Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

[candragonsbepurple]

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

10 months in, dont live together and he took it upon himself to do that in your home?

How fucking DARE he?!

The fact that you havent blocked him and his fucking mother is utterly shocking. You are not "stuck" anywhere. Tell them both to fuck off.

And dont let anyone near your kids or your home in such a short time again.

Get rid of this bellend, stop bringing men around your children after only 5 mins and do some work on your self esteem.

HIS roof but he doesn’t even live there?. Get rid of him, he’s a dick!.

I am now wondering.....

are there cultural issues here?

He is a MAN and therefore wherever he is, he assumes he is in charge. And his mother is giving you shit and you feel that you need to appease her....

Are you from a culture where telling a man to get fucking bent, and telling his mother to mind her own fucking business and not yours, is not ok?

He sounds really unpleasant. Sounds like you've had a lucky escape, finding out what a knobhead he is before you got more involved with him.

I see his point from his point of view. BUT they are your children not his. If he can't manage that, then it isn't going to work you.

I agree "under my roof" is a dangerous path to start going down for all of you. Its on the Power and Control wheel for a reason.

This is how it starts, the control over you and your children and if you’d accepted it it would have just carried on. He doesn’t live with you, it’s yours and your children’s home and you’ve not been with him long how dare he?! Please keep him as your EX for your children’s sake

His mother should teach her son about respect. You did the right thing here. He caused unneeded stress and upset to your son who was doing something you'd agreed to. And then your partner threw a tantrum.

His mum said what?no lady-YOU are not at the middle of things.
make it the end.
your kids your house. the END

Mothers have so much power over who is allowed to have power over their children. He does not sound like potential stepdad material. I'd be rethinking whether he is worth the hassle. Imagine it really was his home and he had more power over you and your kids - honestly I think that might be a bit of a nightmare.

God, who knew 1 post could reveal so much wrong with 1 person. I counted at least 5 separate reasons for binning him.

Your house , your children, your rules. I can’t believe you came on here to ask .

The arrogance of a man who hasn’t been with you for a year, in your house that you own, ranting about ‘under his roof’. In the bin with him.

@candragonsbepurple you sound like a lovely mum. You put your son first. Now keep doing that and make that nasty piece of work your ex partner.
you do realise this isn’t just a bad decision on his part or a difference in how kids should behave.
he actively did this to hurt your son. I can promise you this is sheer nasty behaviour and he doesn’t like your son and this episode will be repeated in another form and it will escalate.

You aren't being put in the middle. You are a mother. It is your responsibility to raise and protect your children. This includes not bringing other adults into their lives who could do them harm. Physically or emotionally. After only 10 months, this man should never have felt close or comfortable enough to attempt to parent your children. You need to put better boundaries in place from the start.

Put your kids first or your relationship with them will be damaged forever. It's hard being alone but please don't move someone in so fast again. Your children's home needs to be their safe place. And I say this as a single mum.

He demands respect?

This is your chance to pack any belongings of his that you find in your house, pack them in a bin bag, and throw them out on the pavement.

Change your locks and tell him you're dumping him, and his stuff is outside. Then block him.

He's done you the huge favour of showing you exactly who he is.

Don't try talking yourself into keeping this relationship going.

under my roof “don’t worry, under your roof you can think what you like. But here you’re under my roof, so i call the shots.”

This in spades.

Already his house? Get rid

Children don't need a stepdad in any case. It's never really in a child's best interest.

OP this one sounds a total wanker- bin him and don't ever allow him near you or the children again.

And when it comes to future relationships consider what is actually in your children's best interests. There is no need for them ti be spending anytime whatsoever around one you've only been seeing for 10 months.

I really hope she will be back. This is shocking behaviour. He needs to be gone, permanently.

Sadly this. To have ask is this ok? It's so sad for kids because they have no choice. I'm sure she won't be back. She was hoping people would say yes it's fine your son needs to show respect. Or similar.

Your last sentence has put an earworm in my head.

What's mum got to do, got to do with it
What's mum but a witch without a potion
What's mum got to do, got to do with it
He runs to her like a twat set in motion

What's mum got to do, got to do with it
What's mum but his brain's slow erosion
What's mum got to do, got to do with it
They live in fear of your righteous explosion

OP if I have this right he's run back to her house to get her to tell you that your house is his house? Have you the number of a competent locksmith and maybe some friends to come round and pack up his things?