To not go to the hen do?

[tiredandtesting123]

One of my friends hen do's is soon. Since it was planned my financial circumstances have changed in that I've had a baby and given up work.
It's getting more and more expensive with what she's added to it, and the girl I'm going with is wants more petrol money than is necessary.. so I said I'd make my own way (as DH/my dad won't charge me petrol money) I was told in the group chat no I'll be going in the car with them that way I can't be late etc, and even if I get picked up on the way back she still wants the same amount of petrol money. I've been told by the hen in the group WhatsApp "you've known about this for 9 months so you could've saved, please moan to the others and not me" followed by lots of "amen" and emojis from the others. My response was so you're asking me to bitch behind your back then. I can't save money I don't have.

Part of me feels like saying I won't be attending either the hen do or wedding, leaving the group chat and saying don't talk to me talk about me to each other!

AIBU?

It’s a good job these wankers won’t be in your life any longer @tiredandtesting123 !

Definitely block them all

I'm the kind of bitch who would smile and wait till last minute and drop them in the shit by telling the right before hand that I'd decided long time ago when you had this conversation not to go and sorry I forgot to tell you. Sound alike they are insisting you travel with them more for your cut of the funds. Which says to me someone is reliant on it and not been honest. So I'd defo tell them where to go and don't go to either, I didn't go to my own brother's wedding for the exact same reason, his wife was toxic and expected us too co tribute to her wedding and switch off our own money issues to give her the best day. I told my brother I wouldn't go and even told him it wouldn't last. Two years later they are divorced and he admitted I was right and promised to listen to me from now on.

You are NOT being unreasonable, they are! Why would you want to fork out money you don’t have to spend time with such unpleasant people? I’ve successfully managed to cut off the one or two toxic “friends” I’ve had and feel much better for it. I wonder if you are the first in this so-called “friendship” group to have a baby and that's why they are singling you out for this treatment? In any case, being a new mum is hopefully an opportunity to make new friends who are on your wavelength instead of supposedly grown women who bitch like teenagers.

I’m sorry OP but my response to that would be f**k off and how dare you talk to me like a child. They aren’t friends, extract yourself from the arrangements and move on.

Sounds like the extra petrol money is going into the kitty for the drinks.

It seems as if the cousin the OP is paired with in the accommodation is also not welcome.
The three besties together so guess what and whom they are going to bitch about all night -you and the coz.

My work pay 45p a mile for travel so she is well over asking that off 4 of you each in the car. I went away with 3 people in a car including driver and 6 hours round trip and driver only asked 15.00 each from the two of us. She just worked out how much petrol used. We did give 20.00 each and got her a few drinks when away.

I wouldn’t go.

She isn't going @MyDearOliveDuck

I'm glad to hear you are not going OP. Sounds like the driver at least needs lessons on the difference between friendship and bullying.

“Fuck off” and add your own emoji 😂. They’re self-obsessed nutters.

Wow just wow. With friends like this who needs enemies?😒
If I was in your shoes, I would just back out of the whole thing and have a private chat to the bride.

Just place marking, as I'm just about to nip to the neighbours and ask for petrol money for my next journey to Morrisons, not that they'll be coming with me!!!
I cannot believe the nerve of that CF or the behaviour of the others!!! Add me on Facebook, I'll give her what for!!! 🤣🤣🤣 The absolute bare faced cheek!

You have done the right thing to back out; as for the CF driver demanding petrol money for a trip you are not going to be on, I would respond telling her to f* off

Post of FB that you've never heard of the "petrol scam" but feel lucky you didn't fall for it.

Oh please, please can we go back to hen NIGHTS at the local pub/ club!

If that was the case, why would you even invite them? As money would then be more important to you than the friendship.

Going against the grain. I suspect we're not getting all the story. OP has,admitted she's often late, and the group solution seems to be making her go with them--treat her like a child, not an adult, but she sounds like she does behave a bit like an entitled teenager. She did agree to split the costs, she did have months to think about this, and I suspect will be leaving the others holding the bag financially if she drops out. Not very responsible.
The mature response would be to pay her agreed upon share of the costs, then gracefully decline to go, citing her need to be with the baby, and drop out of any further bridesmaids' responsibilities. It is not the others' fault that she agreed to go, assumed the financial burden and allowed them to plan based on that, and now wants to bail. Behaving responsibly might save the friendship. But reading this, if I were one of the others, I wouldn't bother.

Tbh I'd back out and wouldn't even be polite about it. I'd be clear that they've shown their true colours and I'm not keen on having that sort of toxicity in my life. That they're welcome to talk about me because if they're honest about the situation, any sane person would think they're being bitchy/immature and anyone else I wouldn't want as friends anyway so it will be a good indicator for me of whether or not there are any other toxic people in my life I can cleanse.

Even if op leaves them short in some ways the fuel extortion others have fallen for will cover the shortfall I imagine..

I can guarantee you will not enjoy this event. you will be resentful about the money it is costing and tbh it’s sounds like they’re taking a lend.

I was invited on a hen do several years ago and did not attend. I didn’t hear a single positive thing about it and now I don’t think anyone who attended is still friends with the bride.

People grow apart. I’d send a message to the bride privately bowing out.

The driver sounds like a bitch Op. you don't owe her anything? I certainly wouldn't want to go on a hen do with them.

I would maybe say I can attend the wedding but not the hen sorry

Is anyone bothering to read the OP's latest updates?

Doesn't seem so! 🙄