AIBU my partner won't attend any social or child events

[user1467403859]

I have 4 children. My partner is father to my almost 4 year old. He also has another child.
All children similar age (teens) and get on amazingly, we have holidays together and I love his child as much as my own.
We were very on and off but being back together for 1 year now and all is good. But over the past few months he has gone back to not wanting to do any events.
Close friends parties, couple events, refused to look at schools for our child, refused to attend parent evening, refused to attend our daughters first stage show (even though I spent over £100 on tickets), refused to attend presentations, literally nothing. He even refused to attend our child's christening.
Now if he was going to be alone I'd understand, however his friends attend these events (his friends not mine might I add. He works with some of them and we all get on well. His friends have asked me why he won't attend and have even tried to get him to come). I'm sick of being the only 1 sat without my other half. I'm sick of listening to people ask me why he doesn't want to watch his child perform on stage. Or recieve a trophy. Its embarrassing.
We don't live together, but these events always happen when he is at mine and he chooses to sit by himself in my house while I go out.
I've snapped tonight. An invitation for our daughters nursery graduation..... a family day and in previous years the staff have made videos of children from them being babies to leaving. He said said.... "you're going, I'm not". I've replied saying you. And not spoke since......
Am I the arse or should he be making an effort to attend things,expecially for his child.
For context we both work full time mon-friday and these happen on weekends. So not a case of anything stopping him.

You say gone back to not wanting to do events. So it's happened before. I'd get rid to be honest. Sounds like your single anyway

Previously we neve used to do anything, definitely no family days out or holidays. So that's good we do that. Last year he attended everything but since December nothing (but we do have holidays planned)

Has he some form of social anxiety? Even so he does need to put his children's needs before his own comfort. I would be frustrated too.

You have an almost 4 year old but you don't live together and he won't come to anything to do with his own child including their christening which is really messed up.

He's not your partner and he doesn't care about you and your joint child.

Get rid. He's making his position very clear, and as he's 'gone back' it means he’ll be a good day for 5 minutes to shut you up and then go back to what he thinks is important.

I say this having been in the exact same situation as you, he would do nothing unless I really forced but then would sit there with a face on him and ruin it for all of us. I then tried it with just me and the kids enjoying ourselves, we loved doing whatever it was but then we would go home and that atmosphere that existed around him was there... the resentment built. We split, I'm much happier being without him!

Has he said why? Is he avoiding all forms of going out/events/socialising, or will he happily go out separately with his mates to the pub, but avoids family events?

He didn’t attend his own child’s Christening?

Did he have a reason?

Why don't you live together? He doesn't sound invested at all

He's not a partner.
He's just some bloke.
Get rid!

Why are you putting your children through this situation? You don't even live with him, utterly bizarre. Poor kids thinking that this is normal.

He is no partner!? Words mean things. He is a man you see and share a child with. He's so selfish!

We don't live together because when we tried I lost my UC, even though I work full time, our Child was at nursery 5 days a week so I claimed a lot back on UC, when he moved in he couldn't afford to give me what I lost, plus extra to make up for me loosing my council tax reduction (25% single reduction), extra food etc. So he moved back to his family at around the same time this happened. The aim was to wait another year when I won't be needed the childcare costs to move him back.
He doesn't really go out, but he does do things on a farm to help a friend out which is his hobby.
Today I've used his car while mine was having work done, and no problem with that. If I need him to come and watch our child if I'm doing something mid week he will come round (we don't live far from each other).
When I text him the "duck you" he just replied with a thumb up...... I feel so confused. We have 2 family holidays booked in the next few months too.

Op I'm not being funny but why do you put up with this? You and your children deserve so much more. Why do you accept such a total lack of care?

well he is weird. Are the other things about him worth putting up with this weirdness or is it just that he is quite handy as a babysitter sometimes.

I couldn't be bothered with him but that's me. you must have seen something in him - didn't you?

He sounds like a stroppy teenager and you're his mother. You don't need him. What does he bring to your life?

I did chuckle at that ha.
My older children don't need babysitting any more. Our youngest is either with me, with us both, nursery or his mum. I can't count on 1 hand he has had her while I've done something. And she was poorly which is why I couldn't take her with me.

You call this man your partner but that is not how he sees you.

You don't live together
He doesn't engage with your shared child
He doesn't see you as a family

I bet he doesn't contribute financially to your child either.

Hes a cocklodger - get rid
Move on

You’ve missed the most important piece of information, which is WHY? What reason does he give to not go to these things?

He gives me £30 pw and on weekends he tends to pay of we go out for dinner or something.

He just says "I don't want to" that's it. Nothing else to work with

Does be work? What does he do? £30?? I bet he costs you far more than that. How often does he stay at your house?

be sounds like a selfish arsehole and a poor choice if father. Not sure why youre trying to hard with someone who wont try at all.

Yer he does work and earns 10k more then me. He will always pay for us all when we go out. Meals every weekend. He stays fri-sunday. I cook one evening. Take away the second even (he pays), then meal out on sunday

What is he for?

I don't understand?

Well at the very minimum he wouldn't be sitting in my house instead of joining me and his child on a family day out.

I strongly suggest you kick him into touch and put in a CMS claim - you'll probably get more than £30 for your joint DD