AIBU my partner won't attend any social or child events

[user1467403859]

I have 4 children. My partner is father to my almost 4 year old. He also has another child.
All children similar age (teens) and get on amazingly, we have holidays together and I love his child as much as my own.
We were very on and off but being back together for 1 year now and all is good. But over the past few months he has gone back to not wanting to do any events.
Close friends parties, couple events, refused to look at schools for our child, refused to attend parent evening, refused to attend our daughters first stage show (even though I spent over £100 on tickets), refused to attend presentations, literally nothing. He even refused to attend our child's christening.
Now if he was going to be alone I'd understand, however his friends attend these events (his friends not mine might I add. He works with some of them and we all get on well. His friends have asked me why he won't attend and have even tried to get him to come). I'm sick of being the only 1 sat without my other half. I'm sick of listening to people ask me why he doesn't want to watch his child perform on stage. Or recieve a trophy. Its embarrassing.
We don't live together, but these events always happen when he is at mine and he chooses to sit by himself in my house while I go out.
I've snapped tonight. An invitation for our daughters nursery graduation..... a family day and in previous years the staff have made videos of children from them being babies to leaving. He said said.... "you're going, I'm not". I've replied saying you. And not spoke since......
Am I the arse or should he be making an effort to attend things,expecially for his child.
For context we both work full time mon-friday and these happen on weekends. So not a case of anything stopping him.

Well, my only question is why this relationship is dragging on???

he doesn’t want to be involved in his own daughters life! And by default therefore yours.

He sounds really pathetic, quite frankly. He sees you at the weekend for a KFC and a shag, and pays you 30 quid for the privilege.... Your poor child, being lumbered with this wetwipe for a dad.

Did he even want a child?

Your bar is so low it's subterranean.

Honestly, what the fuck are you doing?

Was your pregnancy planned? Was he happy when you became pregnant?

Sounds like he does not want to be a parent, like a lot of men to be honest. I’ve always believed a lot of men are fathers not because they wanted to be, they just went along with it for the sake of their partners.

What the hell is the point of him?

He's not a partner and he's not even paying adequately for his child

So he lent you his car. Whoopee

@Aquamarine1029 is absolutely right. Honestly I don't mean to be harsh but you really need to give your head a wobble. Take the time to have a good think about what kind of role model or lack there of he is to your child. By setting your standards so low you do all of your children a disservice.

He even refused to attend our child's christening.
£30pw, a takeaway and a warm
bed, no responsibility for his child, he's got it made.

This is ridiculous. He is living his best life while you're enabling it. This is not normal.

He sounds like a waste man. Get rid op.

Are you in love with him?

On the face of it, he seems very selfish but I can't help wondering if there's a problem with anxiety here? Social anxiety is very common but people often find it incredibly hard to talk about, especially men who struggle to talk about how they're feeling. You know him best OP so do you think that could be the case here? I think you need to have a conversation with him and ask him what's behind his social isolation. Explain how it's making you feel and that you find it difficult to see a future for the relationship if you have to continue to do so much on your own. Ask him if he wants this relationship to work and if he wants you to be happy?

@Noseybookworm
Let's not start looking for excuses for this waster, social anxiety my arse.

It's not looking for excuses, it's a possible explanation for his behaviour. OP knows him, we don't so she will know more than you or me whether it's a possibility.

I'm sure my DH doesn't particularly enjoy participating in half the boring shit we do as parents for our kids. I know I don't.
It's a bit too fucking bad you don't get to opt out of parenting because you don't fancy doing something for the benefit of your family.
If you want a life of pleasing yourself then you stay single and child free.

Cocklodger in absentia.

Is he a 'gamer'?

No thank god!

Yes very much, he was perfect last year. But since Xmas it's like he has gone back to how he was years ago. Which is why we split.

He didn't change. He just did what he had to do to get back his domestic appliance and sex worker (you).

He doesn't love either you or your child - imagine how little you would have to care about a child to not want to be part of their events.

This isn't a relationship, so there's barely anything to end - he isn't going to change, so only keep the sham going if this is how you want to live your life forever.

Hes a single guy with perks of having sex on tap and a family he doesnt contribute to. Hes a peter pan, living at parents...£30 quid a week? And you say he pays when you go out? But he doesn't go out with you. Fuck that.

This. Find some self respect, get rid of this total waster and put in a claim for CMS

So he spends more on meals out than on child maintenance?

Is he suffering with anxiety and or depression? Still no excuse if he is.

Hang on just read you go out for food at weekends, does he ever struggle with this?