why would you put others expenses on a credit card? There’s 20 people going to the Hen event. That’s a shit load of money to put on a personal card.

or expected everyone to chip in a set amount while she calculated her own

What do you mean by this?