AIBU my partner won't attend any social or child events

[user1467403859]

I have 4 children. My partner is father to my almost 4 year old. He also has another child.
All children similar age (teens) and get on amazingly, we have holidays together and I love his child as much as my own.
We were very on and off but being back together for 1 year now and all is good. But over the past few months he has gone back to not wanting to do any events.
Close friends parties, couple events, refused to look at schools for our child, refused to attend parent evening, refused to attend our daughters first stage show (even though I spent over £100 on tickets), refused to attend presentations, literally nothing. He even refused to attend our child's christening.
Now if he was going to be alone I'd understand, however his friends attend these events (his friends not mine might I add. He works with some of them and we all get on well. His friends have asked me why he won't attend and have even tried to get him to come). I'm sick of being the only 1 sat without my other half. I'm sick of listening to people ask me why he doesn't want to watch his child perform on stage. Or recieve a trophy. Its embarrassing.
We don't live together, but these events always happen when he is at mine and he chooses to sit by himself in my house while I go out.
I've snapped tonight. An invitation for our daughters nursery graduation..... a family day and in previous years the staff have made videos of children from them being babies to leaving. He said said.... "you're going, I'm not". I've replied saying you. And not spoke since......
Am I the arse or should he be making an effort to attend things,expecially for his child.
For context we both work full time mon-friday and these happen on weekends. So not a case of anything stopping him.

It’s really not that black and white. If he literally refuses to contribute the financial equivalent to the household income that she’d lose after cancelling her single UC claim and single adult CT discount what the feck is she meant to do?

These men children do exist, and see their money as purely their money and will only contribute what they choose.

I had to beg and beg the father of my first two children to leave so I could claim Tax Credits. When we moved across the country for his job, I paid everything up front for six months because I’d received a large injury compensation pay out. We’d discussed the divide of the bills but when the time came all he would pay for was the rent, the loan he took out to buy furniture for our first house and his car. I was working two jobs, paying out childcare, all utilities, all food, shoes and clothing. I was up to my neck in debt, wearing bras with the wire poking into my arm pit and walking everywhere because he refused to entertain the idea of paying for my driving lessons or use his car “because I wouldn’t be contributing to it”, while he was buying the newest high performance hardware for his computer every few months. He’d give me tit bits or extra money here and there if I gave him sex. He was also like OP’s “partner”, had no interest in his kids or their world. Not my proudest moment, but I resorted to cheating on him just to make him leave, so I could get myself out of the rut I was in. Of course, he initially refused to pay more than £120/maintenance because he was “still paying off debt that you benefitted from” despite him earning twice as much as I did.

There’s cheating the system and there’s single parents doing what they have to do to keep their kids sheltered, fed, clothed, happy and loved, whilst not grinding themselves into the ground because the arsehole sperm donor doesn’t live up to their financial obligations.

well ideally she wouldn't have had a child with a shitty man, but what she does is break up with him and claim CMS.

Yes, ideally. If only there was some window to his guaranteed wholesome soul women could check into before agreeing to receive his sperm. Or an irrevocable contract both parties have to sign to agree they won’t become selfish turds or be financially abusive to each other once they share children…

He sounds like an AH. That poor kid. 🥲 What he does will never make up for missing these moments.

so break up with him and claim CMS and show your kids that you don't have to settle for crap

and also with this sort of story I'll bet that she was pregnant within a year or two of knowing him.

Does it make you feel good to be that judgemental? Absolutely vile.

There's literally nothing different from each post...

Okayyyyy but as I've said, not from me 🤷‍♀️

Know each other 12 years.

👏 Glad to hear you're on your way to an easier, happier and more rewarding life for both you, and your child. Sometimes being single, is the far better option 😁

Sound like a rubbish partner and a rubbish father. Why are you with him?

Why don’t you scrap some of the takeaways, meals out and multiple holidays and just live together as a family?? Me and my husband both work, aren’t entitled to any benefits and could definitely not afford weekly takeaways and meals out. Universal credit is supposed to be a safety net for struggling individuals/families. Not a lifestyle choice so that your ‘partner’ can shirk his responsibilities.

His gone back because u are his enabler. I guarantee you the reason he come back was because he realised no other grown women will take that. It’s called reeling you in….now he knows his got hos feet back under the table, no effort is needed! I’m speaking from 20 years plus experience!