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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

543 replies

candragonsbepurple · 21/03/2024 20:58

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

OP posts:
Picklestop · 21/03/2024 22:28

Well I was going to say, your partner is entitled to have some house rules in his own home. But then I read the bit about not living together and ten months, why on earth are you calling him a partner! Hopefully he is an ex boyfriend now.

Topseyt123 · 21/03/2024 22:29

What a wanker!! Who the fuck does he think he is trying to claim YOUR house as being under HIS roof! Twat!!

Don't let him come back. And block both him and his ridiculous mummy. The apple clearly hasn't fallen far from the tree there.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 21/03/2024 22:31

Noicant · 21/03/2024 21:06

Also this is why you shouldn’t be having men around your children. Sorry OP, I’m not putting the boot in here but he shouldn’t be anywhere near your kids at ten months.

Agreed, he should never have been given the opportunity to behave like this

Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 21/03/2024 22:38

He is a treat isn’t he?! Leave him kicked out.

JPGR · 21/03/2024 22:41

FannyFifer · 21/03/2024 21:02

Never ever choose a man over the wellbeing of your children.
Make that the end of your relationship & thank your lucky stars you don't have children with him.

This. Please put your children first. This man is a bully.

Angelsrose · 21/03/2024 22:42

I'm so pleased to read that the op acted decisively to protect her children. Well done and don't let your partner back. Who on earth does he think he is???

Noseybookworm · 21/03/2024 22:42

candragonsbepurple · 21/03/2024 20:58

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Why was your partner ranting about how your son should behave under his roof when it's your house and he doesn't even live there?

Mombie · 21/03/2024 22:43

He has overstepped so far, something tells me that he was trying to make a point to DS dad. How dare he interfere with their communication like that?
Do u really need him or his mum adding unnecessary stress to your children’s life? Tell them both to piss off.

StSwithinsDay · 21/03/2024 22:45

*Sid077 · Today 21:59

You did exactly the right thing. Ignore his mother, like who gets their Mam involved in their relationship of 10 months 🙄. You dodged a bullet with this one, throw him back.*

The op has involved her own children who are 11 and 7 in her relationship of 10 months. That's worse imo.

PlumbersWifey · 21/03/2024 22:46

Woah you need to get rid of him!! Nasty man. As a mum, how can you contemplate being with someone who upsets your son?

LakeTiticaca · 21/03/2024 22:46

Do not allow this prick back anywhere near your children. This is the start. It will escalate. He's a walking red flag

BreakingAndBroke · 21/03/2024 22:48

"Under my roof" is a very odd thing to say when you are in somebody else's house!

I think you were right to call him out on it and get him to leave and calm down.

None of it has anything to do with his mum, and arguably your child was being far less disrespectful than hers!

Grimchmas · 21/03/2024 22:50

Good on you for kicking your partner out and a great big fuck you to his mother, of who's business this is nothing!

GRex · 21/03/2024 22:53

You've just seen the thin end of the wedge with his desire to discipline your children and be master over you in your own home. Pack any of his stuff, dump it outside his mum's and never let him back in.

muggart · 21/03/2024 22:56

This is so weird I'd go as far as to say it doesn't add up. Was your son rude to him and perhaps you didn't hear? Did he think he was doing you a favour by forcing your kid to stop gaming?

The 'under my roof' comment is so cringey, I would struggle to forget that.

WandaWonder · 21/03/2024 22:56

You are the one in control of who you have in your childs life (yes like the ex but this is from the OP viewpoint) make better choices

TrainedByCatsToBeScathing · 21/03/2024 22:58

full set of red bunting with this one.

ignoring you
disciplining bullying your son
ranting when he’s called out on something
laying claim to your property
interfering with your children’s relationship with their father
getting his mum involved

LTB

Ageisjustanumb3r · 21/03/2024 23:01

Not read replies but u asking if concerning .

NoraBattysCurlers · 21/03/2024 23:12

He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

I hope you pointed out clearly to her that this is a bit rich coming from her seeing she clearly hasn't taught her son any respect.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 21/03/2024 23:14

Ha ha his mum is worried she'll be stuck with him if you don't take him back - block her, block him,and start thinking about what you want, not the wants and needs of other men who were or want to be in your life, controlling you.

Your DC come first!

PrestonHood121 · 21/03/2024 23:16

lol "his roof." Tell him nice try!

yamsy · 21/03/2024 23:17

OP please please don't let this man back in.

It sounds like you and your ex coparent effectively and maintain a good relationship, based on the fact you were willing to move closer and the fact he put consistency for your son above all that.

This is really positive. Having loving parents who are on the same page (even if not together) is such a strong protective factor for so many issues.

Then playing games together sounds lovely. I do the same with my siblings. We play while chatting. It's nice because they're doing an activity they enjoy together while catching up. It's likely, especially as he goes into teenage years, that your son will use these opportunities to speak with his dad about difficult or embarrassing topics (in the same way some find being in the car is less pressured). I'd really push to continue this. It's easy, simple, quality time that can be done from anywhere.

It's so good they have that and I'm so upset thinking of your son believing his dad stopped it.

I'm glad you kicked your boyfriend out but I'm concerned that you're posting on here and therefore perhaps having doubts. I really am not one to shout "LTB" but this new man is treating your son appallingly.

Under his roof? It's quite literally your roof, for a start. But also it's your child and your parenting. All parenting issues are between you and the child's dad. He is completely overstepping by going against what you have decided and thinking it's appropriate to punish your son against your wishes.

Frankly, if the way you parent does not align with his expectations then his only choice is to leave. He does not get to overrule you.

How dare he? I'm actually horrified that he already feels comfortable enough to do this and it is 100% going to get worse (trust me).

As this gets worse your relationship with your son will worsen. Protect him from this man. There is nothing good down this road and your son needs his mum to protect him from people like this.

Do not let this man back in your lives in any way. Show your son that you will always have his back and never let a boyfriend treat him that way. Show him, through your actions, what is acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship.

He is at such an important age. There is plenty of time in future for you to find a new relationship. Your son sounds like he has a really good family situation at the moment and a strong relationship with each of his parents.

Please don't throw it away for a man who you have known for such a short time who removes your sons access to his own father against your explicit wishes in your own home.

Dweetfidilove · 21/03/2024 23:20

How is he, after 10 months of dating, considering your house to be’under his roof’ 😂😢🤔.

You would only be unreasonable if you let him back. This is a one and your done kinda offence, surely.

Blibbleflibble · 21/03/2024 23:54

He's a bullying twat, he can get to fuck. Bullet dodged OP, hope his Mum is being informed that he is now an ex.

Bobbotgegrinch · 22/03/2024 00:09

And on my third thread of the day I'm asking why the fuck your partner has met your kids when you've not even known him a year!

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